Where am I?
Where did I go?
The person that I was?
I look in the mirror
And don’t know who I see
A stranger in the fog

My body has carried my little ones
And now their lives I live
Their happiness is all that matters now
And this sacrifice I give

But when they grow older and their needs start to change
My search will start to begin
Through the dark I will begin to sail
To find my soul lost within

I know she is there somewhere and desperate to be found
She is buried deep inside
She is gone now but this is not forever
She shall no longer hide

And the search may be long
And the sea rough and vast
But I cannot give up on finding her
The girl I left in the past.

The Sands of time are running out for me.
I'm older but not wiser- not even close.
I always believed with age you would be more fulfilled.
But I remain empty...Maybe emptier.
Because my children are now my whole world and they grow more independent everyday.
Where will I be when they don't need me anymore? Alone and useless?
I'll just fade into the shadows.
I look back too often.
I always said I wouldn't and shouldn't.
But I do.
What could I have done differently?
What choice should I have made?
I always thought I would meet someone who would save me.
A soulmate to inspire and encourage me.
But I don't think that they exist.
You need to save yourself
But I don't know who I am anymore.
Let alone know how to save me!
Everything I thought I was good at it seems I am actually not.
Not in the universe I exist in anyway...
I sit in the shadows of everyone in my world.
Desperate to basque in the sun but without the confidence to do it on my own.
I don't want to be bitter but I fear that I am.
So much wasted, So much missed out on...
They say it is never too late.
I hope this is true.
I don't want to go to my grave feeling like an also ran.
But those Sands won't stop. Not even for a second...

Mum is the word.

Over and over again

The chance of having any time to yourself is slim

Heroine of the years with your extreme self sacrifice.

Endless love endures none the less

Rue the day that they will fly the nest.

Little Man breaks stuff
Little Man throws things
Little Man hits out when things don’t go his way.

Little Man does stinky farts
Little Man flicks Boogers
Little Man laughs at the word ‘****’ each and every day

Little Man sleeps with his head on my pillow
Little Man says I just love you
Little man needs me more than words can say

Little Man draws me pictures
Little Man hugs me when I cry
Little man loves me to sit and watch him play

Crazy one minute, cute the next
A proper roller coaster ride
Yet my great love for you remains the same
My Primary School Jekyll and Hyde

You came into this world straight into a plastic bag.
You fought your way out.
Amazonian strength for one so tiny
The Matriarchs of the past living inside you.
Cheering you on.
Over each hurdle you jumped.
Never looking back.
So now my heart breaks when I see self doubt in your eyes.
See pain of rejection and fear of life.
Remember who you really are!
You fought your way out of that plastic bag.
Not even knowing that was what you had to do.
You have the power.
The power to do anything you want to do.
To rise above it all.
The Matriarchs of the past still living on inside you.
Still cheering you on.
One day I will join them.
But until that day I am here beside you.
My warrior Princess
Be brave and don’t be afraid to live.

A list of names stained with tears.
Thoughts of what might have been.
My dreams washed down the plug hole.
Literally.
I didn’t know I wanted you so badly.
Until you were here.
But you left as quickly as you came.
And left my heart in pieces.
My body in pain.
That pain will heal though.
But the pain that I will never know you will endure.
You never had a chance.
Life is cruel.

You were meant to be.
Right time, Right Place
Who would have thought
Such a huge impact from one so tiny
Lives turned upside down
In a good way
Beautiful inside and out
And in just one gloomy evening
You were gone forever
Devastation for those you left behind
Not knowing what to do or say
Lives turned upside down
In a bad way
A paw shaped hole remains in our broken hearts.
We were lucky to have known you
But it wasn’t long enough
Beautiful Soul
Gone too soon
Rest in Peace

In the dead of night
My fears come to haunt me
To eat me up
To possess me
I am so scared
And so very alone
The physical pain I feel
That others cannot comprehend
Is the beating heart of me now
No excitement for the coming day anymore
Just coping and hoping it will all go away
Just a being made up of anxiety and stress
Longing to live again, love again, thrive again
I remember lying in my love's arms
So happy and eager for the future
And the birth of our babies giving me something to really live for.
Such Joy.
Where has that gone?
All that wonder and hope
A distant memory
I struggle to smile
I struggle to live
I struggle to be

Who am I?
A mother?
A wife?
A woman?
A daughter?
A Sister?
A friend?
A mentor?
A colleague?
What do these words mean?
They sound important.
So why do I feel so insignificant?
So useless?
So small?
So unappreciated?
I know I am loved!
At least I think I am
But am I respected?
I don't think so.
Least of all by my Myself.....
I am all these names.
But I feel like no one.