You've been here so long,
Now something has gone wrong.
You took me under your wing,
Now you cause so much suffering.
You used to have a heart of gold,
Now all I see is ice cold.
You scream and shout,
Now I can't block it out.
You throw things around,
Now crashing and banging is the only sound.
So many questions flow through my mind,
And answers I can't seem to find.
Why must you be so mad,
Even though youre supposed to be my dad.
Why after all I've gone through,
Must you continue to say "It's not me, It's you?"
Why after I lost trust in one father,
Must you make me start to lose another?
I want to feel safe in your arms,
But you've caused so much harm.
You were supposed to make me smile,
Not act so cruel and vile.
You were supposed to help me fly,
Not sad and scared and to cry.
You're supposed to stand by my side,
Now, I just want to hide.
To you I can't do anything right,
So it's hard to see the light.
Mom tries her best everyday,
But nothing seems to go her way.
Now I don't know,
Will you stay or go?
You may be tough,
But you're going through some stuff.
Wha you went through was scary,
And you changed after the military.
No matter what you go through,
Know the following is true:
There will be times both good and bad,
There will be times happy and sad,
And even though we both will get mad,
I will always love you and I'm glad,
That mom chose you to be my dad.

This is a story repeatedly told
And to be honest, its getting old
The story of my pain
And constantly feeling insane
I just want this book to close
And to escape life woes
But instead it turns page by page
As if each chapter is a cage
I grab an eraser to delete the past
But the memories flood back fast
Is instead I grab a pen to write some joy up ahead
But all the ink is dead
I slowly wait day by day
For it all to just fade away
I wish I could simply start anew
But that is something I could never do
I have done my best and tried
But I ended up wanting to hide
I hide behind a smile
And a certain choice in style
So I can remain behind these broken walls
Because I'd rather be fake than to fall

Time to say goodbye,
I just want to hide and die,
I'm done with the lies

Dear Brain,
Why do you fill my head with crazy thoughts,
Like the ones about pandas instead of cars in parking lots?
Why do you distract my sight from what I need to see,
To looking at a lizard on a tree?
Why do you control my mouth to talk nonstop,
Where I think my friends ears will pop?
Why do you make me listen to odd stuff,
Instead of what I need which makes life rough?
Please Brain, let me know,
What I need to do to make you go.
I want to control my self without ADHD,
But then I guess I wouldn't be me.
Dear Brain, I must ask,
Can you at least relax?
No, I guess thats ok,
At least you make me have fun everyday!

Not knowing why
But I always want to cry
With every breath
I crave my own death
I have no reason to feel this way
But my demons love to play
I have friends that I don’t deserve
I wish a positive thought I could preserve
I hide these feelings so well
But when alone tears start to swell
Faking a smile that never lasts
A girl with no future and no past
A girl with a broken family
A girl who just wants to be free
Wishing go to drown or hang
Because these thoughts my demons have sang
There is no meaning in this heart beating
So my life is ever fleeting
Living in constant heartbreak
Not sure if my life is just a mistake
Im walking through life with nowhere to go
But I’ll just say I’m going with the flow
Sometimes I think about self harm
So instead I scribble stars on my arms
Tgese thoughts creep in at night
But this battle is too hard to fight
Trying to run from my mind
But in this darkness I am blind
I wish someone would hear my plea
But I know no one will rescue a girl like me

I think about you day and night
But I try to stay out of sight
I try to forget you in I can
Because you broke my heart and ran
But I can’t get rid of these feelings for you
Its like the longer we were apart the more they grew
I thought I was over you but I guess I’m not
Its like these memories I hold you’ve forgot
I’ve tried to see different guys
But my heart was whispering lies
From you I can’t seem to move on
Even though our relationship is gone
I hate you for tearing me apart
But I love you because you still hold my heart
I can’t tell you how I feel inside
So from you I try to hide
Because I know you don’t feel the same
And I don’t want to feel the shame
Of you telling me I’m not your type and I’m dead weight
But I guess this is my fate
Sometimes I cannot sleep
Because memories are thoughts too deep
First love comes with first heartbreak
But around you a smile I will fake
You may think I’m trying to make you feel bad
But I’m just writing emotions of sad
A years gone by
But I still cry
These feelings just won’t go away
Maybe you could be mine once again someday