I seem to be in depression,
negetive thoughts are an obsession.
Trying hard yo get away,
but I hate everyday.
With one person do I feel joy,
but I don’t want to burden this boy.
With him my worries disappear,
and my demons I do not hear.
Not even my mom can understand,
that my heart is growing bland.
I don’t want to trouble anyone,
sometimes I wish my life was done.
Sitting here as every thought,
seems to hide and haunt.
Wishing life was just a dream,
wishing someone could hear my screams.
But I shouldn’t call for help at all,
so I’ll just hold in this call.
My life rumbling,
so I begin crumbling.

I can’t fall asleep tonight,
wanting to feel your arms squeeze me tight.
Picturing you in my mind,
hearing your voice so kind.
The cold sends a shiver down my spine,
wishing our hands could intertwine.
Wishing to feel your body heat,
and listen to your heart beat.
I gaze at the stars,
wishing to be where you are.
Tucked away in your arms,
safe from all harm.
Wishing wishes so deep,
beside you I wish to sleep

Spring break,
I’m not sure how much I could take.
Not being by his side,
together I wish we could hide.
When I see him again I’ll jump in his arms,
and gaze into his smile that charms.

Anxiety attack.
These skills I lack.
Can’t find a way to get back.
No where to go.
The stuff I don’t know.
This darkness starting to grow.
Need a bit of luck.
My mind filled with muck.
Feeling like I’m forever stuck.
Trying to climb the ladder but the bars are broken.
These thoughts left unspoken.
I feel like I’m chokin’.
My soul is a shred.
This thoughts fill my head.
My emotions left for dead.

Look at the bird,
see how it flies.
A hunter sees it too,
so it dies.
Grace and beauty in my life,
it flees.
My life is torture,
meant for misery.
Peace in the darkness,
blinded by light.
Lost my dreams to live,
and my will to fight.
Feeling ignored,
by the ones I love.
Given up wishing,
on the stars above.
My mind to dark,
and left for dead.
A dark abyss,
in my head.
Emotions out like a switch,
and I don’t know what to do.
Cant fix a thing,
cant stop thinking about you.
Nothing to write about,
but how I feel.
This darkness once locked up,
but broken is the seal.
I’m a broken mess,
both mind and soul.
A painted on smile,
its taking its tole.
Forgotten is the face,
under this mask.
To remove it,
is a difficult task.
Look at the bird,
once free in the sky.
Then look at me,
and then you’ll know why.

Skipped out on morning walks
The time I planned to talk
Feeling more than depressed
Becouse I got more than obsessed
We talked through the phone today
Got tongue tied now knowing what to say
Questions and thoughts fill my head
Feeling like I’m hanging by a thread
Not enough bricks to build this wall
My hearts been bounced like a basketball
I clearly don’t make the cut
So I keep my mouth shut
My mind filled with doubt
Thinking about when we went out
To everything I’ve gone blind
He’s the only thing on my mind
My heart can’t stop asking “when?”
All I have left is paper and pen
To go through this is hard
My heart in shreds and shards
I count to three
But it still bothers me
Not sure how much I can take
Befire I finally break
I have to hold it in
It won’t stop once it begins
Starting to take a mental dive
As this feeling eats me alive
This feeling I must ignore
Throw away the key and lock the door
I must find a way to break free
Even though this is killing me

doctors shove pills down my throat
but I stay quiet, scared to rock the boat
saying there’s no way to fix me
so they end up breakin’ me
I’m fakin’ every part of me
hopin’ someone’ll see
and maybe set me free
tired of being watched with those beady eyes
and im so sick of hearing all the lies
they tell me not to cry
but I wanna curl up and die
tryna to get by
as I silently wonder why
im losing my sanity
to everyone’s vanity
and humanity
Im stuck in a dark place
and makeup covers my face
but I cry it all away
from the pain through the day
and I bottle it up inside
until I find a place to hide
i try to remember who lives beneath my mask
but instead I pull out a flask
cuz to remember is too hard of a task
and I try to ask
what happened to my life
as they hold their steely knife
telling me I’ll never be a wife
my dreams, they don’t matter
my mind full of clatter
as I hear everyone chatter
they Say i need to be thinner
so I skip my dinner
tryna be a winner
but feeling like a sinner
trying to fit this image that everyone wants
but I feel like a hollow ghost that haunts
cuz this being just cannot
So I’ve given it my best shot
I’ve given it all I got
but I’m given in
I know I can’t win
I cut up and down my arms
feeling peace in self harm
I really did try
but I must say goodbye
for soon I’ll die
and leave you wondering why
So I’ll grab a rope or knife
and without another world I’ll end my life