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Rubi Jan 2021
As if a dream
I live in this false reality
I have created in my mind
In attempt to escape your prowling eyes
and the disease
of the earth
called humans

I keep in my own little world
a complex, and delicately woven reality,
strung between the insides of my skull
Where i spend my time
bidding, until it's safe to exist outside.
Rubi Jan 2021
A light powdering of snow
White contrasting with the black
Skeletons of the trees against the hill
A untouched field of snow
No footprints or sign of life
Just me
Laying on the powdery snow
Cold against skin
Bare flesh
Reddened
Biting
Stinging
Cold
My chest feels heavy
The rush of the moment
Adrenaline fueled brain
Time seeming to slow
As my breath comes out in shallow puffs
Mist fills the air around me
Hot breath
Against cold air
Clashing
Contrasting
The warm on my cheeks and lips from my scarlet blood
The warm leaking from my eyes
Running down my face
Tears warm on chilled skin
Sweat beading on my palms
My hands sticky with red
Warm
Tingling
Shaking
Pulling the blade out
Standing
Scared
Terror coursing through my veins
And yet
Fearless
Hot
Energized
I run
I can catch him
I can fight
I haven’t lost yet
They surround me
Laughing,
Grinning
Evil smiles
Sadistic
Powerful blows
One after another
Metal comes in contact with flesh, muscle, bone
Snap
Broken
Bruised
Pain
I fall
A whoosh
Metal and silvery
Baseball bat flying at my face,
My eyes widen and shut just
At the last moment
My chest explodes
With hot breath
A scream
As the dark comes and hits me
Spikes of pain
Shooting up my side
All over
Pain
Pain
Pain
I feel sick
It's overwhelming
My head spins
Gut wrenching
On my knees
I cough
And blood splatters onto the snow
The cold
White
Pure
Untouched snow
Of the football field around me
Accented with red and black
Contrasting
It's dark
It's so dark
It's cold
The warm seeping out of my body
Out of my nose and chest and eyes
Evaporating
Into the cold around me
Pressing
Stinging
I lay on my back
In the dark
In the cold
Relishing every breath
Replaying every moment
My mind spins and spins and
The exhilaration
I grin wildly
I laugh
They’re already gone
They’ve been gone
When I first felt the spikes of pain
From the silvery blade in my side
From the blood and bruises
And the broken bones
Crushed fingers under shoes
And broken nose
Arms broken by a baseball bat
Rib cracked
Steel-toed boots..
The rush the pain the warm the cold
The contrast
It was fast
It was painful
Blood and sweat
And fear
The most I’ve felt in forever.

I grin their evil grin.

I loved it.
Rubi Jan 2021
I think of the days I held you and the
Days that you were close
I think of them time to time,
I think of you the most.
My lost desert rose,
My fallen sunflower
With your face that once turned towards the sun
Thinking of better days than these.

Thinking of the times we laid in that field
With the light in our eyes
The lit grey sky
And the cool grass against my skin
Now the crumbled towers
And many souls left this life and
Leave the world to just us,
The last two people on earth
But still apart till the end of time.

The world I live in
In my mind's own creation,
There are flowers and life
And loneliness
But peace nevertheless.
The world that I speak of
One where I want to live
Where I don't have to deal with anyone
Where I can do anything.
I’m my own greatest achievement,
I'm my own superhero.
I’m everything I’ll ever need,
But I'll still be missing him.
Rubi Jan 2021
The sunset I watch alone,
from the roof of an abandoned building
The sky is painted with many different hues,
Bright red, crimson and scarlet
Orange like a bonfire’s flame
Yellow like sunflowers on a summer day
The horizon is brightly lit
But the darkening sky above it is deep navy blue
And violet with a hint of pink
And the grey and white clouds
Stand out against the mural of colours.

The sky is like a canvas,
colourful and yet empty
open space I look up into
wondering where it starts,
and where it ends
Wondering when I will be able to visit
that land above the clouds
hoping for a dream to visit me
In my final hours
Rubi Jan 2021
The water drops run down my face,
Into my hands as I watch the sky fall
Magnificent towers once stood
Now those tall guardians lay crumbled,
Whispers of the past

Vines creep up the side and over buildings, covering them like
A bright green blanket of intertwined leaves and stems
All vehicles are gone,
And not a person in sight,
Only me and the one I want to be with
The last two people on earth

Happy with no one to interrupt
Our serene peace and
Time spent together feels like eternity.
The burning in my chest makes my heart hurt but
I continue to long for the embrace
Rubi Jan 2021
Yellow
Like the walls of the chemistry lab
Like the wood of the cabinets,
The floor,
The legs of the tables
And the bricks
Of the school building, in the courtyard
Out the window
Like buttercups in the spring by sides of roads and
Like my mother’s yellow dress at the beach
Like daffodils at the supermarket
Like gold chains and figures of jesus
Like sunflowers along the road
And the flash of light off a koi’s scaly tail

Like the light in children's eyes
Like the moment of the last goodbye
Like the last thing you ever see
Like the last time you thought of me.
Rubi Jan 2021
Red signs
Red flags
Red doors and red cars lined up
Red hair, that's barely red
A red mug of cold tea
Red and black pants
Of a boy who never speaks
Red streaks in her hair
And red lines on his wrist
Red bricks
Of the buildings on market street
As to not catch fire as easily.
Red like a furnace, a fireplace, like glowing embers
Like stop signs and fire trucks

Fire alarms
And blood
That I imagine pooling from my arm
Onto everything
One continuous wave of red
Swallowing everything
Covering my clothes, my skin
The floor, the table, my hands
A stream of scarlet flowing from my nose,
A sharp pain growing from the spot I was hit
With a red gatorball
In gym class
Three years ago

You with your red eyes and
****** noses
that powder and those colds
red nails you trailed across my skin
blood beading up under a needle
you stuck in me
a piercing pain
a throbbing pain
growing from the rubbed raw spot on my skin
where you touch me too many times

I have all but forgotten you
with your shifting eyes
and silver tongue
telling a million lies
attempting to find a truth.
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