What good am I
if I can't help the ones I love?
I can't stop the anger
or the violence
I can't stop her demons
from destroying her mind
I can't help as much as I want to
And trust me
I want to
All I can do is pretend the bad things aren't happening
tune them out like I've done
so many times before
I want to help
but I'm just helpless

I don't want to talk to him
stop forcing me to tell him words
he doesn't deserve a sound out of me
don't you remember the words he spoke to me?
the things he said
Oh yes, of course
If we don't talk about it,
it didn't happen.
I don't want to talk to him.
And he's talked enough to me.

I was okay for so long
I should've known it would go wrong

I take a stand-in my head
I plan out words I should've said
I wish I could stand up to you
but I stay silent and accept what isn't true
I believe the things you say about me
they cloud my eyes until it's all I see
One day I'll stand up tall
and scream until I finally fall
but it won't be because of you
it will be in spite of you

This spiral im in,
Each wave that comes,
I just need to wait
For the meds—
To make me numb.

when somethings too good to be true
I stand still and think
is this real

seeing for the ones with doubt
is believing
believing for the ones with faith
is seeing

And I'm cold in my bed
Tired
Pillow covered in tears because that's where they're used to falling
And I just want to be loved

And I know I am by my friends
And my family
But I want to be stuck in someone's head
And I want them to rub my arm and make me a little bit less cold
And maybe have my tears land on their shoulder instead

I want to be the poem and not the poet for once

I would climb mountains
Hijack cars
Walk 26 days
And almost die
If that meant I could hug you
Even one time