IT'S BETTER TO LIVE YOUR OWN DESTINY IMPERFECTLY,
THAN TO LIVE AN IMITATION OF SOMEBODY ELSE'S LIFE WITH PERFECTION
-THE BHAGAVAD GITA

A QUICK WORD
I’ve read some MOVING
WORDS
IN REACTION TO MY POETRY…
I don’t seek FAME…
Just to know that ONE POEM…
Could make another persons…
Wheels TURN A BIT IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME… THANKS TO YOU ALL…

Ashamed A ~ Mistaken gift
Immortality in question
Straight shooter from the hips

Why lie about my feelings

Head over heels ~ Past tense
Life wrongly enabled
My Fading brittle existence

Passing on a do over

Clearly as The eyes can see
Devouring the ~ Sleeping giant
Blemished illusions

Leaving won’t be hard

Staying will only disable
Me where I’d rather not be
Trivial Isotopes scarce

Deafening the noise

Accepting of the holy truths
Checkmate no replay
Tenderness in borrowed amounts  

Effortless gravity

Oh how I’ve longed for you
Loaded gun without a bullet
Every story is unique

Has its own conclusion

As My spirit levitates
Up the elevator I go
Blessed be the one

My ride finally came

Like a pitcher without water
The hourglass
Has run out

Time may continue forward

But subconsciously
I’m moving on
Absent from the crowd indeed

Like A needle in haystack

Plenty more
Where that came from
This place will continue forward

Just fine without me  

Because when your names called
The time has come for you
To go home for good

Supernova
Seeping in your deep haze
When will I rise above
Repenting
In a room full of angels
Where have your
Wings gone so calloused
You are
How deep does
The rabbit hole go
Free of mind
Bleed out my thoughts
Three strikes
Your out
Like a cat with nine lives
No more left
Purge this dungeon
The cruelty in vain
A fabricated version
I’m tired of watching
Shed this skin
Ecdysis my soul
Like a snake
And give me a new coat
One day
My soul will rejoice
The passive aggressiveness
Will falter to smoke
Confessions of
A man who feels more then he should
Too much I overthink
I pray for
My wrong doings and transgressions
Forged in fire
They turned me against my will
Just thee
Tip of the iceberg
Time for a mic drop
A more inviting stage
Extraordinary forces excelled
Against me exceeded my expectations
A pain threshold
With no bounds
What a living object can withstand
Before he finally breaks
The unlimited obstacles
Unhinged toxins of this life  
I’m long overdue rundown like timber
In need of my absolution indeed

The fury
In thee embattled
Moments came
And went without cause or concern
Fabricated me
Engulfing my traumas
Pandora’s box
Took the part
Of me that didn’t belong here
And made it an inferno
My celestial city awaits
And my soul will be comforted
Like never before
Receding censorship
Uneven playing field
Overrun with angst
It’s finally okay
To let go for good
Release the hold of
A troubled lifetime
And give it all to him
Skeleton to dust
A face that once had a name
Now living elsewhere for all eternity Raindrops turned to sunshine
The ash on my forehead no
Longer stings
Fruit from
The wrong tree they fed
Me I ate it
Unapologetically
They helped in my demise
Destroyed my livelihood
******* me up real good
A difficult life I’ve beared
The circles of life
Some far from gratifying
Carved from stone
A stepping stone
One day I’ll ride freely highly above
And have my redemption
Finally absolved of this life
All because of you holy one

Smoke and mirrors
Haunt me still
Guess the jokes on me

From the ends of the earth

To the edge of tomorrow
Absolutely nothing
Could have prepared me

For the likes of you

Forever wasn’t long enough
Admiring you from afar
Wondering what

Could have been

Picking up where we left off
Some things in this life
Are just not replaceable

A blind date

Nothing ever felt more
Natural to me
Not in a million years

Did I ever believe

Would lead to some of the
Greatest moments of my life
Taking a trip

Down memory lane

For years
I couldn’t bare the thought
Of even entertaining

The notion

The simple truth is
I may never let you down
Tonight I pulled out

The song that

Would put a staple in us
That has replayed in my
Mind for decades

Along with all the

What if possibilities
That we could have shared together
But the honest truths hurt

Me too much to ever admit

That I miss you to this very day
And there’s a hole in my heart
That will never be filled again

ADORE*+
Knowing what I
Do now
Talk about
Bad timing
The debt
I had to repay
Was steep
The reveries
Of my mind
I hold you there to this day
My head it still spinning
What a
Paradise I found in you
Moments
Of pure bliss
You stopped me
Dead in my tracks
I was
Lost without a trace
You gave my life true meaning
And a purpose
It was hard to breathe
After you went away
Your beauty
To my beast
A match made in heaven
God sure knew
What he was doing
When he created you and I
The times I want back
The things I never
Got to say
To see you again
Standing in front of me
Would bring my heart and mind
Such joy
I could never comprehend
Unfortunately you came at a time
That didn’t work
Because I was lost in
My own madness
How could I truly love you properly
When I never loved myself
I owed you more then that
And you deserved so much better
Then me
I will always adore you
To the ends of the earth and beyond
Where ever you might be
Just know that I’m eternally
Grateful for the time we had
I just wish it wouldn’t have
Got cut off sooner then it had too

Undivided attention
A kindness of fate
Shivers of Anticipation

Turns my frown upside down

Let it now shine
Like golden gates
Warm to my cold

A genuine soul pure of heart

Immaculate halo

Aviator of my ambitions
A carefully
Designed touch sizzles

Glimpses of hope can be seen

Showering me with your grace
Ground in for safe keeping
Deeply embedded you are

Can you salvage

Something worthy of seeing
Life put me through
The wringer I hurt very deeply inside

An acquired

Taste not for everyone’s liking
Unlock my eyes
Be the wind at my back

Please let me dip my feet
In your infinite baths

Of sweet ~ serenity  
And show me what true undeniable
Affection really looks like

Decades have
Flown by
Where’s thee proof
Hindsight’s twenty twenty
Help me escape
Ashamed I couldn’t
Have done better
Defeated nothing new
Body traced
Where I lay
If only these walls could talk
Cold bones
False hope
As the lights gone dim
All secrets come to thee surface
Hearts in the flames
One eyes open
Thee others shut
Divided in half
Right down thee middle
Spiritual warfare begins
Spiraling tailwinds
Evil versus good
No neutral ground
As a tug of war ensues
Right and wrong
I’ve always known thee difference
Yet here I am
Maybe the part of me
That stopped caring long ago
Is too blame
For all this
But I point thee finger at others
Always will
This is what they helped create
Caving in
Not knowing which way to turn
A life not lived
Leaves one feeling empty
An impossible mind
Too decipher
Running ramped all over my soul

Haley’s comets
Approaching separating
Matters of fact
Wolfs are howling
A wretched world
That having it’s way with my soul
Looking for someone
To take the keys and drive
Looking for
A purpose outside my wasteland
Too turn the pages forward
For the backstage
Blues to leave my stage
My paper lanterns are
Burning to ashes
Wasting away
In my self absorbed addictions
Inexplicable behaviors
Like a heckler that
Won’t stop talking
Wears me like a
A mask I can’t remove
The demons
In each bottle rattle my cage
After each hit I take
Can’t shake
The stench that permeates
It’s like the acid tears I cry
I see the decaying breath
I breathe counting
Down to the seconds
When the coffin will call
And I will answer
All consuming overwhelming me
Awaiting a revival
For my peaceful recital to start
Dancing in my shadows

Delicate release
All at once
Evaporated
Lingering swells
Envisioning
A sweet ceaseless
Devotion to you
Bottle me up
And throw away
My time capsule
Motionless at sea
Uncharted waters reign
Arsonist
Of my life you’ve done enough harm
Time to blow the flames out
Enough
Of the gallows
That have housed me indefinitely
No more will they
Path of the divine
Show me a better byway
To hell with all this constant
Static and destructive energy  
Pull up the anchor
Put all the criticisms of myself aside
And release me from my sinking ship
Rid me of my decayed baggage
And harmful thoughts
Emotionless indifferences are
Finally settled for good
Let me drift swiftly into your arms
Of forever serenity

Delicate release
All at once
Evaporated
Lingering swells
Envisioning
A sweet ceaseless
Devotion to you
Bottle me up
And throw away
My time capsule
Motionless at sea
Uncharted waters reign
Arsonist
Of my life you’ve done enough harm
Time to blow the flames out
Enough
Of the gallows
That have housed me indefinitely
No more will they
Path of the divine
Show me a better byway
To hell with all this constant
Static and destructive energy  
Pull up the anchor
Put all the criticisms of myself aside
And release me from my sinking ship
Rid me of my decayed baggage
And harmful thoughts
Emotionless indifferences are
Finally settled for good
Let me drift swiftly into your arms
Of forever serenity

Granted Initiation
Ritual that broke
Paths of unreasonable

Expectations the constant hurting

Fury conjured up

That become unbearable
Led to a
Hasty decision

I beg no pardon

Sticky bitterness
Dangerous dilemmas
I’m rid of

High wire juggling act

No longer
Balancing un~evenly
Net had holes in it all along

Will no longer break the fall

Pawn to my queen
Flaunting checkmate
Game set match

Bread crumbs that went stale

Straight to voicemail
A fork in the road
I knew my rightful place

And unfortunately it wasn’t

Next to you another day

Like a plague
You drug me down
Missed phone calls

I saw your number

And I stopped picking up
Knowing who was on
The other end

I was not the least bit interested

The conversations
That will never be spoke
Into existence

That got thrown to the wolfs

Like a sheep
Took a good hard
Look in the mirror

And ask your self why

Lost but not found
The unspoken words
Memories that have been scrapped

The countless
Embraces that never were
I’ve slammed the door and locked

It up nice and tight behind me

And My heart will not ACHE

A MINUTE LONGER due to your

Lack of Compassion and Incompetent

ARROGANCE

Dream weaver
Riddle me this
Why did you suddenly

Appear out of thin air

You’ve knocked
My socks off
Such a sweet caress

With those Transcending eyes aloud

My yellow brick road
At the end of my rainbow
What an absolute joy

To know that we are

More alike then you can imagine

Less hectic
Speed bumps traveled
Would have been more easy

To manage the hardships
That almost
Broke us apart completely

Refreshing tones spreading

Like lavender my
First breath of fresh air
In a long while

Encapsulated by your warmth

Intertwined souls dancing
Is there really
That much difference

Between us

Dimming darkness prevails
Unexplainable light
Flourishes In both of us

Astonishing doesn’t even begin

To sum up how incredibly inviting

You truly ARE TO ME

My ruptured fantasy
Combustible commotion
Adversary’s are plentiful

Unlimited protection
The enemy
Is out to severe me

Your majesty
I’ve seen your
Handy work first hand

Decaying fossils
Put my puzzle
Back together in some working order

Give me shelter
From
The exertion that ******

Overreaching
Quick to react
The sum of all parts

Is magnetic

Off the charts
Feeling a bit off
My aim must have led me astray

Win lose or draw
Life can really
Do a number on a soul

Tally up the score
And you come up empty

Guidance system
Malfunctions again
A seismic shock

Sends you spiraling
Chain reactions only counter act  
Your balance

One rarely recovers
From certain circumstances in life
Sometimes we don’t

Realize what we have
Until it’s gone forever
Better left untouched

Overrun with grief
The hardest goodbyes
Will shake you

To thee core

Majesty
Grant me complete asylum
From the
Antagonistic events of this realm

Combustion
Adversary’s plentiful
My ruptured fantasy
Unlimited
Protection the enemy
Is out to severe me
Your majesty
I’ve seen your
Handy work first hand
Decaying fossils
Put my puzzle
Back together in
Some working order
Give me
Shelter from
The exertion that ******
Overreaching
Quick to react
The sum
Of all parts is magnetic
Off thee charts
Feeling a bit off
My aim must
Have led me astray
Win lose or draw
Life can really
Do a number on a soul
Tally up the score
And you come up empty
Guidance system
Malfunctions again
A seismic shock
Sends you spiraling
Chain reactions only counter act  
Your balance
One rarely recovers from
Certain circumstances in life
Sometimes we don’t
Realize what we have
Until it’s gone forever
Better left
Untouched
Overrun with grief
The hardest goodbyes
Will shake you
To thee core
Majesty
Grant me complete asylum from
The antagonistic events of this realm

Held up by a crutch
Counting down thee days
Of my demise
My third eyes dwelling  
Over four decades
Of thoughts and memories
That never fade
Piled up
As they continue to evolve
And escalate to unhealthy levels
What’s real is make believe
A better alternative
Rubik’s cubes
Slowly plucking
Away at my sanity
I lay awake
All times of night
Never knowing which
Way I’ll go as the roller coaster
Takes over
The chemicals
In my body
Feel more like poison
Far from comforting
They paralyze me in my tracks  
Where is the real healing at
My mind
Often miss fires
Short circuits
I feel so depressed and blue
Ready to rip my hair out
The happy thoughts
And pleasures last a moment
If I’m lucky
Are quickly replaced
As the bullets fly like no tomorrow
Emotions that run me ramped
Leave me in shambles
Nine times outta ten
Tainted goods I become
A happy go lucky state exterminated
Dopamine trip no where in sight

Tangled endlessly
Equal parallels
Swallow me whole

Let me confide In your forgiving light  

Shower me in your
Compassionate peace
Hollow points

Do the complete Opposite

Forceful movements
Far from Graceful
Decoding the devouring impulses

Positive to negative

A chain reaction
Sends shockwaves
Bad chemicals

Like a slithering rattlesnake

Megaphones spewing
Conquerer of
Escalating dreams igniting

The call of life’s dramas

Heads or tails
Is there truly a winner
I pray in silence

Whispering under my breath

Crying aloud
Hoping my tears have dried up
Faking it tell you make it home

I’m all outta fairytales

Tired doesn’t even begin to sum it up
My head feels like mash

From all the overthinking

As I scrabble to rewire
The Bad Transmitters
Before my broadcast abruptly ends

The static electricity
      Dulled as
The sounds deafened

A bouquet of flowers
     Once wilting
Thrives in the sun now
    
Compassionate positive emotions
     Over time
Became empowered
    A foothold my strong
          Tower

The shivering shades
   Slowly loosened there
             Grip

Cages that once ruffled
         My feathers
      Now my bird flys
          Free

A sensitive subject
    To the core
   No debating that
Manifesting his dreams all
   Rolled into one
Hoping to one day see
  The light of day
   A truer reality
To finally eradicate his tormenting                         BANDWIDTH

Hijacked
Irrational thinking
Heaven forbid

Kinder gestures

Sweet amazing grace
The uninvited guests
I surrendered too

This bloodsport has

Spilled enough blood
Taken enough prisoners
Evading the trenches

Collapsed doom and gloom

No more harvest moon
Having it’s way
Time to rewrite my story

Alleviate the anxiety

Soften the blows
Make the lyrics
Speak quieter

Soak up my soul in sanity

Soil me in effervescent sunshine
Unpolished I have been
I don’t shine like gold

Few truly do

All the chitter chatter
Has gone to my head
In the smallest of increments

It doesn’t necessarily obliterate

Me to the core
Simple known truth

Behold the changing of thee guard
Maybe finally in progress

Hijacked
Irrational thinking
Heaven forbid
Kinder gestures
Sweet amazing grace
The uninvited guests
I surrendered too
This bloodsport has
Spilled enough blood
Taken enough prisoners
Evading
The trenches
Collapsed doom and gloom
No more harvest moon
Having it’s way
Time to rewrite my story
Alleviate the anxiety
Soften the blows
Make the lyrics
Speak quieter
Soak up my soul in sanity
Soil me in effervescent sunshine
Unpolished I have been
I don’t shine like gold
Few truly do
All the chitter chatter
Has gone to my head
In the smallest of increments
It doesn’t necessarily obliterate
Me to the core
Simple known truth
Behold the changing of thee guard
Maybe finally in progress

Kiss of destruction
The glass
Was always overflowing
It’s not the
Story I would have written
Time was
Stacked against me
Unlimited anger
And a bitterness
That cut so deeply
Became a deadly combination
How was I too
Put the bottle down for good
Escape thee belligerent
******* inside of me
Not self medicate myself
Into oblivion
Kicking and screaming
At the top of my lungs
To no avail
Fighting against the enemy
Losing track of time
The foggy days piled up
Blackout after Blackout
With nothing to show
The shadows that
Danced on my walls and
In my head never let up
I felt like I was going insane
What would it take
To bottle up the alter ego
That trampled all over me
Most of my life
I had to make a choice
Before my life was sacrificed
By my own hands
Put thee bottle down
And turn it all over to someone else
Who could Handle
Thee things I never could
And give myself a chance to live
A better life

IN TODAY'S RUSH WE ALL THINK TOO MUCH, SEEK TOO MUCH, WANT TOO MUCH,
AND FORGET ABOUT THE JOY OF JUST BEING
-ECKHART TOLLE

Fraying
Paper heart cuts
A penny for my thoughts
The sinking feelings
In the back of my head
Swell
Has the quicksand won
Falling short
The hourglass has fallen
Fly on the wall
Shocked
Talking to god
Black butterfly sputters
Stuck in a cocoon
Trying to disguise
The hurting
Defuse the situation
At all cost
Mourning
When the sun
Won’t rise on your street
Advertisements cold and wretched
Far from fake news
From shore to shore
It continues to print tirelessly
Realistically
What exactly
Am I looking at
Head in my hands
All this blasphemy
Nazareth
Paint a prettier scenery
Produce much better results
Someone call a hearse
Inner circle
Who’s pulling the strings
Holy wars
I’m all ears
Dark ballads
Never missed
There mark
They mocked and prodded
Any chance they got
No vacancy sign
Guess it wasn’t bright enough to see
Clearly
Yet you all lived
In my head rent free
Like a bad neighborhood since birth
And I want what I’m owed
Plus back pay
A billboard that should be
Burned to scrap donated elsewhere
Idyll as I am
I’ll take a one way ticket to a new euphoria

Surrender the sun
In a world that’s
Gone cold As have I

Everlasting bliss
Allies unite
Becomes one whole

Clarity in sight A looking in view

A celebration of life
Angels fly closer
Breathe me in

Sleeping beauty comes too life

Patience no
Longer a virtue
Fresh ink ~ blank pages

Time for a change of scenery

Supernovas in my head
Open up the door  
To another universe

Where neon Lights shine brightly

Paint me a new picture
Worth looking at
Sing me a different tune worth hearing

Wishing wells run dry

Penny’s from heaven
Not sent
Between thee stars  

An array of colors sparkles

As there own
Free to roam as they see fit
Saving grace

Why have you forsaken me

A resurrections coming
Rainbows bright
Pots of gold at the end

Of thee tunnel

Grand central
Station boarding my train
All abroad one way

Ticket punched home paradise at last

No looking back in shame
Green pastures glisten
Golden valleys stretch for miles

Peace and quiet
Conquers all
An epic clam a stillness like no other

Shadow games
How it never went
Disowned
The Devil was out to
Get me
My sweet surrender
That may or may not
Show it’s face
Couldn’t come fast enough
I’d have to learn
Things the hard way
If you open up
Pandora’s box
Eventually there will be
A chain reaction of events
Running mach five
With my hair on fire
Trying to fill
The voids
In search
Of a friend a quick fix
And one sip
From the chalice
And I was hooked
As the poison turned me upside down
Complete control was granted  
The repercussions would become
An overkill of sorts
Eventually do a number on
Me next place I’d hit
Is rock bottom
The cold lonely
Nights behind the bottles
Amounted to nothing
The emptier I became
Looking to fill the shelf’s
In need of some real company
As I numbed myself
To no avail
Rejections the absence
Of true love
Filled my heart with hatered
How could I ever truly
Love another
When I hated myself with a passion
I just wanted to blanket
Myself and numb out a world
That didn’t feel right
And to top it off
How badly I was bleeding inside
Really made hurting that much worse
Harder to even breathe
With no end in sight

Pale moon light
The catacombs
Missed there mark
Simulations downgraded
Shocked energies
Truth serums
Singled me out
Running endlessly through
My veins
When will the novocaine
Fully activate
Mercy show me
A little compassion
Connecting the dots
Vortexes in a fiery
The whirlwinds
I saw coming yet
Couldn’t get out of the way of  
A clarity I wish I could taste
That leaves no doubts
No stone unturned
Wait I take that back
Leave them in the ground
Enormous wounds
Lapses in the brightness
Uttering carelessly
No ill will
Intended yet
Poorly executed delivery
Your lips
Are moving
Yet your voice
Is barely coherent
Escape hatch
Buried deep in the tunnels
Of this hectic animation
Locked from the inside
A stranger housed in a black lagoon
Prowls like a lost soul
Where is his gatekeeper
Creatures of the night
The degrees of separation
Can’t seem to
Change me fast enough
Hollow out whatever good still hides
Like a stranger inside his skin
A one off
With enough blemishes to
Make me honesty question my true nature

Sleight of hand
Diagrams only
Confused
The many regrets basking
In a hand basket
Trying to stay warm
A smoking gun
That never missed
The kiss of death
Our long fought history that stained
Ace of spades
It’s best to just let it be
Game over
That dog won’t hunt anymore
The sun went
Down on us
Long ago
And I realize
There’s absolutely no
Turning back zero chance
Fabricated you and I
We may be blood
But we are far from
A perfect oneness
But what we had
Was never truly genuine
In my eyes a made up lie
To help us feel better
About the true likeness a
Maternal bond  
The differences that cloned
Between us
My hearts bitter
And my walls went up
To shield me from you
And the sick and twisted games
The theatre you held me in
Like a puppet
I was sick of the hurt
The way you dragged me
Through the mud
I find myself resenting you
Far to much
And I don’t want to be reminded
Of you and thee
Hatchet that will never be buried
Between us not in this lifetime

BYGONE
Wasted filth
No glory in my wrath
Game set match
No one’s gonna save
Me from the memories that haunt
The anxieties swelled
My body’s telling
Me to take a deep breath
And relax if only
A young lad wet
Behind the ears
How could I possibly
Call the shots
My innocence was
Wrongfully exposed
If my fate
Was predetermined I was doomed
Then the limelight
Could never suit
Me well
Give me a side juncture of my own
I’d just like to feel comfortable
In my own shoes for a change
Bitter in the lens
Serious buyers remorse
Self acceptance
Is a very difficult chore
To be myself would be
A beautiful thing
Only wish I felt that way
Knew how to inflate happier
Energy into my deflated body
But what I encountered from childhood
Has the makeup of a hay
Wired mainframe
Caught in a frenzy
The darker side
Was laid in verse
Far from a yellow brick road
Accepting the unacceptable
Never amounted to much
The brick walls
I tried too build
To shield my soul
Numbing as the addictions grew
Coming to grips enraged thee
Unlocking the painful
Past
That I’ve never been immune from
Self sabotage swerved rapidly
They tell me to grow up
When I wasn’t given the
Chance too
Walking in step hoping the ground
Doesn’t cave beneath me
Throwing wood on the fire
Hoping the gasoline won’t
Ignite into an inferno
Wanting to experience some
Authentic moments worth relishing
Later in adulthood
Who are they to tell
Me who or what I am
Can or can’t do
Bygone if only I could take back
What was mine
The years they all stole
They had zero right in doing so
Yet they gladly did

Shiny toy guns
Let bygones
Be bygones

Comradery was never

Truly established
As a whole commodity
The realm of possibility

Left out of the equation

All together what a pity
Early on I was not to be found
I often retreated

Hid out of plain sight

To protect myself
Keep what little pride I had left
And became hush in the dark

Dreaming of a better alternative

Loose lips ~ Sink ships

My battle ship was sinking
As I hung on by a thread
When wicked peaked

It’s head in and had it’s way

Put it’s hammer into me
Like a flawed time stamp
The ménage were

All blind to the callous truths

Avoiding the light at all costs
A casual smile
Seemed uncomfortable

An embracing hug

Scared me deep into rejection
Embroidered in me
A hopeless gloom I couldn’t shake

Time has removed some
Of my stitches
Yet the scars are clearly visible

A gravitating spark
You just wanna feel it **** you in

And be rejuvenated
Before it’s too late
Ride a new BYPASS

To waters uncharted

Magnetic
A ugly grin
Not of my canvas
Superman
To my kryptonite
If there’s no tomorrow
Life’s been
A hard pill
To swallow
After all I’m only human
Flesh and bone
Eventually ashes in a box
I’ve felt sick
But that doesn’t even begin to tell
The full story
Cringing in agony
Imaging an alternative universe
More times then not
Overwhelmed
Handicapped by my own mind
I’ve gone head
Too head with thee worst
This so called place has to offer
Thee violent
Mood swings can
Be so brutal
The highest of highs
Quickly become thee opposite
Where’s the middle ground at
A catatonic state leads to
Def con five moments
Straight down the rabbit hole
You begin to fall
Buckle up
Making life hard to navigate
It’s not right by any means of thee
Imagination

Unlocking the hurt
How much
Can one truly take
Nobody’s god
Ever saved you from yourself
Pennies for a dime
Glaring needs
Current state of things
Never judge
A book by it’s cover
Can’t seem
To find a melody
Beauty’s in thee
Eye of the beholder
We hide behind are masks
In plain site to feel important
To fit in to what
Create a world that’s fake
So we can escape the true realities
Of life
And not expose are selfs
To the harder sadder truths
What really matters
The things we hate thee most
Become us
Like a game of cat and mouse
Who really wins in the end
Life seems like giant game of charades
Where everyone can feel
Like a winner when they really aren’t

Opposites attract
Chokehold undone
I’ve scaled
Mountains
And seen the bottom
Of barrels
Patience lacking in abundance
Instant gratification
Only harmed
My ego
Frustrations came a roaring
Held me back
Stoic to a degree
I’m still here
Aren’t I
Sensitive to thee touch
I’ve always worn
My pain on my sleeves
I’ve cried I’ve bled
My scars they show regardless
If you stair deeply
Into my hazel eyes
You could see right inside
The depths I’ve treaded water in
Stubborn like a piece
Of metal
I rarely shine
Bend but you can’t
Completely break
I’m not made of glass
Yet I’ve had to be
Put back together many times
To this day still being
Crafted by the chisel above
Hopefully one day
A glowing reflection a spitting
Image of you
One could only hope

Sobbing
Past life persona
Feather under my cap

Nihilist guardianship falters

Sleepwalking
In sorrows
Squashing the urges

Never lessens the pain  

Un~ Masking the confusion
Calling out a
Everlasting calming

Total recall

Like a deer in the headlights
Faulty ~ Kinship
I might as well

Have been Adopted

Sensory overload
Maybe this is all obsolete
Crystal ball

Tell me all your ***** secrets

Curse the paths of my life
No more will
You rule over me

Who or what can predict

Future or past outcomes
Furthermore I rest my case
Holding all the cards

Close to the chest

Beckon of light
Guiding me in another direction
Rewinding all the tapes

And watching it all

From the beginning
There is zero chance
Of that ever happening

A life lived is just that

I’m laying down my remote
Taking my gloves off
Why would I wanna take

Another look clairvoyantly
Through someone else’s lens
Only to be blinded by darkness

Mirrored ~ Piquancies
Out of my hands
Not frequent enough

The bite felt around the world

Self infatuations

Abrupt melancholy
Receding Intimidation
Almost won out

Bleeding prisms no more shackles

I almost threw in the towel
And waved
My white flag

My own faults mended

Leading to my
Glory road tour
Unlocking the cellar door

I’ve come to realize

Breaking bread
Swinging for the fences
Now I play for a different team

My debt has been fulfilled

Beginning again
Let that corrupt vessel
Sail and sink

To the bottom of the ocean

I needed  
A new area code
The realizations spoke loudly

And a transformation began

Out of body
Experience
I woke from my stupor

Alive clear headed ~ Sober

And humbled beyond measure
No comparison
To where I’d been left for dead

I Scratched and clawed

My way back
To the surface
Longevity I’ve outlived

All expectations and then some

Survived the trenches
Of hell torches put out
Coherent speech flows freely

Legible writing spreads
Swept under the rug
Past ordeals bounced

Restoring order taking back
What was always mine
It’s all starting to make sense now

UNLIMITED CLARITY
DAYLIGHT
A FULL HEART

WERE BY FAR
HIS GREATEST GIFTS

HE COULD HAVE EVER
GIVEN ME
AND I AM GLAD HE UNTIED

MY HANDS
AND PUT IT ALL
BACK WHERE IT BELONGS

Sacrificing
My well being
Roll of the dice
Stoic to a degree
A heavy price
Was paid
Misplaced pictures
Passing time
Never put my mind at ease
My youth
And all between
Wildfires wiped
Me out
Waking up
Became such a heavy burden
For thee
Longest time
I was far from okay
Yet no one knew
Just how badly I was hurting
Inside but me
Holding on for dear life
You held me together
The pain
Piled up tell it overflowed
Guess it had to go
Somewhere after
The dam finally burst
The nap sack I carried
Around outweighed anything
You could ever imagine
Or ever want to experience
First hand
But eventually the past
Washed away into another tributary
And my life raft took me a shore
To better days I wouldn’t trade for anything

Master to my slave
Taking your
Sweet *** time
False demonstrations overpowered
Glass elevators shattered
Misleading vibes
Wrong floor
Levers I should
Have never pulled
A right of passage
That wasn’t laid out properly
Denied my privilege of free reign
I died a
Thousand times over
Fantasies a fake reality
Could I ever over empathize
That enough
There’s an absolute difference
Take a look around
I need an out route
A backdoor to salvation
Shield me
From my outer self
The holes in my chest
An absolute savageness
That this life has served up
Many a sins that ravaged
If you don’t reveal another
Thing that would be quite
Extraordinary to me
Be my one and only cloak
A way to be revitalized
In another universe
Everything’s out
Of focus keep me in your sight
Conceal me till thee time runs out here
Could it be
The whole time
I’ve been here trying
To convince myself of anything else
That the pale moon light
Has danced in my head like a evil heathen often does

Peaking in and out
A trip inside
Your head
Isn’t always a pleasant one
Feels more like a permanent state
Sadness knows
No bounds
Doesn’t stop for anyone
Without command on a dime
It’s always there
Thee wheels are turning
Contemplating
The end of my run
Here on earth feels like it’s
Coming to a close
Sooner rather then later
You’ll never
Get what makes me sad
Thee blues came
Calling again
Heavy rains
Flooded my mind and heart
Just like before
I’m too tired to care
Blistered to thee core
And the gas tank is almost
On empty
I wanna wake up somewhere else
In a majestic place
I’ve never seen before
Dance with wildflowers
Run freely in green pastures
With thee lilies
Ride off into thee sunset
Once and for all
Have my name called
And watch the sunrise from thee heavens above
Like a cloud of ash spread on a seashore
**** evaporated into thin air
Now you’ve gone on your way
Be still and free broken man
You’ll no longer have too hurt
Rest peacefully and find comfort
In knowing that fact
Thee lord will set you free when
He’s good and ready

Bottoms up
Even the chaos
Can speak
A striking
Resemblance shows face
Quieter clusters similar
Cut the
Umbilical cord
Like an umbrella
Drowned out at sea
Music box
Priceless inheritance
Yet the gold is rusting
Reprinting making anew
The fraudulent tones
Fading harmony
Fallen star
Not far behind
The distance between
You can’t fathom
Losing my reality
Swinging from
My pendulum
Pressure cooker
I held my breath to long
It almost buried me
Wiping sweat
From my brow
Deceived by the notions
The lacking of understanding
What’s two feet in front of me
Miscellaneous acquaintances
Mis calculations
Add up
Backfired in a positive light
Patiently awaiting a revival

The startled of frozen,
like a soul's been tasered
a bridge apart to flee,
No wild to be comforted
in homeless of the sheltered,
Mumbling back streets,
of fallacy of the demons.
Anger of a sign "no exit."
Trying but each day's wasted
in my father's shameful eyes,
I have nothing left to say,
flicking pebbles before it rains,
haphazard movement of trains,
I just wish to jump in front of in.


(Jay Jelly)

Swinging from
My pendulum
Pressure cooker
Held my breath
It almost buried me
Wiping sweat
From my brow
Deceived by the notions
The lacking of understanding
What’s two feet in front of me
Miscellaneous calculations
Backfired

(RGH)

The start of misery,
a child's woken ears
to hairy situation
of startled fears.
I'll barely consciously
barely able to weep
in ****** of history.

I whispered my secrets
to darkness of demons,
became my possession
and my repressions
Anger was silence,
and peace was a fleet,
bobbing up in the bay,
and I vision it to this day.

(Jay Jelly)

Bottoms up
Even the chaos
Can speak
A striking
Resemblance shows face
Quieter clusters similar
Cut the
Umbilical cord
Like an umbrella
Drowned out at sea
Music box
Priceless inheritance
Yet the gold is rusting
Reprinting making anew
The fraudulent tones
Fading harmony
Fallen star
Not far behind
The distance between
You can’t fathom
Losing my reality
Swinging from
My pendulum
Pressure cooker
I held my breath to long
It almost buried me
Wiping sweat
From my brow
Deceived by the notions
The lacking of understanding
What’s two feet in front of me
Miscellaneous acquaintances
Mis calculations
Add up
Backfired in a positive light
Patiently awaiting a revival
A duet piece between Jay Jelly and myself.

COMPARTMENTALIZING
Aimlessly catapulting
Mug shot
Tug of war
Capitulating
Dark signs
Gazing bright lights
Gaining momentum
Like a game of charades
An angel without wings
Masquerading
On a ferris wheel straight to hell
The ******
That life threw in
My direction
Like a molotov cocktail  
Watered down sorrows
A lonelier soul
Build me a barrier
To keep the sharks at bay
Holy water tides
Shield me in your grips
My vesper amelioration
Please listen to
My desperate pleas
My calls for you
Triumph and pain
Conquered at last
Melodramatic passages
My upper echelon
Oh how I could savor it
My shrine became
Deconstructed slowly but surly
Discomforting recollections
I could pick
Your savageness out of a lineup
Daedric the face of a demon
Who inhabited my spaces
And violated me
My psychological warfare
Damaged me to a slow *******
Conflicting thoughts
Deconstructed me
I’m in a maze for life
Of unrecognizable things
Like a bad trip
Around the globe
Separating illusions
From actual facts
Is truly the issue at hand
Compartmentalizing way more
The one should have too
Saturated in a unhealthy environment
I always have been

Pop the cork
And unleash
All your sorrows
Housed in
Plexiglass
Knee deep in
The times
That evaded me
Border line insane
Not centered
You reap what you sow
I’d rather be
More grounded
No amount of love here
Could seal up my seeping wounds
The glowing embers
Oh how
I wish I cloud erase them
Digging up dirt
Diving in head first pilling
Up on top of me
As I wish upon
A star am I all out of wishes
Maybe one day
The agony will dissipate
Every which
Way I look
Starving for
Something greater then me
When will my shoes finally
Fit properly
Always searching for
A simpler alternative to
My mind of madness
It amazing what you can get used too
A rugged complexion
That’s hard to understand
Resembling
Anything that I’ve been unable
To translate into something readable

Pop the cork
And unleash
All your sorrows

Housed in plexiglass

Knee deep
In the times
That evaded me

Border line insane
Not centered
You reap what you sow

I’d rather be more grounded  

No amount
Of love here
Could seal up my seeping wounds

The glowing embers
Oh how
I wish I cloud erase them

Digging up dirt
Diving in head first pilling
Up on top of me

As I wish upon a star

Am I all out of wishes
Maybe one day
The agony will dissipate

Every which way I look
Starving for
Something greater then me

When will my shoes
Finally fit properly
Always searching

For a simpler alternative
To my mind
Of madness  

It’s amazing what you
Can get used too
A rugged complexion

That’s hard to understand
Resembling anything
That I’ve been unable

To translate into something readable

Wrestling thoughts
Never gonna
Be enough

Everything falters

Hollow breath
Leaves you speechless
Broken wounds never heal

Winding roads spiral

Raging seas
Never cease to abandon
No matter how

Good it might get

The blanket comes off
You can’t hide long enough
I always find my way back

Too the cellar

That place deep inside
Of my head that’s always
Welcoming Me with open arms

That never lets up

Only disappoints
Time and time again  
I wish I could wipe away

That part of me for good

Thee memories that bind me
To the ground
And have held me prisoner

All my life

Simplicity has always eluded
My being and I ask myself WHY

Untamed
Born I died
Checkmate
Lock and key
Lack luster
Picket signs
No longer on strike
A proper entity  
Hell in a hand basket
Passed down
Ideally mine
Life rewritten
My Neon grave
Future tripping never
Achieved anything
Salivating
Constellations
Apples to oranges dissident
That which I inherited
Coercion backfired
If I could play god
Even conceive the thought
Entertain the power
To act out on my own
Create my own life
How selfish of me
Hypothetically
Traveling back I would have written
A magnificent story
My perfect scenario
Wrapped up neatly in swine
If I’d had a say
I would have laid
Out a much better path
Heck I’d probably have been gone a
Long long time ago
I’ve always over conceptualized
The life I never had
My own death mattered more to me
Rather then run a sprint
And find the finish line to my marathon

Way past pleasantries
Incoming dissension
Hold your applause
Zero gravity
Let me down slowly
A smoking gun
Is that my true fate
Far from a truce
Is it really necessary
At this point
Chemical reactions
Malfunctions are far to common
In my spaces
Refraining my next move
Could be my last
Paper lanterns burning in the distance
Empty chairs
Become very ordinary
Anticipating where
My pain will hit me the most
Misdirected
Unfortunately
It’s my own to bare
Why the hell can’t it ease up
Even a little
Serenity oh how I
Wish you’d sweep me up
And wrap me in your tender arms  
Where exactly
Can I find that kind for comfort here
I’ve all but given up on
Because I can’t tune out
Control the noise levels that
Run lividly through me
Because maybe in this life
I just don’t deserve it
And I’ve just accepted that fact
That maybe
I’ve just had bad luck
Along the way
When others should have been
Paying attention
Instead they ran the other direction
And
I’ve been confiscated by
My own impersonator for an ample period

Obstacles inhabit
The weight of the
World’s on my shoulders

The closer I

Get too the light
Thee enemy will push
Back that much harder

The creator of the universe

Heaven and earth
Everything and more
All mighty one

My security blanket you are

So beautiful
You’d never forsake me
Leave my side

There’s an aching in my chest

A void that
Needs to be filled
Hurting so deeply inside

Yet I’m still standing somehow

You’ve always been
Thee one constant
When everyone else ran

You stood tall hands folded

Head looking up
Blue skies gleaming
Suns shining brightly

Eyes closed deep in thought

Calling out too you
Insecurities hamper my being
Faults splinter my path

My soul bleeds for comfort

Far from perfection
A work in progress
Slowly repairing the broken pieces

That are scattered

Make me whole again
Walk by faith
In that which is unseen ~ unexplained

But always the one constant in life

Felt in your heart
And your spirit
Not by misguided words

Lies that are spread

In thee darkness
There’s always a light
To find your way home

Wether you see it or not

It’s there guiding you
Protecting you from harm

Cover me heavenly father
Now and forever more

Smug haymakers
Paint the skies red
You could cut the tension
Like a hot knife through flesh
The demise
That’s long overdue
***** little
Whispers tattered
And beaten down
Life then death
Tomorrow everything
Becomes extinct
Is this all
Pretend or just
A bad dream we can’t wake from  Point of no return
No concern
For the ultimate consequences
Hatred comes
In all shapes and sizes
In plain sight
Clear as the end days that are coming Remedies without
A real cure
The devils in the tinniest details
Hear the roar
Of the mighty beast
As the carnage takes hold
Along with the heathens
Who walk in line
Who or what
Is going to save
Us from ourselves
The propaganda that’s been
Spread for generations
The lying and brainwashing
Straight to there faces
How can a good majority
Be so gullible
Spilled like the bloodshed of the Innocent
Plenty of chaos to follow
This world Is staring death
In the face
A sad judgement day for most
Rotting in hell
But we’ve already seen it all
Here for decades
So most here probably could care less
Isn’t there a better alternative
Fear the reaper
Armageddon will eventually show its face
When the earth swallows
Humanity whole
All that’s left resembles
Smoke clouds a haze of infernos
Ashes to ashes dust to dust
Hell on earth then oblivion
The purest evil that lures
A unavoidable chaos
All the bad apples that didn’t
Fall far from the tree
And the armies of lunacy
How dare them all here’s to thee end

Far from ordinary
Extraordinary possibilities
All the what ifs

They make me wonder

Like a crazy tiger on thee hunt

How could they not  
Keeping me up at night
Shooting stars

Vastly approaching

Your constellations
Drawing me
Into it’s swells

Sands of time devour me

In your sweet essence
A domino effect
Is unfolding

Casting out my rod too see

If something bites
Inside sources mesmerized
Fast tracking

My instincts are rarely off keel

Surging imaginations
Running wild  
Dim the lights

Close all the shades

I’d be lying
If I didn’t say
That I am slightly curious

Window shopping in my head

Teleporting to you
Oh how grand
That would be

Forces of nature

On a collision course
Colliding
Certain things

Don’t just happen for a reason

What a coincidence
In the making
If the world

Stopped spinning

Would
X MARK THE SPOT
Maybe we met

In another life many moons ago
A face I have yet
To put a voice too

YET A SWEET CALMING

MAKES A HEART GROW FONDER

CURIOSITY HAS ME WONDERING

WHAT IF

Status quo
A cross to bare
Marvel in your majesty

And tame the belligerent beast

Uncanny depictions
Sprinkled with hope
Laced with lies

Of the other

Weighing the pros and cons

Home or
Thee alternative
Pick a hand wisely

The shadows between the stars

Red clouds of sulfur
Cannon ball run
When the dust

Finally settles it’s score

Dual personalities divided
Who’s side
Will you ultimately pick

There can only be one

Clear winner
In the end
My alter ego whispers

Violently without grace

As my biggest supporter
Is pleading for my release
Purpose for my pain

Seems like such

A loaded heavy question
Passings in time
Circling back

Permanent formation
Settling right in
The current state of affairs

Is immensely gratifying

Decisive overwhelming choice
Victory won
As my enemy

Retreats because of all
Your glory alone