my roommate probably hates me because I smoke ****
her mom sent her an easter package and it said "no open until April 5"
I can still see you in my immediate and post-immediate future
there are certain words you say that I
like because of the way you say them
I have an idea of what we'd look like on a magazine cover
I don't know if I'll ever tell you what it is
we shared pictures of our high school faces on my bed at 3 am once
and when I think about us doing that I think of how warm my room was and how making eye contact with you is a scary thing I want to do all the time

I made a list of stuff I have to get at target
I'm sitting on my bed only it feels like a ****** island
the only appealing feeling to me is helplessness and a shower
I want to cough in the shower and feel like I'm losing everything
I don't want to choose my Sunday I
want Sunday to choose me
can you let me put my nose in your neck
I realize that I have a different kind of angst now that I want to cry about
nothing to you
I woke up and wanted you
I want you when I have bad posture I want to hunch my back next to you
I'm really not forgetting about you
you've told me about you crying and I want to watch a movie and cry with you
I wonder what your arms feel like

ANYTHING WORTH FEELING IS
FEELABLE
OPEN THE **** UP AND FEEL ME
DO YOU FEEL ME
YOU DIDN'T
I'M A FRIEND
I'M YOUR FRIEND
I'M AN INSTAGRAM LIKE
I'M MORE THAN AN INSTAGRAM LIKE
I FEEL YOU
I'VE DONE NOTHING BUT FEEL YOU
AND WE BOTH KNOW
WHO'S ALONE IN THAT BIG EMPTY ROOM WHEN THE DOOR SHUTS
WHO PUTS UP WITH EVERYONE ELSE
WHO LOOKS AT ME THAT WAY
—
I FELT YOU AND YOU FELT IT TOO
NO ONE ELSE DID THAT IN YOUR LIFE
I HOPE IT WAS SOMETHING FOR YOU

I could be the person who knows you
best
but god knows you aren't ready and
here we are in the void
this ******* space that makes no
sense
you and I
we are in it
even though I never asked to be

rejected postcards from friends tells me
I shouldn't be here
but you
you roped me in
you chose me and I didn't know I'd
get this deep
you were it
you gave me a fake cushion for the
chair
and the hard seat hit harder
and I felt so pulled and stupid
but god knows you weren't ready

on saturday I bought myself a dress
and you bought yourself more time
in my head

i'm sick of what i am to you
i'm sick of what i thought i was
and how you were too scared to hold the fire

i don't know what you want from me
i don't know what you want from me
i don't know what you want from me

the risk would have been worth it

for a minute I just needed the city to
be above me and the sky to be below me
I needed the vast nothingness to feel
like I was floating on my own