ADORE*+
Knowing what I
Do now
Talk about
Bad timing
The debt
I had to repay
Was steep
The reveries
Of my mind
I hold you there to this day
My head it still spinning
What a
Paradise I found in you
Moments
Of pure bliss
You stopped me
Dead in my tracks
I was
Lost without a trace
You gave my life true meaning
And a purpose
It was hard to breathe
After you went away
Your beauty
To my beast
A match made in heaven
God sure knew
What he was doing
When he created you and I
The times I want back
The things I never
Got to say
To see you again
Standing in front of me
Would bring my heart and mind
Such joy
I could never comprehend
Unfortunately you came at a time
That didn’t work
Because I was lost in
My own madness
How could I truly love you properly
When I never loved myself
I owed you more then that
And you deserved so much better
Then me
I will always adore you
To the ends of the earth and beyond
Where ever you might be
Just know that I’m eternally
Grateful for the time we had
I just wish it wouldn’t have
Got cut off sooner then it had too

Fraying
Paper heart cuts
A penny for my thoughts
The sinking feelings
In the back of my head
Swell
Has the quicksand won
Falling short
The hourglass has fallen
Fly on the wall
Shocked
Talking to god
Black butterfly sputters
Stuck in a cocoon
Trying to disguise
The hurting
Defuse the situation
At all cost
Mourning
When the sun
Won’t rise on your street
Advertisements cold and wretched
Far from fake news
From shore to shore
It continues to print tirelessly
Realistically
What exactly
Am I looking at
Head in my hands
All this blasphemy
Nazareth
Paint a prettier scenery
Produce much better results
Someone call a hearse
Inner circle
Who’s pulling the strings
Holy wars
I’m all ears
Dark ballads
Never missed
There mark
They mocked and prodded
Any chance they got
No vacancy sign
Guess it wasn’t bright enough to see
Clearly
Yet you all lived
In my head rent free
Like a bad neighborhood since birth
And I want what I’m owed
Plus back pay
A billboard that should be
Burned to scrap donated elsewhere
Idyll as I am
I’ll take a one way ticket to a new euphoria

Shadow games
How it never went
Disowned
The Devil was out to
Get me
My sweet surrender
That may or may not
Show it’s face
Couldn’t come fast enough
I’d have to learn
Things the hard way
If you open up
Pandora’s box
Eventually there will be
A chain reaction of events
Running mach five
With my hair on fire
Trying to fill
The voids
In search
Of a friend a quick fix
And one sip
From the chalice
And I was hooked
As the poison turned me upside down
Complete control was granted  
The repercussions would become
An overkill of sorts
Eventually do a number on
Me next place I’d hit
Is rock bottom
The cold lonely
Nights behind the bottles
Amounted to nothing
The emptier I became
Looking to fill the shelf’s
In need of some real company
As I numbed myself
To no avail
Rejections the absence
Of true love
Filled my heart with hatered
How could I ever truly
Love another
When I hated myself with a passion
I just wanted to blanket
Myself and numb out a world
That didn’t feel right
And to top it off
How badly I was bleeding inside
Really made hurting that much worse
Harder to even breathe
With no end in sight

BYGONE
Wasted filth
No glory in my wrath
Game set match
No one’s gonna save
Me from the memories that haunt
The anxieties swelled
My body’s telling
Me to take a deep breath
And relax if only
A young lad wet
Behind the ears
How could I possibly
Call the shots
My innocence was
Wrongfully exposed
If my fate
Was predetermined I was doomed
Then the limelight
Could never suit
Me well
Give me a side juncture of my own
I’d just like to feel comfortable
In my own shoes for a change
Bitter in the lens
Serious buyers remorse
Self acceptance
Is a very difficult chore
To be myself would be
A beautiful thing
Only wish I felt that way
Knew how to inflate happier
Energy into my deflated body
But what I encountered from childhood
Has the makeup of a hay
Wired mainframe
Caught in a frenzy
The darker side
Was laid in verse
Far from a yellow brick road
Accepting the unacceptable
Never amounted to much
The brick walls
I tried too build
To shield my soul
Numbing as the addictions grew
Coming to grips enraged thee
Unlocking the painful
Past
That I’ve never been immune from
Self sabotage swerved rapidly
They tell me to grow up
When I wasn’t given the
Chance too
Walking in step hoping the ground
Doesn’t cave beneath me
Throwing wood on the fire
Hoping the gasoline won’t
Ignite into an inferno
Wanting to experience some
Authentic moments worth relishing
Later in adulthood
Who are they to tell
Me who or what I am
Can or can’t do
Bygone if only I could take back
What was mine
The years they all stole
They had zero right in doing so
Yet they gladly did

COMPARTMENTALIZING
Aimlessly catapulting
Mug shot
Tug of war
Capitulating
Dark signs
Gazing bright lights
Gaining momentum
Like a game of charades
An angel without wings
Masquerading
On a ferris wheel straight to hell
The ******
That life threw in
My direction
Like a molotov cocktail  
Watered down sorrows
A lonelier soul
Build me a barrier
To keep the sharks at bay
Holy water tides
Shield me in your grips
My vesper amelioration
Please listen to
My desperate pleas
My calls for you
Triumph and pain
Conquered at last
Melodramatic passages
My upper echelon
Oh how I could savor it
My shrine became
Deconstructed slowly but surly
Discomforting recollections
I could pick
Your savageness out of a lineup
Daedric the face of a demon
Who inhabited my spaces
And violated me
My psychological warfare
Damaged me to a slow *******
Conflicting thoughts
Deconstructed me
I’m in a maze for life
Of unrecognizable things
Like a bad trip
Around the globe
Separating illusions
From actual facts
Is truly the issue at hand
Compartmentalizing way more
The one should have too
Saturated in a unhealthy environment
I always have been

Pop the cork
And unleash
All your sorrows
Housed in
Plexiglass
Knee deep in
The times
That evaded me
Border line insane
Not centered
You reap what you sow
I’d rather be
More grounded
No amount of love here
Could seal up my seeping wounds
The glowing embers
Oh how
I wish I cloud erase them
Digging up dirt
Diving in head first pilling
Up on top of me
As I wish upon
A star am I all out of wishes
Maybe one day
The agony will dissipate
Every which
Way I look
Starving for
Something greater then me
When will my shoes finally
Fit properly
Always searching for
A simpler alternative to
My mind of madness
It amazing what you can get used too
A rugged complexion
That’s hard to understand
Resembling
Anything that I’ve been unable
To translate into something readable

Untamed
Born I died
Checkmate
Lock and key
Lack luster
Picket signs
No longer on strike
A proper entity  
Hell in a hand basket
Passed down
Ideally mine
Life rewritten
My Neon grave
Future tripping never
Achieved anything
Salivating
Constellations
Apples to oranges dissident
That which I inherited
Coercion backfired
If I could play god
Even conceive the thought
Entertain the power
To act out on my own
Create my own life
How selfish of me
Hypothetically
Traveling back I would have written
A magnificent story
My perfect scenario
Wrapped up neatly in swine
If I’d had a say
I would have laid
Out a much better path
Heck I’d probably have been gone a
Long long time ago
I’ve always over conceptualized
The life I never had
My own death mattered more to me
Rather then run a sprint
And find the finish line to my marathon

Way past pleasantries
Incoming dissension
Hold your applause
Zero gravity
Let me down slowly
A smoking gun
Is that my true fate
Far from a truce
Is it really necessary
At this point
Chemical reactions
Malfunctions are far to common
In my spaces
Refraining my next move
Could be my last
Paper lanterns burning in the distance
Empty chairs
Become very ordinary
Anticipating where
My pain will hit me the most
Misdirected
Unfortunately
It’s my own to bare
Why the hell can’t it ease up
Even a little
Serenity oh how I
Wish you’d sweep me up
And wrap me in your tender arms  
Where exactly
Can I find that kind for comfort here
I’ve all but given up on
Because I can’t tune out
Control the noise levels that
Run lividly through me
Because maybe in this life
I just don’t deserve it
And I’ve just accepted that fact
That maybe
I’ve just had bad luck
Along the way
When others should have been
Paying attention
Instead they ran the other direction
And
I’ve been confiscated by
My own impersonator for an ample period

Smug haymakers
Paint the skies red
You could cut the tension
Like a hot knife through flesh
The demise
That’s long overdue
***** little
Whispers tattered
And beaten down
Life then death
Tomorrow everything
Becomes extinct
Is this all
Pretend or just
A bad dream we can’t wake from  Point of no return
No concern
For the ultimate consequences
Hatred comes
In all shapes and sizes
In plain sight
Clear as the end days that are coming Remedies without
A real cure
The devils in the tinniest details
Hear the roar
Of the mighty beast
As the carnage takes hold
Along with the heathens
Who walk in line
Who or what
Is going to save
Us from ourselves
The propaganda that’s been
Spread for generations
The lying and brainwashing
Straight to there faces
How can a good majority
Be so gullible
Spilled like the bloodshed of the Innocent
Plenty of chaos to follow
This world Is staring death
In the face
A sad judgement day for most
Rotting in hell
But we’ve already seen it all
Here for decades
So most here probably could care less
Isn’t there a better alternative
Fear the reaper
Armageddon will eventually show its face
When the earth swallows
Humanity whole
All that’s left resembles
Smoke clouds a haze of infernos
Ashes to ashes dust to dust
Hell on earth then oblivion
The purest evil that lures
A unavoidable chaos
All the bad apples that didn’t
Fall far from the tree
And the armies of lunacy
How dare them all here’s to thee end

Back porch blues
I’m seeing ghosts
Skimming through
The pages
Burning bridges
Searching
For glory in my hell
Unaccompanied
Guilty innocence
What a pity
Had it all stripped just like that  
Orphaned
That look in your
Eyes that echos in pain
The sad little
Boy who cried
Wolf and no one came
Running to save him
How could his parents
Be so cruel
Abandon him in the direst
Of moments
That would shape the sands
Of time
What would the future hold
Wish I would have never known
The answers to that
Now a man struggling
With what ifs
All I wanted was to be a boy
And enjoy my childhood
Wondering where all the time went
Wasting away
In the distant cries  
Of a youth that took me under with it

EYE IN THE SKY
Shape of
My heart
Tug of war
Torn to pieces no longer
I’ve waited here
For you
Unspoken
All things are possible
In what I can’t see
With my own two hazel eyes
Stand up fight thee
Good fight
Survival of the
Fittest  
No time for wasting away
Seeing is
Believing
One spark
Changed it all
Life finally begins
Better late then
Never
I’d almost given
Up on myself
A life I thought
I could never have
For myself
Came to be
Landed in my lap somehow
Closed my eyes
Took a leap of faith
Learned to fly
And trusted in something I’ll
Never fully understand
Took a leap of faith
And learned to live again
Redemption never
Tasted so sweet
Full speed ahead
Cup overflowing
No turning back around
Thee past is dead
Gone without a second thought
Or care for that matter
Living in the here and now
Never felt so satisfying
Alive finally free to be
Who I truly am

Pale in comparison
Raven to my dove
Pins and needles
Interluding invaders
Like a sponge
Where’s my
Pitter patter the silence
I wanna drown in it
Salivating resemblance
Tears in my hands
Am I losing my faith
Thee ability to move on
Unhinged the kettles turning black
Not in Unison
Trivial pursuit an endless cycle
Of melancholy
A Captivity
My point of view
Has held me in
Unsteady hand cinder blocks
Have me sinking
I have never been light of foot
Walking on egg shells
Trust is gone
I left it down at the seashore
My walls went up long ago
Swan song
Sing louder help me
Float head up abound in lightness
And let the dim dark tones
Flutter on there own time

FORFEIT
My talisman
Didn’t show itself
Wasn’t effective enough
Ball and chain
Invalid and rough
Too close for comfort
To little too late
I knew better
But it didn’t seem
To bother them
Pardon me
If I just cant get passed it
How could I
Ever ignore that which
Can’t be forgotten
Forgiven at any extent
Because I’m certainly
Not as powerful as you
Speak to me
In tongues and
Stop the distorted screams
That fill my air
Obstinate I’m to stubborn
To know any better
You could never
Sew up the mistakes
That were on display
I was just a young boy
On display a man far from
A different anatomy
Why was I not so fortunate
My DNA was noxious  
Miscarriage why did you
Bring me here  
What if my head
Was empty
Separated from my body
Who or what could hold
Me back down then
Guide me into a different frequency
A world that’s a bit calmer
And forfeit any record of me having been here

SELF-EXPRESSION
Cosmic ebb and flows
Missed the mark
Light years away
Thirsty for
My eternal sunshine
Foreshadowing hunger
In the background
The cold sheets
I lay in
The bad neighborhood
Between my ears
Like a riddle
I am
Trapped inside a maze
One foot in front
Of thee other
Oh how that would be so swell
Evil auras
Spells that were cast
I always saw
Them coming
They sent chills up my spine
Guess I couldn’t change
Direction fast enough
To get out of there way
Can you all
See me from
The mountain top
Landslides
Come in all forms
I see the pain
In which I write with
The tidal waves
That rule
The insanity of my blues
Are they truly all my fault
I rarely
Like company that I can tolerate
Let that of my own
It would be nice to be heard
Recognized by someone other
Than me
Felt adored once in while
Because I show myself
Very little love if any praise
I’ve always fallen
Flat felt like a caged animal
My one true voice
As unpleasant as it often is
Brings me a little hope and joy
An escape for a few moments
A way outta my head
Poetry my one and only therapy

Stained glass
Hearts on fire
Adaptability
Out of reach
If only
My lonely captivity wouldn’t
Have enslaved me
Eviction notice
Where’s my nirvana
Spinning off axis
Chutes and ladders  
Where’s my
Off ramp
My unappealing entity
I’m tangled in it
Shattered hope
Lost somewhere in the sky
Black and gray never conformed to
Grave robber
The villain to my hero
A deity
Fast roping me to safety
The one who knows
And sees all
Please just let me go
Caving in under the pressure
I’m undesirable
Please abort this mission
And move on to the next one
Orphaned caterpillar
Never blossomed into a butterfly
Why did you give
Me life
To just let it be wasted
Away without merit  
On other people’s careless betrayals
Impersonating someone else
Became a sick game
There was
No regard for my emotional stability
My imperfections became
A muse
For my unsettling nerves

Stingy echos
The stale air that
Fills my lungs
White noises
Silence is more then welcome
Falling on deaf ears
My howling horizons
Miles apart inside
Boxed in a compartment
Me myself
And I
Who have
I ever been deceived along thee way
Crumbling
Fields of elation
Receding daylight
Constantly over
Thinking day dreaming
Way out of my depths
You rained down
On my parade
From day one
Stripped the armor off
And left me for dead
My tsunami seas
Made me delusional
Navigating life
I couldn’t seem to read
My compass properly
The mirages that lied
That bathed my
Broken spirit in there sands
Like a mothers milk
How could I go without
You stole away my kingdom
And exiled my soul
Where would I be
If you hadn’t
Put me under your spell
The white picket fences
I’ve longed for
Instead replaced by prison bars
Of your imposter syndrome

INFINITE
Unlike any other
Praying aloud
A star
I was wishing upon
Ironic shores
Shadows die
In the limelight
An awakening refreshes thee soul
Fiddler on the roof
No matter the cost
My precipice
Of bad dreams
And omens
Has fluttered to an end
Judgment day has come
Floods of lights
Give me back my sight
Sunshine’s like no other
Warms me to the core
Swing open the pearly gates
As I’m finally rolled into one peace
All that was lost
Time never did me
Any favors
What ever
I was
Was not the
Intended outcome never meant
To be anything more
Bathing
In your cherished glory
Fleeing my untimely horizons
All the madness
Runs a flow
Holy water cleanses
Me off my beaten path
Holding back the tears
Have I finally arrived
Ready to reveal my true self
Letting go of everything
Rebooting in your infinite house
Of astonishment walking along
Right beside you still

MANIA MY WAKING DREAM
Tragically
The twisted romance
That’s fizzled out
I’ve played
A part in making
Make believing
So compelling it
Almost had me convinced
Facing actual data
Told me the complete opposite
Life sold me out
To the highest bidder me
A constant causality
Fake applause
Death rattle
Catatonic pressures
Fables lye idle  
When will
Thee feelings pass
Honestly I’ve stopped caring
When will my mind and body
Finally catch up
As the real world
Overlaps with fantasy
What’s left over I’ll take the latter
Overlapping dream scapes
The vividness dips it’s fingers in me
It was as if
You were standing
Right there
Then I reached to grab hold
Of you and you vanished like a ghost
Why did you not recuse me
Instead you left me here
Subconsciously unaware
Of my surroundings
Quickly I awoke
From my continual waking dream
Realizing it is what it is meh
The mania running wild again

SELF-EXPRESSION
Cosmic ebb and flows
Missed the mark
Light years away
Thirsty for
My eternal sunshine
Foreshadowing hunger
In the background
The cold sheets
I lay in
The bad neighborhood
Between my ears
Like a riddle
I am
Trapped inside a maze
One foot in front
Of thee other
Oh how that would be so swell
Evil auras
Spells that were cast
I always saw
Them coming
They sent chills up my spine
Guess I couldn’t change
Direction fast enough
To get out of there way
Can you all
See me from
The mountain top
Landslides
Come in all forms
I see the pain
In which I write with
The tidal waves
That rule
The insanity of my blues
Are they truly all my fault
I rarely
Like company that I can tolerate
Let that of my own
It would be nice to be heard
Recognized by someone other
Than me
Felt adored once in while
Because I show myself
Very little love if any praise
I’ve always fallen
Flat felt like a caged animal
My one true voice
As unpleasant as it often is
Brings me a little hope and joy
An escape for a few moments
A way outta my head
Poetry my one and only therapy

Scandalous beauty
Rotting in view
Why was I always the
Sacrificial lamb
I should have
Taken an oath
To draw myself closer
To you sooner
Instead I allowed
The evil to wear me like
A sad painting
Soaking up my sanity inch by inch
Consuming me
Entirely to often
All my praises
Belong to you from here on out
What happened before
Shouldn’t matter
Yet it still displaces my being
Ball and chain
Breaking rocks falling face first
I never had a say
As I was blindsided
By a life I would have written
Differently and had
It been more decent  
Terrorized by
Meaningless tyrants
Like a sick addiction
It became maddening
Forgiveness
Is a skill
I’ve never quite mastered
And probably never will
My tarnished
Image split me in two
Mirroring a hologram
Left to pick up the pieces
Has never reflected well
In my direction
As I’ve stared it all in the face
The mirrors
That have broken me apart
Sadly to this day
Are the ones I hate the most

Freedom from myself
Saved by grace  
Enslaved in my head
This all feels so wrong
Waiting for the end to take me
Gazing upward
Who am I to say
Times up
Demoralizing horrors
Self hatred
Demons zeroed in
Hell came
In a hand basket
Today came and went
And I decided I’d rather
Not see tomorrow
Living in this body
My mind is just not doing me
Any good
I’ve been living on borrowed time
And now I wanna hand
In my voucher
I’m just so tired
And the fight in me is gone
I want peace and quiet
Nothing else
Face facts I should have
Been gone a long long time ago
Nothing has been more apparent
The here and now doesn’t mean much
Probably never has
Have I ever truly enjoyed life
I think I’ll take that
To thee grave with me
Mourning there after

I’m flawed
Not a saint immoral
Lingering regrets
Longing for something that
Resembles Heaven
Slaying the mighty beast
Leaving him incapacitated
When will my hell
Freeze over cease to be
No resolve all out of glimpses
Hashing out looking for
A needle in a hay stack
High as a kite
One of a kind
My last stand
A one off
Deserted roads
I drank myself to death with the devil
Never worth a nickel of my time
But who really cares
I can count my true friends
On one finger to hell
With all my acquaintances they’ve
Been gone for decades now
Smoke screens feel the air
No false alarms
Inside I should have known invalid
My hyperbaric chambers
Cut wide open
Only one holds the key
To my salvation
Humble thee who’s ungrateful
And doesn’t want any of this
My candle burns
At both ends
Dry bones
A carbon copy
I’m tired of looking at
In need of my refreshing sanctuary
Show yourself
Rise up and guide thee
But it maybe too late
Hanging on a whim
And a prayer
I’m tired of my story
It’s less then lackluster
At least that’s what I’ve been told
Maybe I’m jealous
Envious of what I can’t have
Or become
Truthfully I’m just bored
Trying to be me
It’s an overwhelming task
With excruciating circumstances
A complete overkill if you ask me totally mundane

My chronicles
Invaded my
Bloodstream
Divide and conquer
Trials and tribulations
Was it all worth it
Have any true merit  
Karmas a beast
Where’s my dogma
Rainbows in the sky
My complacent
Continuum
A momentary lapse
What I needed
To hear
The end
Only became thee beginning
At a loss for words
Sweet smells
Granted immunity
Balance and clarity
Behold holy water
Phosphorescence
Heavens gates at last
Everything before irrelevant
Maybe it was bad luck
Bad timing
Just not meant to be
Regardless of the circumstances
Painless and whole
I don’t hurt like it used to
Can’t feel anything but the harmony
Of this vast undiscovered universe
Carve
Me out a true home
Erase the dark
Where has my dark passenger
Gone too finally vanished
Free to roam as I please
When the fires
Put out completely
And the winds
Die down fail to swoop
My perfect moment
Has finally come to the forefront
I can’t hardly imagine it
But I’ve pictured it a thousand times
Over and over
Standing firmly before you
Knowing I’m finally exactly
Where I’m suppose to be
And truly belong

ONLY YOU
Who am I
Without you
Broken no longer
I give it all to you
The road to heaven awaits
Take the wheel and stear
Rainbow in
Thee dark
Guiding light
My anchor in stormy seas
Still here today
Because of your love for me
Eternally grateful
Humbled daily
My everything
High and mighty
In you all things
Are possible I’m not worthy
Your mercy and grace
Fills my cup
Have held me together
Throughout the years
Trials and tribulations have
Come and gone
The one constant is you
By my side
You hold me together
Save a seat
For me at home
Keep me in your heart
Know that I’m not perfect
Your protection shields
From the hate and negativity
That fills my world
Frees me from my sins
Blessings abundant
Your water gives me life
Your blood flows through my veins
Without you I’m nothing
With you all things become a virtue

Winding rivers
I bathe in
Stirring
False narratives
Bleed the same
Slowly
Excavating my soul
Pulling levers hoping
One should open
Elevators up to the top floor
Eventually it all crashes down
Shiny diamonds
Barricading me in there awe
Rusty copper Pennie’s
That’s more like it
Thunder and lightning
I wanna see
My skies align
Rolling hills
No end insight
Breach of contract
You and I
Never truly aligned
Like fire and ice canceling
Each other out
Never a perfect match
Hyperventilating telepathic waves
The stewing ghosts
In my closet  
Wish they knew
Like I do
How I hurt like hell
Confusing illusions daylight
To my wallowing nights  
Desperately seeking
A muse too take the lid off
Some kind of
Joyfulness to put me in it’s vise grip  
An antidote for the agony
To go away for a while
The outer spaces
Of my mind or something like paradise
Oh how I long for them

Asunder
Birds of prey
Hard headed
Gravity
Incomplete story
In need of my
Sweet salvation
I can’t walk
On water
Wishful thinking
Out loud
Ringing the bell
Twelve rounds are up
Spiraling out
Of control
My crutch can’t withstand
The pressure
Like a stick of dynamite
Exploding daily
Fountain of youth
I’ll pass
I’d never wanna relive
All the unbearable moments here
I’ll never drink from the cup
Because I’ve seen more
Then enough of all this
So called life
For a thousand lifetimes in vain
Dead weight free falling
Into flames
Like a bomb
Falling from the sky
Catastrophic damage up next
Would you shield me from
Thee explosion
Before I fall  
To my demise  
Parachute open up your
Door to me eternally yours
I will be forever in your debt

Beyond deceiving
Better off
Forgotten
Untold fortunes
Explosive circumstances
Unfairly treated
I’ve seen
It all
On a rusty platter
Flashes in the pan
Like fireworks
They lack any true humor
I relive the
Slight hesitation
That ringing in my ear
The daylight
I’ll never redeem
What a consolation prize
The darkness became
Too afraid to
Go outside
Even open the front door
So I just hid
A cruelty
Far to often seen
Yet for some reason
Never seems to conclude
They said
Jump and you
Said how high
Clueless depictions
Wound up
Tightly and spring loaded
Then they went boom
Absolute clarity
Absorbing
All the blows
Bullies and passer byes
They did me no favors
Stitch me up nice and clean
And throw them outta
My playground
Contagious swells
Swept across
My oceans my boats continually sank
To thee bottoms of thee abyss
Prairies like wildfires
The paragraphs
Sketched deeply
In my being
Flowers hovering over my memories
Have fallen on
My grave already
Get me off this merry go round now
I’ve been around these circles
Long enough

RELINQUISH
Holy water
Protection from me
Everlasting sunlight
A coat of armor
Thee afterlife
A place of peace
Safe from harm
When the dust
Finally settles
Emerging
From the carnage
My mind
Is a complex machine
And may never go
Completely quiet
But one day
I shall flourish
Without you in complete control
I will no longer be
The fuel on your fire
A match you can just
pick up
A constant victim
Your prisoner no longer
Enough already
It’s been long enough
Scaling back
Turning the channel
Your yesterday’s news
You will no longer
Wrap your arms around
Me like chains I couldn’t
Break free from
I’m putting my sword
Down I don’t wanna
Fight you another day
Here’s to a bittersweet farewell
Goodbye my enemy
Forever so long
I’m surrendering
To a different idea point of view
I’m relinquishing your
Very existence
Dropping the same ole sad songs
And preparing
For my moment of solstice
Along with
A multitude of comforting peaceful
Moments
Deafening blues and gray skies
No longer relevant
I can finally hear clearly
See my light at the end of the tunnel

RITUAL
Belle of the ball
Turns to tar
Never too reconvene
Egregious serpent
Here furthermore  
Target someone else
Off to never land
Limbs and debris
Six feet of gravel
Unwritten tablet
Dejected as I am
Whistling winds
Drain my arteries
Wishful thinking
I got caught by a robber
Looking inside my crystal ball
When you
Get sadder
And stuff it all down
It only stiffens to a board
That much easier to translate
Then comes back
And blindsides you out of nowhere
Provoking
The none ****** insanity
Only rubs salt in thee wounds
Makes me that much more uneasy
The rituals that
Run wild with time
Take me in there grasp
Voodoo dolls
Constantly poking and prodding
Theoretically applied in my skin
Gently
The sun is burning
In my dead sky’s
Solemnly heard
My moon is howling in the mist
Keep the wolves at bay
Get me the hell outta here  
I really don’t want
To outlive everyone else
I would rather everyone else outlive Poor ole me
That’s a simple known fact of mine
And just let me get to home base first
Let these rituals be the sacrifice
Of someone else not my own

Dissolving shadows
A faceless man
Stoic I am not
Wounded
Crimson tides
The heavy whispers
Raised
In the dimmest of corners
Obscene occurrences
Plowed me over
The stinging
Bitterness only added fuel to the fire
Sweet and sour
Far to much deception
I wanna
Travel to a place
Where nothing stands in my way
Endless pain
My heartache has
Me defeated
Has me waving
My white flag
Will the wings from
Above grab hold of my broken wings
Before the sky falls in on me
And let’s fly away forever
Fall asleep peacefully
Oxygen
Swallow me whole
Till there’s no more
Air to breathe
Holy water bathe
Me in your divine waters of purity
Saturate me in anonymity
Tell I’m free and clear
Of this place for all eternity
All brand new in a clean slate in heaven

BILLBOARD
Fraying
Paper heart cuts
A penny for my thoughts
The sinking feelings
In the back of my head
Swell
Has the quicksand won
Falling short
The hourglass has fallen
Fly on the wall
Shocked
Talking to god
Black butterfly sputters
Stuck in a cocoon
Trying to disguise
The hurting
Defuse the situation
At all cost
Mourning
When the sun
Won’t rise on your street
Advertisements cold and wretched
Far from fake news
From shore to shore
It continues to print tirelessly
Realistically
What exactly
Am I looking at
Head in my hands
All this blasphemy
Nazareth
Paint a prettier scenery
Produce much better results
Someone call a hearse
Inner circle
Who’s pulling the strings
Holy wars
I’m all ears
Dark ballads
Never missed
There mark
They mocked and prodded
Any chance they got
No vacancy sign
Guess it wasn’t bright enough to see
Clearly
Yet you all lived
In my head rent free
Like a bad neighborhood since birth
And I want what I’m owed
Plus back pay
A billboard that should be
Burned to scrap donated elsewhere
Idyll as I am
I’ll take a one way ticket to a new euphoria

SCINTILLATING SKIES
Curator expired
Expunged realm
Ominous canvas
Outlined in the sands
Washed out at tide
The slates wiped clean
Gate keeper
Catcher of dreams
Take aim at me
My acid rain
Showers halted
Exchanged for infinite baths
With you
When the truest hurts
No longer need comforting
And I’m finally cured  
Entirely freed of all this
Breaths of fresh air
Come easy
Finally embraced at long last
Tiny dancers on my shoulders
Singing in hymns
Telling me it’s finally
Okay to roam amongst thee
Maybe it’s
Confession time I’m long overdue
Time to lay it all  
Out there for him to see
As if he already hasn’t
My heaviest burdens
At the feet of the lord
For him to see and hear
Loud and clearly  
One day my
Appeal may be heard
And I shall be granted my freedom
To have all I need
Certainly none of this
In pure abundance
What a moment
Then maybe you’ll be able
See the clarity in my eyes
Feel my heart beat steadily
And then just then
I’ll be able to take off my black robe
That’s held me in it’s wrath
All my life
Scintillating skies no longer elude
They uplift and whisk away my soul
Finally knowing I’m whole again home

Dancing willows
Spotless movements
Never my own
Monumental gains
Unachieved
Overcome
With attrition
Last call
Use me up
And just let me go
Life’s guilty pleasures
I never found comfort in
Unlit avenues
The face of
A thousands heartaches
The stillness
Painted me like a sad scenery
As everything
Else moved about  
A grounded flight sat and wondered
Flawed character
My nostalgia ran
It’s course
The sentiments only
Grew dimmer
As time stood still against me
I became frozen
I’d gladly
Trade a pound
Of my own flesh
For an ounce of ecstasy
My darkest days here
For a slice of the pie
In the sky
Self aware of just how
Baldy and broken I’ve always been
Self acceptance the one thing
I could never truly deliver for myself

Spiraling
Silver spoons
Have lost there shine
Relapsing innocents
Flew thee cope  
Then came
The Intense retribution
In coming
Avalanche
Left with a
Splintered periscope
And tainted blood
Violently flowing
Creepy non scintillating
Deja vu setting in
Pivoting transitions
Retreating to calmer waters
May I find a path
To a
Unparalleled universe
When thee unknown
No longer scares you
Heavy critique falling by the wayside
Crumbling decades
The bad company
That kept me companion
No response do not resuscitate
I’m perfectly fine with that
Goodbyes are
Easy when
No one is alert
One more time
Around the track
Then I’m jumping ship
Future outcomes
The unpredictability of these
Uncertain times
Have taken the wind outta my sails
How  I’ve dreamed of something
More ideal
That I could never have here
May the shockwaves
Of this soiled place
Wash me away in the wind
Be felt with me
No longer in it

SOMETHING LIKE A REVERIE
Volumes
That never shut off
Breathing in
Thee light and dark
Decipher fact from fiction
If you can
Apparitions
Far from a fairytale
Few and far
Shadows and shift shapers
Rolling winds
Ordinary wouldn’t
That be something
Unrelenting
Happy thoughts
Come and go
I wish they’d stay
A little bit longer
How can one
Be alive
Yet deep inside feel so
Dead to a world
He never belonged in
Often things can
Appear to good to be true
So never fall for thee lies
They can be misleading
And spread like wildfires
Why can’t I just stay here a
Little bit longer in this
Make believe place
My reverie dream state
Close the door and lock it up tight
Behind me
When I close my eyes
Things are suppose to be quiet
If only that were thee case
For someone like me
Let these elixirs fill me up
Help medicate my twisted thoughts
And erase thee melancholy
That continually eats
Away at my soul
Make me believe
Maybe for a moment
That it’s okay feeling thee way I do

Ever glow
Walking instep
A seamless transition
Before I go
Haunting lullabies
My weary dreary
Anguish
Pockets
Full of misery
A nameless soul
Outmatched
Red light won’t change
Grappling hook
One eye opened
The ticking
Clock on my wall
Hasn’t moved in years
Retribution day is
Just around the corner
Time to put the
Book down
Complete surrender
Living on borrowed
Time somethings gotta give
By now
If this is
What hell looks like
I’m running the other direction
I’ll take a one way
Ticket to heaven
I’m starting
To believe this planet
May be
The indications are all around me
Catastrophic events of life
Have proven me right
They occur far to often
In my circles
To tell me different
For it not to be
Poor ole me I say
Stuck between a rock and
A hard place
Standing still in neutral

I’m eternally thankful to have found this WEBSITE!!! WITH SUCH TALENTED FOLK… THANKS TO ALL WHO READ MY POEMS… AND THE FEEDBACK IS AWESOME!!! 👏 FINALLY I FEEL LIKE IM BEING HEARD PROPERLY… GOD BLESS YOU ALL GODSPEED 🙏🙏🙏

THEN YOU CAME
Time we can’t
Get back
All we have is today
This very moment
Nothing less
Let’s make thee most of it
So lost before
Empty dirt roads
Consumed me
I was looking for
A wholesome highway
A light at the end of thee tunnel
Out of the darkness  
I walked alone
For a very longtime
Guarded my heart
Kept my head down
Had no interest
In finding a partner
Or love for that matter
I hid myself
Because I never
Felt good enough
For anyone else
Let alone myself
I’ve had
To make adjustments
Step out of
My comfort zone
And that’s not always easy
Wether I
Deserved you or not
I’m eternally grateful
To have you
It all happened for a reason
Then you came
And now you’ve
Become thee
Best parts of me
Worth seeing
The lord works
In mysterious ways
An Angel appears
When you least expect it
Out of nowhere
You changed my life
Good things come
To those who wait
It was a miracle finally
And I never saw it coming
Like a flower in bloom
I had no expectations
Just a hope of sorts
You were different
Sweet to thee core
Took the time
To get to know
The real me no judgments
A beating heart like no other
Three years later
Through thick and thin
It’s a lot of work
And here we are
But for thee first time
Feels worth it to me
Feels like a dream
Worth waking up too
The lord
He must have known
What he was doing
All along
Bringing us together
Many wrong turns before this
Finally I made thee right one
Then came you

Screeching anthems
Emotional vampire
Enemy of my agony
Brittled so called friend
Nestled between
Pieces in thee deep depths Somewhere in my soul
Infringement
Igniting embers
Gaining traction
Suffocating
Caged sanity
Tourniquet barely holding
Edge of a cliff
The ferocious beasts
Are hunting attempting to
Hand in my resignation
Chain linked
Hands and feet
Oozing secrets
Sounds of fury
Reality gave me glaucoma
The killers of day colorblinded
A last glance
Burning me like a cigarette
To the last puff
Beating a dead drum
Accomplishing nothing
False pretenses
Coddling me to no end
Overprotective of
My thoughts you never were
The proofs in the pudding
Unamused beyond a reasonable
Doubt of anything I certainly was

Condemnation
Are we way past the point
Of no return
The insanity
That floods and paints
Thee streets in it’s ugly colors
Is laughable
Soldiers unite and follow
Your so called leaders
To who knows where
Unhinged and let the
Wreaking havoc explode
Appetite
For destruction
Turn the tv up a little louder
And let the fake news run wild
As there lies spew out there guts
Innocent for a minute
Just let the greed
Seep into your pores
And the hunger for power
Is like an addiction
Where’s your crown now
Boom goes the dynamite
Far to many are guilty
Yet they still run freely
How is there no consequences
Rule of law is dead
Power is the ultimate king
As all the madness
Comes knocking
In today’s chaotic world
It all blows up in your face
Take the click bait
And watch the inferno
Run you up a wall
Block out the outside noise
And run and hide if you can
Before the inferno barricades
You in it’s path
Make an alliance to no one  
Close your windows
And think for yourself
Let them insert the hatred
In someone else’s veins
Let the skies bleed red
On them all
And don’t fall for there trap
The realities of there
World should never match up
With your own opinion

Speed of sound
Without restraint
The birds and
The bees
Flying in the oppositions skies
Back to square one
Just because
We are blood
Doesn’t make us family
Even if
The lights are
On doesn’t mean
Anyone’s home
Born and
Left on a strangers
Front porch
To fend for myself
Locked doors
Unanswered questions
A plenty
The wars that
Were waged
Battles I fought against
Absentee parents
***** donors
Hit and run I was the victim
The mother and father
I never knew
I had were never present
Who cut a hole right through
My soul  
Left the pieces of me
To pick up alone
And the puzzles still incomplete
In the grand scheme of things
A undeniable cruelty
That will not be forgiven
I just cant wrap my head around
Uninhibited my screams will
Never stop till the day the anger
Dies all together

UTOPIA  
You take thee
Dullness away
A sparkle
Like no other
Your my
Light at thee end
Of the tunnel
How could this be
All because of your
Unconditional  love for me
Happier days
Lights shining brightly
Nights alone gone evaporated
Heartache subsiding
A gift sent
From thee heavens above
I couldn’t ask for anything more
Am I truly deserving
Of such fulfillment
Maybe so
Thee stars aligned
Just right
Dreams becoming a reality
Minds becoming clearer
Heart is filled with joy
Pinch me I must be dreaming
Don’t ever let me wake up
A shooting star appeared
Right place
Right time
I wished upon
Suddenly came to fruition
I’m blessed to have you by my side
Wouldn’t want it any other way
From thee bottom of my heart
I’ll love you tell my very last breath
You can always count on me
I’ll never leave your side
Thanks for always believing in me
Being there when no else was
Because of you
I’ve learned too live again truly

Faint sun burns
In the dark
Break down this fortress
Detached from
Reality
Growing impatient
Alter the mistakes
A purpose for pain
When sentiments align
And the static subsides
Suddenly
All the commotion
Stops
To the right
Soul a connection
Undoubtedly uncanny
It’s a rare feat
To cross
Paths with someone
Who sees life like you do
Almost or to good to be true
One in million
A almost exact wavelength collides
An explosion of sorts
Who would have thought
And for a moment
It all makes sense
Why everyone else is clueless
Because they’ve never been
Where we have
And probably never will
If we shut down
Well there’s a **** good reason
Behind it
To go rouge
So leave it alone
The conversations feel effortless
What a relief
One in the same
And the deep feelings are mutual
Go summon
All thee angles
And tell them we are ready
Why not wait tell tomorrow
Today’s a good a day as any