I'm afraid she wouldn't forgive me
Or she wouldn't understand
The pain within me
The reason I was not strong enough

I'm afraid I'd leave her lonely
Or with the feeling of abandonment
With unanswered questions
And an emptiness

I'm afraid that she would blame herself
Or feel she was not good enough
To be a light in judgement
Provide the strength to make me tough

I'm afraid she'd grow to hate me
And the choice I for months thought
With the feeling of regret
Because I could not make it out

Would she know of my insomnia
Or the torments of my dreams
The amount of pounds I lost
Because of days without a meal

Would she care that it was heavy?
Or just too much to bear
ALL the thoughts within my head
That I've failed her by being here

Would she be aware of how I was raised?
Without a single father figure
ALL the men I watched come and go
That it was all a part of my trigger

Would she know I could not prevent it?
Or so I might have believed
Even though I meant it
That another man would never bring me to my knees

Do you think she'd know of my past?
That at a young age I was intruded?
I worked for years on years
Just to bury and forget it

Do you think she'd know how tragic?
The will power it took to torch it?
My facade of neatness
To seal and disguise it

Do you think it's worth it?
To let my fear consume me?
Take away precious memories
From my dearest lovey

Do you think she is deserving?
To be stripped of a mother?
Of such an obnoxious scarring
Because she will never have another

Mark my words one and all
IT feels as thought it is worth it
But for you there is a call
And you must not neglect it

Being a mother is a task
And sometimes you wish to give up
Throw in the towel due to pain in your past
REMEMBER your child is joy overflowing, drink from their cup

So forget about the peace you'll inherit
Because there is no such luck
No matter how much it hurt
To take your own life will **** them up