It's like the elephant in the room,
I feel like everyone knows.
No matter where I go,
No matter who I see,
It's always about me.
My weight!
My looks!
They consume me,
They are me.
There's no escape,
There's no exit,
Just a game my body plays with my mind.
I can't get rid of it, I say!
I'm never gunna be pretty!
My mirror hates me and calls me names,
Fat!
Ugly!
Elephant!
When will it stop!
I want it to stop!
Will it ever stop?
Lose 10 pounds,
Lose 10 more.
Lose 10 pounds,
Lose 10 more,
A never ending cycle of gore.
But that's not enough I say!
My goal weight is underweight.
My goal look is anorexic.
What can I do,
Will I ever be pretty,
Am I ever gunna be good enough?
Pretty is just a word they say,
U can be pretty on the outside,
But for me it's different.
Pretty isn't just a word,
It's a lifestyle,
A goal,
An expectation I have on myself.
Nobody's perfect they say,
But I want to be,
I NEED to be,
I can't live this way anymore,
Looking in the mirror and only feeling disgust.
You don't need make up to be beautiful they say,
Yes I do!
I need to feel pretty,
I need makeup to look at myself.
There is no end or escape,
There's no finish line,
Just keep losing weight,
More weight,
Keep pushing.
I remember the times that I could eat and not feel guilty,
But now I'm almost afraid to eat.
It's crazy I know,
I shouldn't think this way I know,
But I can't help it,
It's how I am,
I can't change it,
IT is ME!
Everyone says I'm skinny,
But I know I'm not,
They're lying!
Don't try to understand,
Because I know you won't.
It's ok,
There's nothing you can say that will change the way I think or feel.
There's nothing you can do to change my mind.
It's set in stone,
my mind has decided.
Now if I live through it is up to me.
Will I survive,
Or will it **** me.
Only time will tell…