Not knowing why
But I always want to cry
With every breath
I crave my own death
I have no reason to feel this way
But my demons love to play
I have friends that I don’t deserve
I wish a positive thought I could preserve
I hide these feelings so well
But when alone tears start to swell
Faking a smile that never lasts
A girl with no future and no past
A girl with a broken family
A girl who just wants to be free
Wishing go to drown or hang
Because these thoughts my demons have sang
There is no meaning in this heart beating
So my life is ever fleeting
Living in constant heartbreak
Not sure if my life is just a mistake
Im walking through life with nowhere to go
But I’ll just say I’m going with the flow
Sometimes I think about self harm
So instead I scribble stars on my arms
Tgese thoughts creep in at night
But this battle is too hard to fight
Trying to run from my mind
But in this darkness I am blind
I wish someone would hear my plea
But I know no one will rescue a girl like me

Can you see me,
while I’m drowning?
Surrounded by misery,
while you stare, smiling.
Cover me in your ink,
fill me with your lies.
The further I sink,
and I slowly close my eyes.
Secrets I hold,
the scars I hide.
The water is cold,
but my hands are tied.
Sinking in the tears I’ve shed,
as you hold me down.
No one knows how much I’ve bled,
as I continue to drown.

Hello my dear,
ignore the screams you hear.
The furnace heating the room,
casting the burning skin fume.
You wonder where all your friends gone to,
I eliminated them when they tried to keep me from you.
You haven’t seen the sun for many days,
I’ve locked you in my basement so you don’t run away.
You must be fine because you stopped your cries,
I promise I won’t let you die.
All the girls you’ve ever looked at,
they've been fed to my pet wild cats.
Don’t worry my dear,
no need to fear.
Don't fret my dear,
no one but me shall get near.

Falling behind in my grades,
as my mind slowly fades.
Life is hard,
and in my hand I deal no cards.
Drowning in self doubt,
as my darkest thoughts seep out.
Feeling lost, hope to be found,
as my demons scream out loud.
Uncertain and without trust,
feeling like I’ll bust.
Trying hard to do my best,
trying hard to past every test.
Grades drop,
wish my emotions would stop.
Everything would be better,
if my mom read a letter,
saying I was gone,
and that she move on.
I’m just a burden to everyone I see,
I feel both mine and their life with misery.
Why must I try so hard to be good,
when I'm never understood?
My life feels full of pain,
and like I’m going insane.

His precious eyes
His sweet smile
When I see him my heart flies
I want him to stay awhile
When he's about to go,
I already miss him
If he likes me I don't know
Without him my life is dim
I look at him and want to hold his hand
He smiles and I imagine a precious kiss
If I'm with him I'm in wonderland,
And every second is pure bliss
He is my sky
I want to be his stars
In him I want to fly
He feels so far
Bike rides down the street
Meeting up after school
I can feel my heartbeat
Not sure if I'm just a fool

Sittin’ here without any friends,
as I walk in the crowd I seem to blend.
I’m still the new girl at this school,
everyone with friends seem real cool.
The bells rings and I mosey along,
why is this day taking so long?
I’m in one of my biggest fears,
starting school in the middle of the year!

doctors shove pills down my throat
but I stay quiet, scared to rock the boat
saying there’s no way to fix me
so they end up breakin’ me
I’m fakin’ every part of me
hopin’ someone’ll see
and maybe set me free
tired of being watched with those beady eyes
and im so sick of hearing all the lies
they tell me not to cry
but I wanna curl up and die
tryna to get by
as I silently wonder why
im losing my sanity
to everyone’s vanity
and humanity
Im stuck in a dark place
and makeup covers my face
but I cry it all away
from the pain through the day
and I bottle it up inside
until I find a place to hide
i try to remember who lives beneath my mask
but instead I pull out a flask
cuz to remember is too hard of a task
and I try to ask
what happened to my life
as they hold their steely knife
telling me I’ll never be a wife
my dreams, they don’t matter
my mind full of clatter
as I hear everyone chatter
they Say i need to be thinner
so I skip my dinner
tryna be a winner
but feeling like a sinner
trying to fit this image that everyone wants
but I feel like a hollow ghost that haunts
cuz this being just cannot
So I’ve given it my best shot
I’ve given it all I got
but I’m given in
I know I can’t win
I cut up and down my arms
feeling peace in self harm
I really did try
but I must say goodbye
for soon I’ll die
and leave you wondering why
So I’ll grab a rope or knife
and without another world I’ll end my life

Scared to go to sleep,
scared of the secrets I keep.
Time to go to bed,
and visit the monsters in my head.
They day I’ve gone insane,
but no one sees my pain.
I want to shout,
when the lights go out.
These demons come out to play,
when the lights fade away.
Under my bed and in my closet,
maybe I really have lost it.
Praying for a light or spark,
because I’m afraid of the dark.

My heart is broken in two,
Because I really liked you.
You liked me in seventh grade,
But the fact I have no religion is a blockade.
I should feel relief, but I do not,
I'm moving in sixteen days, and I hate it a lot.
I don’t know where,
But I honestly don’t care.
From you, I’d be far away,
I only have sixteen days.
I get too attached to things I can’t have,
When I lose them, I feel depressed and sad.
Because of the move I had to break up with you,
But I guess you had the same plan too.
I should’ve learned from my past,
That my friendships never last.
My mind is a swirling storm,
But for me, this is the norm.
So many thoughts rushing by,
Because, yet again, I must say good bye.
I wish I didn’t have this curse,
Of emotions that make things worse.
My thoughts jerking left and right,
I know I’ll be crying through the night.
I travel to the darkness to hide,
Becouse the dark is where I confide.
The light,
Its just too bright.
I can’t help feeling confused and wrong,
Even though we weren’t together that long.
Now I’m sitting in class, thinking of you,
Because my heart is broken in two.

I think about you day and night
But I try to stay out of sight
I try to forget you in I can
Because you broke my heart and ran
But I can’t get rid of these feelings for you
Its like the longer we were apart the more they grew
I thought I was over you but I guess I’m not
Its like these memories I hold you’ve forgot
I’ve tried to see different guys
But my heart was whispering lies
From you I can’t seem to move on
Even though our relationship is gone
I hate you for tearing me apart
But I love you because you still hold my heart
I can’t tell you how I feel inside
So from you I try to hide
Because I know you don’t feel the same
And I don’t want to feel the shame
Of you telling me I’m not your type and I’m dead weight
But I guess this is my fate
Sometimes I cannot sleep
Because memories are thoughts too deep
First love comes with first heartbreak
But around you a smile I will fake
You may think I’m trying to make you feel bad
But I’m just writing emotions of sad
A years gone by
But I still cry
These feelings just won’t go away
Maybe you could be mine once again someday

At school I see the couples,
as they laugh and chuckle.
Hearing love songs on the radio,
making me feel ultra low.
Just moved to another place,
not recognizing anyone’s face.
Feeling lonely and in despair,
because im not part of a pair.
Seeing cute boys at my school,
thinking about it I feel a fool.
Trying to ignore my heart,
because it’s tearing me apart.
I know my time will come to love,
I wish I could give my time a shove.
I dreamed of a high school romance,
but for me there is a little chance.

Dear Brain,
Why do you fill my head with crazy thoughts,
Like the ones about pandas instead of cars in parking lots?
Why do you distract my sight from what I need to see,
To looking at a lizard on a tree?
Why do you control my mouth to talk nonstop,
Where I think my friends ears will pop?
Why do you make me listen to odd stuff,
Instead of what I need which makes life rough?
Please Brain, let me know,
What I need to do to make you go.
I want to control my self without ADHD,
But then I guess I wouldn't be me.
Dear Brain, I must ask,
Can you at least relax?
No, I guess thats ok,
At least you make me have fun everyday!

Sittin in the snow
the cold wind blows
and nips my nose
i wonder how deep my mind goes
I remember those days when I felt sane
when my heart wasn’t swallowed in this pain
when I would dance instead of sit in the rain
now this change is as plain as day
how this feeling won’t go away
so instead it stays
and it laughs at the game it plays
it plays on my mind
I’m running out of time to find
to say my last goodbyes
I shut my eyes
the tears turn to ice
on this cold winter night
I’m buried in this fright
I no longer see the light
I gaze up at the sky
wishing I could fly
but instead I must die
the pain from the lies
I try to confide
but no ones by my side
so I run and hide
but no matter how hard I try
my mind won’t comply
to give a little spark
to save me from the dark
so I sit here in the cold
my heart no longer gold
no hand left to hold
my mind growing old
and my bones begin to fold
soon I’ll be buried in the snow
my death is slow
just like the wind I’ll fade
so I take this blade
and I cut deep in my skin
so I say now let the games begin

This is a story repeatedly told
And to be honest, its getting old
The story of my pain
And constantly feeling insane
I just want this book to close
And to escape life woes
But instead it turns page by page
As if each chapter is a cage
I grab an eraser to delete the past
But the memories flood back fast
Is instead I grab a pen to write some joy up ahead
But all the ink is dead
I slowly wait day by day
For it all to just fade away
I wish I could simply start anew
But that is something I could never do
I have done my best and tried
But I ended up wanting to hide
I hide behind a smile
And a certain choice in style
So I can remain behind these broken walls
Because I'd rather be fake than to fall

Playing at the park,
mother said be back by dark.
These memories flood my mind,
as I remember the past left behind.
I sit at a park bench,
my heart starting to wrench.
Tears fall down my face,
as I remember this place.
My childhood went by in a flash,
now I have to worry about having enough cash.
Why is this age such a difficult one,
different from when I was young and had lots of fun.
I might be older,
but im far less bolder.
To my son, don't let your youth go to waste,
Or they'll be just memories you'll forever chase.

In my hand I hold beauty,
In my hand I hold simplicity.
In my hand I hold love,
In my hand I hold something that flies above.
A butterfly sits silently in my hand,
It shall never again fly or land.
A butterfly is the symbol of hope,
A butterfly is supposed to help you cope.
My life is wasting away,
I’m like this butterfly in my hand who won’t live another day.
I stare at the small, delicate creature,
Who will soon die in its leisure.
I stare at the butterfly,
I crush it in my hands and it dies.

Crimson red,
the sight of the dead.
voices in my head,
won't leave even when I'm in bed.
Ghosts all around,
wandering endlessly in this town.
I fall to the ground,
my sanity left unfound.
I hear the screams,
blood running like streams,
stuck in this endless dream,
my eyes with an awful gleam.
Ignore my silent plea,
this is who I want to be.
I will let my demons free,
And let them consume me.
This salty sweet taste,
I can't let it go to waste,
I shall **** without any haste,
for a nightmare, my life is based.

Anxiety attack.
These skills I lack.
Can’t find a way to get back.
No where to go.
The stuff I don’t know.
This darkness starting to grow.
Need a bit of luck.
My mind filled with muck.
Feeling like I’m forever stuck.
Trying to climb the ladder but the bars are broken.
These thoughts left unspoken.
I feel like I’m chokin’.
My soul is a shred.
This thoughts fill my head.
My emotions left for dead.

Ladies?
Who works night and day
Just to make your pay?
Who fakes a smile through a mask
Just because it’s your task?
Who struggles to do what’s right
not sure if they should fight?
Do you work to reach your dreams
ni matter how hard it seems?
Do you try to make yourself perfect
even though you’re already worth it?
Ladies, let me tell you something that is key
your hard work is pure beauty
You're strong,
You're beautiful
You're powerful
You can do anything in the world
even if you’re “just a girl”
because we have girl power!
we’re not just delicate flowers
we pack a punch
And we pack a mean lunch
we may look frail
but we can whoop your tail
so come on girls and join me now!
and show the men that girls know how!
we don’t have to stick to the gender roles
we can break free and let go
meaning you don’t have to like pink bows and skirts
you can like sneakers and dirt!
So come on, stand up and fight
at the end of the tunnel there is light!

We play this game
to cause each other pain
I love to play
and take your life away
holding the knife to your throat
i don’t mean to gloat
but somehow the tables turn
and your knife is what I yearn
we play without rules
and we use some tools
once you through a chair
now is that really fair
guess it is when I grab a gun
but it makes it more fun
Day or night
we put up a fight
we love it both the same
this little game we play

I open my mouth just to shut it tight
I don't know how ill get through the night
The pain I feel deep inside
This I know I cannot hide
Little food that I eat
Because this I can't defeat
I can talk but I'm misunderstood
To help myself I wish I could
I thought it was a gift but it's a curse
I thought it'd get better but it feels worse
I brush my teeth and spit this bitter taste out
I can't escape this without a doubt
I try to get rid of this pain
But I can't which is that plain
I taste the blood in my mouth
But I know I'll work it out

Born of two worlds,
One good and one bad.
My thoughts are always swirled,
And it makes me mad!
I don’t know which side to choose,
Darkness or light?
I have so much to lose,
My heart continues to fight.
Am I a demon or an angel?
Am I day or am I night?
Will I forgive or be vengeful?
Will I choose wrong or right?

They say love is forever
But turns out forever is never
So love is nothing
Or could it be something?
Nothing lasts forever
But we always remember
The times we were happy
The ones we called baby
Our hearts take wing
Our voices sing
The glory of love in our heart
That we’ve had from the very start

I peel the stitches from my face
I always feel out of place
Among my lips a permanent cut
Because I can’t keep my mouth shut
I know what I’m to do
Only speak when spoken to
So much I’m meant to hide
I keep it all bottled inside
Just stay quiet and all will be fine
But these words aren’t theirs they’re mine
Bit if I speak I’ll get ridiculed or worse
The human language is a human curse
For words do hurt more than we thought
Its just words are never caught

Look at the bird,
see how it flies.
A hunter sees it too,
so it dies.
Grace and beauty in my life,
it flees.
My life is torture,
meant for misery.
Peace in the darkness,
blinded by light.
Lost my dreams to live,
and my will to fight.
Feeling ignored,
by the ones I love.
Given up wishing,
on the stars above.
My mind to dark,
and left for dead.
A dark abyss,
in my head.
Emotions out like a switch,
and I don’t know what to do.
Cant fix a thing,
cant stop thinking about you.
Nothing to write about,
but how I feel.
This darkness once locked up,
but broken is the seal.
I’m a broken mess,
both mind and soul.
A painted on smile,
its taking its tole.
Forgotten is the face,
under this mask.
To remove it,
is a difficult task.
Look at the bird,
once free in the sky.
Then look at me,
and then you’ll know why.

I seem to be in depression,
negetive thoughts are an obsession.
Trying hard yo get away,
but I hate everyday.
With one person do I feel joy,
but I don’t want to burden this boy.
With him my worries disappear,
and my demons I do not hear.
Not even my mom can understand,
that my heart is growing bland.
I don’t want to trouble anyone,
sometimes I wish my life was done.
Sitting here as every thought,
seems to hide and haunt.
Wishing life was just a dream,
wishing someone could hear my screams.
But I shouldn’t call for help at all,
so I’ll just hold in this call.
My life rumbling,
so I begin crumbling.

Stuck in a cage
Feeling forever in rage
Its like I wear a collar
It grows ever so smaller
It chokes me and holds me
It won't leave me be
So many rules to follow and I can't get away
In this cage is where I must stay
Trying to ignore this troubling pain
Trying hard not to go insane
Hiding behind a fake smile
Hope I can keep it awhile
Silly things I can not do
And this is all because of you
I get to do so many things but I still don't feel free
All because with this cage and this collar you hold me

In the dim light
You demand a fight
"Draw your sword"
My enemy roared
I turn my back
A weapon I lack
Years pass on by
The world crumbles from his lies
I write what I see
Maybe one day I'll be free
Paper and pen
Again and again
Soon he'll be searching
I see the vultures perching
I hear him at my door
I can't hide any more
He draws his sword one last time
But I still lack mine
I pull out my pen that taught me so many lessons
Then I realize that has always been my weapon

Spring break,
I’m not sure how much I could take.
Not being by his side,
together I wish we could hide.
When I see him again I’ll jump in his arms,
and gaze into his smile that charms.