No one can ever save us on time

No charges have been pressed against me; was simply informed by the trooper that I will eventually (who knows when eventually even happens?) receive a summons to face a judge in the mail.

Seriously
Things aren't that horrible at the moment and the world hasn't exactly ended, yet...but I got so worked up today and now I have to get a lawyer and have him or her talk to my parents because there's seriously no point at all in attempting and honest and/or open conversation with these people; they just don't know how to do it because I guess everything was so much different for their generation growing up and everything

Only god can help me now and forever, probably
Every time I put all my faith into myself I lose faith in basically everything, especially myself

I obviously wish I always was a good person, who did good things and make great decisions but that's just not the case, even though I want it to be. Sorry. I'm being so redundant again...I guess this is just one of my many defense-mechanisms.
Things when from pretty good to pretty bad pretty **** fast today; it all started with an argument with my little sister...I don't see her much and we just clash negatively these days. So much crap in my head.

Whether we do good or bad, we always have to be ourselves, which is bad when we're bad and good when we're good and I'm not just saying so to be simple-hearted or coy or whatever; it really is that simple. I almost just got thrown back into the hospital but chose to have my parents and siblings just press legal charges against me this time; the trooper said there's not enough hard-evidence to drag me in but did end up writing a citation against me for harassment. This really is a crazy country but I love it.

I am so tired
I should just take one of my giant pills that my doctor prescribed
They just tranqulize me, which is good...because I seriously hate being awake so much sometimes
I can't even figure out how to spell the word tranqulize right now and refuse to look it up because I seriously do not even care at all
I just wish life was always a bit happier and that good people didn't die young and leave you all alone for the rest of your life
I like to daydream and fantasize that Taylor Swift would love me but she probably would not even care much about me or my life
I'm so stupid
Just wanna sleep or something, even though it isn't even dark out
Summer is my favorite season and I've been waiting forever for it but I don't even care right now
I'm always alone
My heart is black
I will always be alone in a cold cave of sad desperation and total insanity and no one will ever reach out to me and really care and I won't care, either
No one can love me because I'm a beast and beauty isn't real

You know what I mean
Keyz to my heart

What is someone as smart, wise, beautiful and talented as Taylor Swift actually had a crush on me?
I seriously would just play it cool and not blow it, everyone
I just would wanna be whatever her ideal is

I feel like watching the movie Valentine's Day
Even though it has Ashton Koochair
Because the real Taylor Swift is in the movie
I wish she cared about me enough

Her boyfriend
He don't know that I'm her girlfriend
I'm a 33 year old male lesbian
Who licks her sweet crevacis all night long
Me so *****!
Yes!
Me love you long times!!!!!

Sometimes it can be so good
Other times so wrong
When it comes to good I wish it would
Be extra good so long
Me love you long time
Me so *****!!!!!!

Sometimes people who act like they love me actually hate me but that's fine because I sometimes act like I hate myself, even though I actually love myself, a lot. Love myself more than you...that's for **** sure. I'd punch you square in the jaw if I ever saw you in public because I need to prove to my dad that I am finally strong enough to stand up for myself and attack innocent strangers in public with my fists cuz I don't want all the hot babes out there in the world to see me stand down from a fight.
I wish this was a picture website like Instagram or something so I could post some selfies; I want everyone here to see how hot I am in real life.

Every time I ever did something that may or may not have seemed good to other people is actually not my fault at all; I blame Gordon Geko because it was his idea to always be a bad influence on me and never just letting me do my own thing and be myself.

I wish the real Taylor Swift wood fall in love with me and we could get married; she would honestly probably like me and fall head-over-heels in love if she actually took the time to become aware of my existence and actually wanted to get to know the real me.

I love me sum gamez oh fur there on facebook...I don't even chat with my only friend on there that often cuz what's there to even say to anyone these days? Nothing ever pans out or whatever. Maybe I'm just being too cynical...which I blame on Gordon Geko if I am...because it was seriously his idea to trick all those people into making us rich and them poor. Not my decision at all...I'm just a regular guy named Bud...Bud Fox...**** you can just call me Budd...cuz Mr. Fox was my daddy's name

What was I thinking about just now?
Oh yeah...I was smoking some bogies, out on my front porch (out there in the beautiful sunshine of this summer day (is it even really summer yet or still just spring? Am I seriously within the parrenthses of a parenthense right now? I seriously don't know how to spell the word parrenthesis? What hell!) here in God's state of PA) and realizing that Snake Mania is the funnest game I ever played on Facebook probably.
I only have one friend on FB and that's my boy, MPow...he lives out in Vegas...and he's the only purse son left on the web that I trust at all.

Gordon Geko just called me from his beach phone, collect, which doesn't even make much sense to me because he is so much richer than I am. My phone bill is going to be so expensive this month. The year is nineteen eighty five and my name is Bud Fox.

I just took half a puff of **** and it's got me thinking and/or feeling like I might have real thoughts and emotions which pertain to other people but it can't be real cuz drugz are bad!!!!
Ain't that what they always taught us?
Ain't that what we always learned and/or believed?
Psh...it's all a bunch of smoke hand mere hers @ sea end hove sea day, ma knee gears

Am I waiting for an explosion?
Has that been the point all along?
No, man...probably not
I don't know
I don't know what I want
Just what I like and even that is only a half truth
The whole truth is that I have always known what I like and/or want in life
But just have not always been able to get it for whatever reason
Life is full of reasons and variables
It's all about algebra at the end of the day, my frendz
Algebra is all about bringing the pieces together and understanding it all based on what you do not yet know

I haven't even been around the block yet
She haz
That's the differ ants between me and Dare All Hanna
Hanna means grace...basically
My name is seriously budd fox
**** know...I am not reel late tad to Char Lee She nnnnnnn hahahaha

wHAT am eye **** an endless ocean of dreamzzzz?

I don’t want to go back to my old life because I am so sick of it. Sick of it being so old and dying. Why won’t it ever be young and fresh and lively? That’s the way I want it to be or feel, even though I don’t always act like I care. I do care, so much, even though it seems like I don’t.
It is not my job to feel lonely
Is this the office of Bill Bates? Does anyone else know who that is? Ever heard of him? I have? I mean...eye halve ;-)

People act like I'm too greedy and/or evil just because I stole so much money from innocent people when I worked on Wallstreet but I blame Gordon Geko because everything was his idea; I simply wanted to impress my dad by making more money than him and all the other ancestors.

You got it backwards if you think I owe you something
I have to take my poemz seriously or no one else will
Just like my life
I have everything except for true romance and I just have to accept that
I always wanted to fall in love with some beautiful and smart, amazing woman, who actually liked me for who I am and everything **** *** just never happened
Not for me, bra

I am so sick of Gordon Geko acting like I don’t even matter in the financial community; I need him to respect me or I’ll never have enough money to finally impress my dad enough into realizing that I am not a mistake!

I just need Gordon Geko to finally realize I exist and acknowledge me within the financial community or I won't ever have enough money to finally impress my dad
It is true that people, including my dad, have informed me that money isn't all that matters but I don't trust people (not even myself) and don't really believe and/or care about the things that they say to me
AT the end of the day...one things matters...and that's money!

It's a serious question...I just published a poem and quickly realized that I had accidentally said a swear-word, so I quickly hit the edit button and censored myself cuz I don't wanna get kicked off here...just like I get kicked off everywhere
I was suspended from Twitter for life, even though I'm a really good purse son, who loves people and actually carez
I should just hang myself cuz the people who own and operate twitter hate my gutzzzzzz

My stomach burns
I have a bit of indigestion and it's making me feel like I should just buy a gun from Walmart and blow my **** brains out or something
I am so sick of life and all these minor discomforts that we all have to experience together
I'm so sick of it
My stomach burnzzzzzz, mama!

Eye knead to give my friend Joseph a call or I will die
He is my AA sponsor and is quickly becoming one of my best frendz
He's a fifty-eight year old man
Smart as a whip!
I always thought eye might bee kinda smart but I'm only 33...so he is basically wiser...a mentor
I'm supposed to call him every night at nine-thirty, to check in...but i wanna call now.
It's not even nine-thirty yet?
What the heck!
I should just **** myself or something, even though no one wood even care and it would proof absolutely nut thing!!!!!!!

People who think my poemz are dumb are jerkz
Cuz they don't even no how smart eye ham hahahahahaha

I am bound to a wheelchair
Okay, that is a lie
But I do drive a Cadillac
It has a wheel and there's a chair I sit behind
It's a wheelchair
I win

I am insane for you, whoever you may be, baby
I'm all about gambling tonight
And every other night
Shaking and baking
It's what I gotta do
**** eye waz never faking
When I said that I love you
Whoever you may be, baby

Everything is probably my fault, so it's okay to blame me, like some sort of beautiful Amy who will not forgive me; even though she said she would or did or whatever.
I am so stupid.
I remind her of her father, even though I was hoping that I reminded her of her future husband or something.
Whatever.
Marriage is for gay people

This is for no one but me...and I will have anyone who is caught hacking any of my computers thrown directly into one of the jails for life. Part of me, on the inside, screams nearly endlessly in such a spectacular fashion; I just have to deal with it or I will die and everything...but not forever...because my spirit will simply depart from this vessel and I’ll probably take shape somewhere else in the universe. I have the final word and say and everything about my life and/or existence so I gotta make it really great or I’m a loser.
I don’t wanna be a loser; no one does...not even losers.
Why do I feel like screaming and who or what do I feel like screaming to or at?
Things are so crazy. I don’t even know what to do with my time. I have been here for so long. I hope things go from good or okay to amazing and happy. What do I have to worry about? What am I doing right or wrong? These are good questions. I don’t have all the answers. Sometimes I barely know what to do. Are things better or worse?
I make a lot of decisions...even if it doesn’t seem like I do.
This is the type of thing you’d wanna do with something like this. The statue on my desk rattles too much as I type. I don’t like it...like the statue...just not the way it rattles. The problem is solved because I just repositioned the statue in such a way that it no longer rattles against the wall.
All I care about is typing.

That’s really cool, man...so cool I can hardly believe it.
Have I been making too much noise or something?
Do I even have enough dignity or not? Am I even very dignified at all? What does dignity even mean? I seriously have no idea. I am trapped with the knowledge. I like pills a lot. I know how to do stuff, even though I don’t have any money, which ***** because I need money so I can buy stuff. I don’t know what to do about it. Sometimes things are just way beyond my control. Like what? Things I can’t grasp or see or get to or whatever. I already need another cigarette. Cigarrettes are good for the health.
The smallest things can really uspet me over time. I get really sick of things.
I am not doing anything wrong...which is the right way to do things.
I just went downstairs and made myself a spot of tea. I never did abandon my boy. I don’t wanna be a loser. I’m leaving you behind. **** like this is why I want to **** myself. I want to commit suicide because my car won’t start...even though I have been watching so many YouTube videos about it. Mechanics...it really is a tough business. I just need to keep my cool and have some faith that everything will work out okay. \I keep us together...whatever it takes.
She said if we’re
I need to get my car started or I’ll **** myself.
My car is still not running so I have to **** myself immediately.

It's a lovely day
To break my heart
Like some sort of beautiful Patricia
Turning away, just as I go to kiss ya
As though certain that I am ridiculous
& so certain you should be
I am living on a breeze & sunrays
I am living in memories of fun days
Like some sort of useless boy violet
I cut myself for you

Friday night is gone again
& I feel the way I used to then
Take my time to get to bed
Oh, I wish that you were here instead

Lies tonight and every other night
I live inside a memory
Maybe life was better then

Don't go
Oh, please stay
I didn't mean to not know what to say

Lies tonight and every other night

No life to speak of
As I sleep, wake
Breathe
Turn into wall
See, believe
Dream
Break
Crushed into dust
Float
Sail into you
Faith, trust
I'm lost in your voice

Who am I to define even the smallest part of you
When all I do is break myself down
Second guess my heart and mind
Analyze my own every thought and action
The stupid simplicity of it is I don't know you
But want to

Don't wait for me
In broken dreams
Of dying stars
With crying eyes
You will never wake

So void of feeling
Maybe I should go for a drive
Yes, you know me
& you know that I am not alive
I am machine dream overload

This is the worst morning of my life
Though, I have said so before
Everything is terrible
I'm so terribly bored and I hate the way everything feels
Wish I had some ****
Coffee and cigarettes just aren't cutting it
What's it?
Stress
I would leap from a bridge to end it all
But am I not already falling?
Question is, when will I hit the bottom?

I was young and sweet once
I had love all around and a warmth inside

Now I'm just another sociopath
Just another psychopath
A victim of poverty
Just another dried out *****
A victim of society

I'll step on you
To get what I need
I'll crush your dreams and bones
To get what I want
I'll crush your hope and throat..
Because I'm just another ugly..
Deranged..
Over-sexed flesh machine

I have a dying heart
And a head full of crossed wires
And my fears won't stop bleeding through my skin

Kevin, you're a curse
You chew through everything
You gnaw on life like a rat
You're so skinny but fat
You're so skinny but fat
You're so skinny but fat!

I know, I'm a ******* monster
I can never get out from under the bed
I know, I'm rat-like monster
I chew on your fears and gnaw on your love!
Trust me, I know, I'm a F@#%ing monster
And I'll never get what I want
If I never get out from under the bed

Kevin, you're a curse
Is there nothing you won't chew through?
Is there nothing in life you won't gnaw on?
You RAT!
You're so skinny but fat
You're so skinny but fat
You're so skinny but fat!

You're all skin and bones..
But your addictions are so fat!!!

The empire's on fire
The dream is burning with the sun
You pigs
Choke on greed
Suffocate
Die!


(You're so moody
So moody all the time
It's hard to keep you mine
*****)

The people laugh and cheer
They all wear their ***** work on their ***** sleeves
They raise their ***** working hands to salute you
They unwittingly support your ***** schemes
You smile and wave
As you put to death their ***** working-class dreams

(You're so moody
So moody in your eyes
It's hard to keep you mine
*****!)

The empire's on fire
The American dream is burning with stars
No one seems to know
People eat what they're fed
No matter how foul the ******* might taste

You pigs
I hope you choke on your greed
Suffocate!
Die!!

(You're so moody
I can see the sickness seeping from your throne
So moody all the time
*****
I can see the poison bleeding from your crown
*****!)

To our Lord and Savior
It’s with great sadness that I bid you farewell
I’m so sick of these monkeys
Preaching heaven and hell
To other monkeys under their spell
hahaha
& I’m so tired of crusaders
Tramping around, just to plant a cross in blood

Life is so heavy
But be mindful not to drop it
Love is some despicable balloon
Yet be ever so mindful not to pop it
Just let it float up to the moon
Goodbye and goodbye
You despicable buffoon
Dinner is ready
Always
Oh, yay
Wait, it's never too late
To have to put more groceries away
Honor thy redundant processes of routine!

Everyone's got a little machine inside
Tells them to pray
Everyone's got a little monkey inside
Tells them to play
But I've got a little birdy inside
Tells me to fly away
I said I got a little birdy inside
But they loved him on his deathbed, you know
They fed him with the truth
& everyone is so sick and tired of Mondays!
Everyone's so sick and tired of Mondays!

Godzilla come in
Godzilla come
Godzilla come in
Godzilla, I wish you were real
Godzilla come in
Godzilla come
Godzilla, I wish you were here

Lies, lies, lies
Lies
I'm no better than your mother's lies
& you can cry
Cry, cry, cry
You're as bitter as your mother's eyes
But now she's back
& I missed her
Something went wrong
I thought I would forget her
But lies, lies, lies