I'm an embarrasment
The clothes I wear; the way I talk
My short physique and my big head
I'm the subject of ridicule
And I can't do anything about it

I can't stop needing glasses
Or liking girls over boys
I can't talk without an accent
Or wear better quality clothes
I can't help being me...

Wearing my own skin
Looking at the world
through my own eyes
has become impossible

It's not simply a collection of stories
But rather my memories
Memories of how those books got there
Characters' whose company
Helped me through my darkest times

"Artemis Fowl"
The day I lost my brother to the army
With nothing but a book
To remember him by

"Tower of Dawn"
When Yrene Towers was my only friend
Even in an empty room, with that book
I never felt truly alone

"Heir of Fire"
8th grade school year
With two Cs on my report card
I didn't know if I were to make it

"Rules for Disappearing"
The year when all I wanted
Was to disappear..
Perhaps from life itself

Even though I've held it before,
the gun felt heavier
And even though it was still cold,
the handle felt warmer than usual
As if it knew what was going to happen
and didn't like it

I placed the barrel to my head
And took a deep breath
As two thoughts came to me
There's no reason to hope..
Nothing will change..

I take a step towards the door to my memories
Then another and another
I'm past the threshold
When the door slams shut
The sound and force of it
reverberating through my body

I turn my head to the door
but there is only darkness
I grab the door ****
I try to twist it
It doesn't budge.
Again. Again. Again.
It doesn't move .
I push against the door.
I bang on it.
Hopefully someone will hear;
hopefully they will help.
I'm banging on the door
When my knuckles turn ******

Suddenly! A noise!
Like claws being sharpened on stone
A sinking feeling flows through me
as I'm faced with the blood red eyes of my biggest demon

Love is happiness overcoming other emotions
It's when the world stops being just you
And they becomes you're center of gravity
You can't stand being without them

Their happiness is the best feeling in the world
They make you be the best possible version of youself
They cry.. You cry,  They smile.. You smile,
And it's the same for them too
It's living. Not surviving..or existing..but living.

I poured out my heart in a tear filled speech
With absolute honesty I held almost nothing back
Yet they still didn't understand
How could they...
When I am their biggest disappointment
How could they believe I am sad
When I always hid it with a smile
Pleading for help
For just a small bit of comfort
I'm faced with anger for my weakness
They think I just want attention
To them I'm just throwing a "pity me" party
They tell me to get over it
That I'm being a drama queen
My mom said three words that filled me with emptiness
"**** IT UP".
© right now, Kylie

I sit on my bed
a sharp razor in hand.

I pull back my sleeve
revealing scars no others will see.

Then one cut. And two
It's blood that rushes down my arms.

I look down and smile
The blood..the pain..is distracting.

It distracts me from my life
right outside the door.

Distracts me from the bullying
from the name calling and pushing.

But it doesn't distract me from
the main reason I cut.

I cut because it's my dad
that causes me the most pain.

With his hands and his feet,
child abuse is all he offers.