To my Alice,

Does my heart
stop its singing ever
for yours?
When I am distant,
I yearn to be
in your orb of light.
Everything
your glow
touches, I will
keep safe.

Impressions linger
upon your slender neck
from your crumpled
dress—oh, I wish that
I were that dress!
In our waking moments
together,
mornings unfold
like shaken
white sheets catching
beams of light

My two arms and yours
confused together
but never growing
colder.
Fitting into your
petite frame,
I feel safer than
within the confines of
any man
You embrace my
every inch,
no other body
to this I have felt.

Elegance, bliss,
I can feel when we kiss
The way you rise
and greet the day,
if only everyone else
were this way

- T

For Tess,

The daylight hours
pass by
I find no comforts,
no warmth
no person of worthwhile
time spent
And my mind
clicks back to you,
and the way you are
my recluse from the
perilous limits
of life.
Shackled to motherliness,
Womanliness, femininity
We remain under
expectations to be
met some day,
but the thought
unsettles me.

With you,
I have found
what it is I want
With you,
the world’s demands
mean little
to our pairing
With you,
I can see my dreams
and yours, too,
simultaneous and growing,
binding us together
as a gracious
one.

Beloved,
my love for you
is plentiful and bountiful
with care for your
every solace.
No blight shall harm you,
no trace of hate shall
instill,
As long as I am there
fighting for your will

- A

i still like you but you forgot me

the heart in the time we talked about the moon and our moms
the head i assume when you enter the room it's freaky and i can't find the light switch in ur bathroom
give me more of the blanket, i gotta lay right next to u
the walls surrounding our laminated eyes kept the winds at rest for once

makin coffee in the French press
- sippin the hot coffee
- takin the red line to class
- finally singing after a long time
- looking up & realizing I am existing in Chicago
- feelin good
- knowing I will always stay who I am
- incorporatin the word "truely" into my daily thoughts in order to inspire myself into being true with everything and truely accomplishing everything for myself
- textin my mom and saying I love her
- textin my dad and saying I love him
- sendin my journalism teacher a thank you email
- textin my choir director a hello text
- texting Roni and loving Roni all the time
- stopping on the street and breathing and feelin the air around me because I'm alive
- havin this same feeling tomorrow

i feel so close with this pillar
i haven't felt this close to anything in a
long time

there are times,
and yes,
we are in those times
i am with you
let me hold you here now
give your cold parts
to me, i'm keeping
them warm don't worry

I want to lay with you and kiss the total surface area of your face
I want the creases in your skin,
the ones between your nose and chin

I can't want you this badly but I do

I want to kiss you and I mean really
kiss you
I want to kiss you like every pore is a differently colored flower petal
tiny, soft, and me wanting to kiss each one

flowers are beautiful but you're incredible and beautiful all at once

When I die, I wanna feel fulfilled
I want my life to have been a full one
I don't want any air bubbles
just a rich & smooth time
filled to the brim with
who I was
and what I did
while I was here

ultimately, everyone will find someone else
who has been seeking them out,
someone who is
curious enough
to try

I bet if someone didn't believe in me,
and doubted me,
and told me I couldn't do it,
I'd believe a little bit more in myself.
And I'd work
and push myself harder
to prove them wrong.

I used to be an introvert
but now I'm not I guess.
At least I kept my thoughts.

I fit people
I spend my time trying to fit myself into another person
Metaphorically speaking
I want so badly to please and
be with them
and
have them like me
That I tweak my own piece to
coincide exactly with
theirs
And I've always been aware of this
but I fall in love with
people too easily
and I want to know them and fit inside of them
but I fail at forgetting that
if I am meant to be with them
then they have to fit inside of me
too

These people make me sick
but they are just lovers of the first amendment so I'll let them be
I'm sorry I don't really care about when you rode a horse and felt infinite
That word makes me sick
It's been chained to a ******* truck and dragged on the dirt of the modernized human race
Infinite
*******

I have a Rolling Stones poster in my room and
it's the poster of the tongue sticking out
and it's big and I like it

But I hate that I have it because I don't listen to the Rolling Stones
but then I remember that I bought it because of the pop and color it has
I like lots of colors and I don't always buy things because of what they really are
I buy them because of how they look and appeal to my eyes
That sounds awful
but I still do it
(except with music, that's a touchier subject)

I also write **** that makes a person feel
Not necessarily prove a point
although I do like to relay thoughts to people

Colors and thoughts colors and thoughts
Something about writing on the web
or on an electronic device
It's when I write best

I almost wrote a love song today but then I made myself ***** it away
Because love songs are overrated and have been ruined over time
I enjoy sounding this way
It's the common belief of some of the best people I've met
And that list is dwindling because people keep disappointing me
I'm an ******* for saying that
but my brain likes to set high expectations and I can't break my own habit
So I am an *******, it's ok, I've been an ******* and I'll always be an ******* internally I guess

I wonder if you are remembering what I said to you
Because I'm thinking about you and how I don't know you but I can't stop knowing you in my head
but I've set up nonexistent scenarios that have crashed and burned and that's why I'm sad about you
We will hang soon, don't worry little brain
My brain likes to worry and my heart just likes Sigur Ros

I
care
too much
that I cry over
people &
their problems
instead of my
own.

It's funny how people live and believe that drugs and influences can really affect you differently in all aspects
But doing something that makes you feel good
or feel adrenaline
or feel a chemical inside of you that only feels when something happens
or just love something
That's an organic and natural influence
I like those the best
And to me, those organic influences are always involved in 98% of the best moments of your life

I'm a wimp and I don't really like drinking
Or maybe I just don't like drinking with the people around here
I do like **** though
I've been craving that all night
This is a public apology to everyone I have mooched **** off of before
I'm sorry
I will not be paying you

Am I Buddha
Is this my enlightenment year
Is this where my adult thinking begins
Is this some kind of poetic puberty

Don't listen to me because I'm one of those ignorant-esque people who doesn't get the facts straight and can't finish a ******* crossword puzzle in the Sunday newspaper

I hate ignorant people but I know I am one
I'm just ignorant in ways that aren't ignorant
Am I different for writing that? Am I pushing my own uniquety?
Say what you think, I'm going to go eat cake

Don't lose yourself as a source for your own kind of happiness

Sometimes you can't help it when you take over
yourself
Because in the end
it's only you
and that's the scariest truth

Let's cut up fruit and sit along a stream in the trees and eat it together

Is it sometimes we find ourselves stuck at the end waiting for the beginning
We don't really acquire ourselves ever when you think about it
I hate regular
I want that conformity and normal and routine and habit

Say what you're feeling because it's the most exhilarating feeling
I've made this another life pact with myself
Because life is fast and short and it ends and it's sad but you've just gotta live to cover up the sad parts
People will come into my life and I will tell them what I feel and it will be glorious
And I will feel wholesome and human and good

I am crying and I am crying and I am crying because I love people that don't cry
And you're really cool
and really rad
and that's why you're you and I'm me
We're both alive together and ever

Plug in your headphones and listen
to the ******* world breathing
because it is
and you've got to realize it sometime
and I truly hope you do
because life's more than our ears can see

Why do I have to name anything I write
It's just words on a page and the words should speak for themselves
God I really hate titles, they make me uncomfortable and nauseous

SLEEP DEPRIVATION IS THE MOST UNDERRATED DRUG AND IF
YOU THINK I'M WRONG
TRY IT BECAUSE I THINK YOU'LL LIKE
IT
SIT IN FRONT OF A SOCIAL NETWORKING WEBSITE WHILST UNDER THE
SLEEP-DEPRIVED INFLUENCE AND
TYPE WORDS
THEN PEOPLE WILL LIKE YOU
AND YOU
ARE A HUMAN

i only hope that one day someone will love me the way i have loved so many people before

Have you ever felt so rooted into someone that you just think of how hard you would cry into their shoulder if you'd ever leave them?
Have you ever pictured leaving behind something that you'd never dare to lose?
I don't want to lose what I have here.
And what I've got is pretty great.

I will cry hard.

Have you ever felt so rooted into someone that you just think of how hard you would cry into their shoulder if you'd ever leave them?
Have you ever pictured leaving behind something that you'd never dare to lose?
I don't want to lose what I have here.
And what I've got is pretty great.

I will cry hard.

I REALLY HOPE PEOPLE
REMEMBER WHAT I
SAY
BECAUSE I WILL NOT BE REPEATING MYSELF

IF THEY DON'T REMEMBER ME OR WHAT
I SAY
THEN I NEED TO FIND A NEW
METHOD FOR THIS THING

I don’t know why I did what I did tonight, but all I know is that I did it and it happened and I felt like I was finally doing something right for myself.

You are the best source of your life.
You are your own system and your system will work the best when you are running it for yourself.

I have named one of my poem thingies on here
Ha ha ha
I guess I am a hypocrite, so feel free to stone me

This will be funny because if someone reads something I wrote on here they'll ask me about it
but wait I never named it
so how will I know which one they're talking about?
I won't.
I just like words as much as I like people, and that's really a lot

everyone is collectively ****** up together and
I think that's the most beautiful part about
being a human

Maybe when I die no one will ever know that I wrote anything
I don't consider myself a writer
I'm not doing it to trend or be like my friends
I do it because I'm kind of my own mental prophet;
My brain unlocks itself and then whatever comes out, my body writes it down and people read it and they declare that I write but I wouldn't call this writing
I speak English
I don't like Oxford commas
But I really like reading words because inside every word there is another million words no one can see until they read the words
I also like fonts

on saturday I bought myself a dress
and you bought yourself more time
in my head

i'm alone i'm alone i'm ******* alone and i can't feel what you're feeling from all the way up here
the sixth floor is the most bereft floor in this whole entire building
i'm angry alone
i'm sad alone
i'm eagerly alone and it's what's been keeping my mouth so warm

The water draws your late night
nocturne
and I wish that I was the water.

If all I did while I'm here is make people want to be better people, then that's all I could ever ask for and that is what makes me the happiest

i feel the wrong way for the wrong people
it always ends up like that
me, staring at a wrong face
me, doubting what i thought was sweet
me, at an existential standstill with myself and something that was
never there
never there
never ******* there
i just didn't want to believe it

you just kinda looked at me
with that look
that is so
******* you
and I guess we exchanged a
feeling
that something had to happen
and a
feeling
of sadness again

I've left my purse at home these past few nights
maybe because I wanted to feel lighter, freer
maybe because the air and my skin are one when I'm holding less
or when I'm held less

I am bold and alone since you left me on that beach

crunching Sacramento glass
losing my balance and not wanting the gripping thrill down my neck
my hair was haloed in sweat,
you'd never let the wind take it

sometimes I cross my arms around my waist
and leave my hands there, just to see what it would feel like if someone else did the same

I am landing in this plane right now
but don't worry
I didn't put myself on airplane mode
you're still in my head and I'm afraid
you'll be in there for awhile
I'm sorry
I hope there's fresh air and light

Oh my god
the first week you were drawing on
the wall
and I noticed how odd your glasses
were
and I noticed how well they framed
your face

**** you've got a fine face
your face is as fine as the lead in my
2B drawing pencil
you've got some nice arms
they're as nice as this recliner I sat in
once

****
I wanna run through a gas station
with you and buy out all the M&M;'s