I've been drinking a lot but I'm alright. Been thinking a lot about tonight and how it hangs over my head like clock pieces. This isn't one of those deep in thought pieces or even, "at least I thought," pieces.. I haven't thought about words in a while. Maybe just hers. They made me smile and absurd it may seem that from a night of 5 minutes comes 5 weeks of daydreams but it happens and I'm as surprised as you were. True words would have been nice then as they hurt now but I'm trying to get back to equilibrium best I can. The feeling of balance between joy and pain because I've been told I would get some of each but the it's more of the same and the former seems out of reach. Now, don't get it confused because I haven't had a bad life at all now, just enough of the bad thoughts being my last thoughts and the fact that I couldn't seem to write them all down or write at all now with just a ***** week I thought I might seek some solace in words I'll try and type and see them all come out now. A 3:47 AM rant, when anything happening in that early of the AM can't be too coherent, I stumble through editing in hollow hopes you'll ever hear this. I've never been the type to make myself stand out or feel distinguished but know that with the right words now, I really do mean this.
I'm getting asked a lot more often as I enter my mid 20s, "What do you want to be?" And I always think, with a question like that to a guy like me, what are you expecting my answer to be? Some long winded rant where I want to change the world or eliminate poverty and be the leader when all this occurs? All noble causes but with each time asked, I'm finding I'm giving longer pauses because there's something bigger and better first. If I'm going to start this change, my heart should be coming first so if you ask me what I want to be, my only answer is:
Hers.
Honestly, a long winded-never-lifting-pen-from-paper rant that I cleaned up to get here.