COMPARTMENTALIZING
Aimlessly catapulting
Mug shot
Tug of war
Capitulating
Dark signs
Gazing bright lights
Gaining momentum
Like a game of charades
An angel without wings
Masquerading
On a ferris wheel straight to hell
The ******
That life threw in
My direction
Like a molotov cocktail  
Watered down sorrows
A lonelier soul
Build me a barrier
To keep the sharks at bay
Holy water tides
Shield me in your grips
My vesper amelioration
Please listen to
My desperate pleas
My calls for you
Triumph and pain
Conquered at last
Melodramatic passages
My upper echelon
Oh how I could savor it
My shrine became
Deconstructed slowly but surly
Discomforting recollections
I could pick
Your savageness out of a lineup
Daedric the face of a demon
Who inhabited my spaces
And violated me
My psychological warfare
Damaged me to a slow *******
Conflicting thoughts
Deconstructed me
I’m in a maze for life
Of unrecognizable things
Like a bad trip
Around the globe
Separating illusions
From actual facts
Is truly the issue at hand
Compartmentalizing way more
The one should have too
Saturated in a unhealthy environment
I always have been

MANIA MY WAKING DREAM
Tragically
The twisted romance
That’s fizzled out
I’ve played
A part in making
Make believing
So compelling it
Almost had me convinced
Facing actual data
Told me the complete opposite
Life sold me out
To the highest bidder me
A constant causality
Fake applause
Death rattle
Catatonic pressures
Fables lye idle  
When will
Thee feelings pass
Honestly I’ve stopped caring
When will my mind and body
Finally catch up
As the real world
Overlaps with fantasy
What’s left over I’ll take the latter
Overlapping dream scapes
The vividness dips it’s fingers in me
It was as if
You were standing
Right there
Then I reached to grab hold
Of you and you vanished like a ghost
Why did you not recuse me
Instead you left me here
Subconsciously unaware
Of my surroundings
Quickly I awoke
From my continual waking dream
Realizing it is what it is meh
The mania running wild again

BYGONE
Wasted filth
No glory in my wrath
Game set match
No one’s gonna save
Me from the memories that haunt
The anxieties swelled
My body’s telling
Me to take a deep breath
And relax if only
A young lad wet
Behind the ears
How could I possibly
Call the shots
My innocence was
Wrongfully exposed
If my fate
Was predetermined I was doomed
Then the limelight
Could never suit
Me well
Give me a side juncture of my own
I’d just like to feel comfortable
In my own shoes for a change
Bitter in the lens
Serious buyers remorse
Self acceptance
Is a very difficult chore
To be myself would be
A beautiful thing
Only wish I felt that way
Knew how to inflate happier
Energy into my deflated body
But what I encountered from childhood
Has the makeup of a hay
Wired mainframe
Caught in a frenzy
The darker side
Was laid in verse
Far from a yellow brick road
Accepting the unacceptable
Never amounted to much
The brick walls
I tried too build
To shield my soul
Numbing as the addictions grew
Coming to grips enraged thee
Unlocking the painful
Past
That I’ve never been immune from
Self sabotage swerved rapidly
They tell me to grow up
When I wasn’t given the
Chance too
Walking in step hoping the ground
Doesn’t cave beneath me
Throwing wood on the fire
Hoping the gasoline won’t
Ignite into an inferno
Wanting to experience some
Authentic moments worth relishing
Later in adulthood
Who are they to tell
Me who or what I am
Can or can’t do
Bygone if only I could take back
What was mine
The years they all stole
They had zero right in doing so
Yet they gladly did

FORFEIT
My talisman
Didn’t show itself
Wasn’t effective enough
Ball and chain
Invalid and rough
Too close for comfort
To little too late
I knew better
But it didn’t seem
To bother them
Pardon me
If I just cant get passed it
How could I
Ever ignore that which
Can’t be forgotten
Forgiven at any extent
Because I’m certainly
Not as powerful as you
Speak to me
In tongues and
Stop the distorted screams
That fill my air
Obstinate I’m to stubborn
To know any better
You could never
Sew up the mistakes
That were on display
I was just a young boy
On display a man far from
A different anatomy
Why was I not so fortunate
My DNA was noxious  
Miscarriage why did you
Bring me here  
What if my head
Was empty
Separated from my body
Who or what could hold
Me back down then
Guide me into a different frequency
A world that’s a bit calmer
And forfeit any record of me having been here

INFINITE
Unlike any other
Praying aloud
A star
I was wishing upon
Ironic shores
Shadows die
In the limelight
An awakening refreshes thee soul
Fiddler on the roof
No matter the cost
My precipice
Of bad dreams
And omens
Has fluttered to an end
Judgment day has come
Floods of lights
Give me back my sight
Sunshine’s like no other
Warms me to the core
Swing open the pearly gates
As I’m finally rolled into one peace
All that was lost
Time never did me
Any favors
What ever
I was
Was not the
Intended outcome never meant
To be anything more
Bathing
In your cherished glory
Fleeing my untimely horizons
All the madness
Runs a flow
Holy water cleanses
Me off my beaten path
Holding back the tears
Have I finally arrived
Ready to reveal my true self
Letting go of everything
Rebooting in your infinite house
Of astonishment walking along
Right beside you still

ADORE*+
Knowing what I
Do now
Talk about
Bad timing
The debt
I had to repay
Was steep
The reveries
Of my mind
I hold you there to this day
My head it still spinning
What a
Paradise I found in you
Moments
Of pure bliss
You stopped me
Dead in my tracks
I was
Lost without a trace
You gave my life true meaning
And a purpose
It was hard to breathe
After you went away
Your beauty
To my beast
A match made in heaven
God sure knew
What he was doing
When he created you and I
The times I want back
The things I never
Got to say
To see you again
Standing in front of me
Would bring my heart and mind
Such joy
I could never comprehend
Unfortunately you came at a time
That didn’t work
Because I was lost in
My own madness
How could I truly love you properly
When I never loved myself
I owed you more then that
And you deserved so much better
Then me
I will always adore you
To the ends of the earth and beyond
Where ever you might be
Just know that I’m eternally
Grateful for the time we had
I just wish it wouldn’t have
Got cut off sooner then it had too

SCINTILLATING SKIES
Curator expired
Expunged realm
Ominous canvas
Outlined in the sands
Washed out at tide
The slates wiped clean
Gate keeper
Catcher of dreams
Take aim at me
My acid rain
Showers halted
Exchanged for infinite baths
With you
When the truest hurts
No longer need comforting
And I’m finally cured  
Entirely freed of all this
Breaths of fresh air
Come easy
Finally embraced at long last
Tiny dancers on my shoulders
Singing in hymns
Telling me it’s finally
Okay to roam amongst thee
Maybe it’s
Confession time I’m long overdue
Time to lay it all  
Out there for him to see
As if he already hasn’t
My heaviest burdens
At the feet of the lord
For him to see and hear
Loud and clearly  
One day my
Appeal may be heard
And I shall be granted my freedom
To have all I need
Certainly none of this
In pure abundance
What a moment
Then maybe you’ll be able
See the clarity in my eyes
Feel my heart beat steadily
And then just then
I’ll be able to take off my black robe
That’s held me in it’s wrath
All my life
Scintillating skies no longer elude
They uplift and whisk away my soul
Finally knowing I’m whole again home