If you fall for a player,
      you better be tough.
They’ll not pick you up
      once you’ve fallen,
nor will they stop
      to check if you’re
            still breathing.
Players are players.
They’re in it for the game.
If that is so, then
       *am I just a pawn?

I feel as if i have left behind my passions.
Dropped them at the door.
This house makes me forget my plans,
Our plans.

I've got no clue why.
They all just run away.
When you make me forget, it's different.
It's needed.

The days just blur together while trapped.
This house, is not a home.
I, as mother pointed out, just sleep here.
Tis' not where I belong.

One day, we'll leave this place.
You'll save me from my tear filled nights.
She won't be there whispering doubt into my ear.
Just ask silly, I'll say yes.

A year has passed,
one year without your smile.

Three hundred and sixty-five days,
of not hearing your simple laugh.

Too long Bre,
too young to be taken from us.

I miss you, your smiles and laughs,
your sayings and our jokes,
but most of all,
*I miss you

You were never mine,
yet, I feel my heart breaking.
You were never mine,
yet, I can't let you go.
You were never mine.

Somewhere,
        unseen by prying eyes,
There's a blade,
        the one that almost ended my life.
That simple razor,
        it hides from prying eyes,
               It hides from your eyes.
Because of that blade,
       I have felt pain,
               the blood draining.
That blade was once,
        my only friend.

Yet again it's suddenly August, the 8th month of the year.
Where did the rest of the year go?
It's almost gone.
This year has been amazing though!
Velcro and Matt have come into my life.
(Two adorable kittens)
I got engaged, I've started to feel more adult like.
Yet the year is still flying by!
I just want it all to slow down!
Well kind of, I want March to be here.
March 20, 2017 I change my name.

Sitting
and
Waiting.

                                            Waiting
                                             and
                                            Sitting.
All day.
I've waited for a text.
A message.
Something.
                                               I can't help
                                               but fear the worst.

You think it's over,
then it hits you.
It has only just begun.
The running,
the yelling,
the fighting.
Dear lord,
It has only begun.
I'll try to get out,
doubt I'll have much luck.
Running won't help,
Yelling either,
Fighting will just make it worse.
But how,
how can I get out?
How would I do this?
Why, why me?
I'm nice.
I'm good.
But still this happens, to me.
Me only.

Little girl, little girl.
Why do you cry so?
Small child, small child.
Those tears should cease to flow.
Kind sir, kind sir.
Why do you question me so?
Tall sir, tall sir.
If you must know, I'm missing someone dear.
Tis' all you need to know.

Nights.
Nights like these.
Nights like these when I miss you.

Days.
Days like these.
Days like these when I feel you close.

Mornings.
Mornings like these.
Mornings like these when I long to be in your arms.

*It's times like these that I love you so

A child,
         my child.
With eyes like mine,
         maybe hair too.
A sweet little thing,
         whether boy or girl.
Half me,
          half you too!
They’d be darling.

Wake up
Walk dog
Get dressed
Brush teeth
Go to work
Clock in
Put on a smile
Deal with people
Scream internally
Make drinks
Make mocha
Clock out
Go home
Walk dog
Eat food
Watch T.V.
Play games
Go to sleep

Start again tomorrow

Some joys are unknown,
most sadness' also.
My joy is silly,
my sadness is deep.

Our love is strong,
but the tears are bitter.

You are far,
    But my dear,
       Think of me?

You are near,
    But my dear,
        Don't forget me?

You are gone,
    But my dear,
        You're still here.

... They feel so short.
I feel as if time is passing me up!
... It's running away! I just know it..
from me, the explosion waiting to happen.

Since I spilled my guts!
Since I opened up!!
Since I told you my life story!

Hi there :)

My heart stays hidden,
       I don't know where,
       I just know it's hidden.
It hides from my eyes,
        in a box,
        maybe on a shelf.
Wherever I hid it last,
        there it lies.

We want you to see,
To show you our secrets.

This is a safe place.
I feel vulnerable,
Yet safe here.

Please,
Be gentle.

Do you know that I'm hurting?
Do you know that I'm in pain?
Do you know that I wish I could just leave and never come back?

They say you do.. but it's not like you show it.

Some may say that it's my fault, that I'm the problem.
But I don't think that's the case.
Just speak to me.
Just tell me what you need.

I've explained myself over and over.
You know what's wrong.
You know what I need.
Just listen for once.
I need communication.
I need help.

Take me as yours,
Please?

I'll be a good girl,
Maybe a bit bratty at times,
But I'll be good for you.

Pretty, pretty please?
Anything you ask,
Your wish is my command.

My darling,
you came out of nowhere,
but you were always there.
You helped me,
you saved me.

My dearest,
you've made me stronger.

Spiralling

Lost

Dissociated

Ribbons..
that's all I want to do..
just want to carve myself into ribbons and go away.. I feel that if I was gone that everything would be okay.. if I didn't exist that