You can do it!
I'm such a failure
You're so beautiful!
I'm  really ugly
You're strong!
I'm weak
You're smart!
I'm dumb
You're so cool!
I'm such a loser
You're smiling
I'm dying

The words i tell myself
Are not what I truley believe

Don't hate him
as he holds you by your throat
Don't hate him
as he cusses out my sisters
Don't hate him
as he calls me a worthless *******
Don't hate him
as he doesn't let me do my homework and I get an F on it
Don't hate him
as he makes you pay for everything
Don't hate him
as my sister lays in bed crying
Don't hate him
as he brain washes you and takes your strength away
Don't hate him
as he makes me loose respect for you
Don't hate him
as the house is dead silent because we can't make a sound
Don't hate him
as he bullies me for everything
Don't hate him
as he brings everybody down
Don't hate him
as I give him yet another chance
Don't hate him
as he makes me start to hate you
Don't hate him
as he takes you away
Don't hate him
*as I wish I wouldn't live another day

I put my head phones in
I turn the music on
I let the same tunes play everyday
I let them calm my mind
I let them calm my heart
I let them seprate me from the world

I  turn the volume up
I turn the world down
I let the music play loudly
I let the music speak soundly

Music lets me slip away
Music lets me live a brighter day
Music lets me Find peace

Music moves through every part of me
I let music run in my mind
I let music run in my heart
I let music touch my deepest thoughts
I let music reach my inner core
I let music reach the deepest darkest parts of my soul

Music brings me happiness and light
Music is my souls true delight

A house with a husband who loves me so
Little children who smile bright
Cats by the fireplace
Happiness surrounding us
Meaning that I finally won the fight
A career that I want
Dreams coming true
But will I make it all the way through?
Will I get to this point in time
Or will I get fed up with everything and lay down to die?
Will I continue this Hell and hope to reach heaven?
I really hope that I do
I want that future to become true

When I was young I was a christian,I was happy and cute
When I went to elementary I got bullied a lot in k1-2 grade I didnt care
Then I switched schools the bullies got worse
Then i switched schools again
And again
And again
Then I ended up in a middle school
The bullying stopped
Then I met a boy..
This boy changed me
He beat me, he taunted me, he said he loved me and he even ***** me...
I found self harm
I found booz
Then I met a man..
We didn't know it but we loved each other and still do
He's courageous
He's strong
He's moving he's kind
But we didn't date in all the years we've known each other
Then I switched schools again
****** harassment,being hit,being bullied , called ugly, getting played
I found a group of nerds that I get along with but it doesn't help
Then I found ***
Then i found miscarriage
Then I started dating the man I have loved and still do love
I finally found happiness
I also found a lesson
Nothing worth fighting for is easy
Nothing easy is worth fighting for
My relationship with the man is rocky
Its hard but it's worth fighting for
I've come far in life with my pain and sorrow
But with love I know that I will see tomorrow

Nelson

In school I'm a shadow on the wall
Noticed by few and almost hated by all
As I walk through the halls there is almost never a second glance
And the people who glance never give my heart or personality a chance
Yes I have scars where my wrist have bled
But those are emotional marks for the lovers who fled
But all of this pain has disappeared
For a person's heart has appeared
He's been there for me for years
Helping me wipe away all my tears
He's helped me chase away my fears
I've given him my heart and I pray for the better
With him I feel like we'll last forever
I know he won't hit me or break me like the rest
Because the man who has my heart is by far the best

Looking at the blade for the first time in forever
My heart just shattered but doesn't even matter
You told me you loved me then walked out the door
I'm gonna pick it up for the first time in forever
I'm going to continue a bad habit
I'm going to cut

I have been beaten by people who told me they love me
I have been cut my words and by blades
I have been harmed by hands of people I care about
I have been killed emotionally over and over again
That's why I'm scared
I'm scared that you only say you love me
I'm afraid you will leave
I'll never find anybody like you
I know it's true
For once I'm a person not a toy
It's beyond strange to feel safe in somebody's arms
I trust you which is scary because I trust no one
I'm fragile and you know it
My heart is racing one thousand miles a second
I love you and I'm scared of losing you
The thought is horrifying
I feel like you'll never hurt me
But I can't know for sure
I have felt a lot of pain
I have fought so many battles
I have tackled being beaten
I have survived being *****
I am learning to handle my emotions
You know my secrets
You know what I've been through
Someway, Somehow you still prove that your love is true
If you ever leave
It may as well be the death of me
I'm so scared of messing up
I don't know what to do
I feel like I'm mean
I don't like to cry in front of you
You know how to hold me up
You know how to show me you're there
Nothing in my life has ever been this good
Nothing for me has ever been fair
You are so different
You're beyond compare

You have a beautiful mind
You're able to use it all the time
You're good at keeping me on my toes
You're good at making me wonder
You're good at making me ponder
You're good at making me curious
You're a puzzle and you're mysterious

You make it hard to read you
You make it easy to want  you
You make it hard to guess what's on your mind

But that's what's beautiful about your mind
You're a puzzle and you keep me interested all of the time

I'm trying hard
I feel stuck
How many hours does it take to obtain knowledge?
My nose is in my books and my hand is writing every free second
So why am I stuck?
Has my brain shut down after the honor roll?
Or am I allowing my life interfere with my studies?
I don't know but something has to change
ACT is next week and the stress is destroying me
School, drivers ed, work, guitar, homework then bed
Oh my God my poor **** head
On top of the fullest of schedules my family is highly dysfunctional
I feel as though I won't make it to 12th grade
Is the adult life going to be this stressful?
I just paid two bills
I received my tax return
Growing up too **** fast
What else is there that I need to learn?
I cook I clean
I pretty much do everything
What the heck else is left for me?
My brain is on overdrive

I felt anxiety walking up to the doors
I wanted to cry when i saw the familiar faces
Faces of the people who break me down
Faces of the people who don't care about me
Faces of people who hurt me emotionally
Faces of people who make me cry
Walking up to the doors i felt anger
I felt the stress
I felt the frustration
I felt the feelings that were inevitable
Walking up to that place i realised ill be lonly
My closest friend has a girlfriend
And she tries to make him ignore me
All my friends have found love
And im the one alone
The depression i get from that place is the ruler
While im the throne

I love him
I made him angry
I'm saying all the wrong things
I'm praying its a dream

I'm sorry I'm a **** up
I'm sorry i can't see you
I'm sorry if all my emotions annoy you

Baby i need you
I want you
I love you all of this is true

Right now i feel as if I'm losing you
You the person I love I'm scared you're gonna be gone
Im scared you're gonna leave me
Honey listen please

I know I'm not perfect
I know my flaws
I know I have problems
Im sitting here clenching my jaws

I feel the tension between us
I know you feel it too
******* it I'm a **** up
All I want is you

Honestly this poem isn't flowing smoothly at all
But I'm falling and falling fast along with falling hard

I need you Nelson Antone Hall
Without you my life means nothing at all

With every heavy wave I crash
Every wave contains pain
The high tides of my life drown me and drag me down to the fathoms below
A father who betrayed my mother and left
An ex who took things too far
Being beaten by people I had faith in
Being backstabbed by people I trusted
I'm fifteen and this is my life so far
Pain,loss,depression and sin
But somehow my beauty lies within
The waves get bigger but I still tread water
I'm still able to keep my head above
The taste of the salt water in my mouth makes me thirsty for something clean
I don't want this pain and sorrow anymore
I want to be set free
I want to be able to stand on the dry sand and look at the beauty of the sea
For beauty grows from pain
And pain my beauty may be
The suffering waves from my past
Have created this beautiful me
I am like the pearl that stays in the darkness
Until she is beautiful enough to Be set free and see the light
And thanks to the the darkness the future seems bright
I'm no longer drowning
I'm no longer holding my breath
I no longer need to tread the water
And I no longer wish for my death

I didn't expect this
A random surprise
A rose was given to me
It made me so happy I could cry
My favorite part is that the rose is from my sister
She's made me realize I don't need a mister
I have my family
I have my friends
This rose symbolizes that I'll never be alone
I'll always have my sister until the very end

Anger built up inside me
Guilt is there as well
Sadness is consuming
Tears starting to swell
Regret is flowing through me
Deep inside I feel
Ive pricked my finger on the needle
Of my hatreds spinning wheel

Sick to my stomach
Feeling like I can barley breathe
Im gasping for air as I fall to my knees
Im trapped inside my head
All my insecurities surrounding me
Making me second guess myself as if I was crazy
If I could get rid of all my doubts I would
If I could erase the insecurities I would
If I could look into a mirror and tell myself Im as beautiful as you say I am
Trust me I would
I can't find a way out of this
Im full of pain from past experiences
With each heartbreak I fall further into my insecurities
Forgive me for doubting myself
Forgive me for fearing
I need to get out of my head
However my pain is just too consuming

You don't care about what you say to me
You don't care about how you make me feel
You don't care that I cry because your words cut deeper than any knife
You don't care if you offend
You womt care until my end
You tell me you love me
You don't care what you say to me
You don't notice how I feel
You don't see me crying right by your side
You assume I'm a ****
You assume I'm not careful
You assume that I'll act nasty in front of people
You're my mother how could you say this?
I know that you love me you have raised me and cared for me
But you really don't care about what you say to me
I sacrifice a lot for you
You don't realise it but it's true
I asked to go bowling
You said I'll get arrested
What the hell mom? Assuming I'll make out in public?
That **** is offensive and you know it too
You just don't care about how I feel even though I care a lot about you

The boy who cried wolf was not believed

All the townsfolk thought the boy was a tease

In reality his mind was diseased

The boy thought the townsfolks' eyes were deceived because they couldn't see the wolf

Indeed the wolf was there but indeed the wolf was not

The wolf was the deepest part of the boys sorrow

The boy cried wolf because the wolf was everywhere

The townsfolk thought the boy was insane because they couldn't see the wolf

The wolf is the boy's pain
The wolf is the boy's darkness

The boy is crying wolf
The townsfolk don't care

They don't see the wolf anywhere

The boy doesn't cry wolf anymore
The wolf devoured him after tearing him to shreds

To the townsfolk eyes being deceiving
couldnt save the boy from the wolf
Because they believed seeing Is believeing

Crying in front of my best friend
Pushing his comfort away
He doesn't know what to do
All he knows is that my sky is grey
He tries to cheer me up by making me laugh
I will be forever thankful for that
But what's a guy to do
When his besty's skies are blue?
Thomas you were there to help me through
You got me through the day
Thank you best friend
for caring about weather or not I'm okay

Everyday is the same
Same  people
Same fake laughs
Same fake smiles
Same conversations
Every single day
The stories never change
The thoughts never go away
I hate it here!
This place makes me want to die
I'm so frustrated and irritated that I'm going to break down and cry
Same arguments
Same clothes
Same faces
Same words
All the repetitiveness is getting to me
Is today yesterday?
Is today today?
Is today tomorrow?
I don't know and if I did it doesn't matter
Because today is the same as it was yesterday
Today is the same as it will be tomorrow
I need something new
I need to be happy
I need a new conversation
I need exciting.....

You were only 5 years of age
God has taken you and has filled our hearts with sadness and rage
You were pure and sweet
The brain infection was very discreet
Everybody thought you were well
Until the night of October 31,2015
When you fell
You went to bed and never woke up
Now all of us are very choked up
You are in Heaven now and we all wish you well
I'm sorry A.J Conley
All of us wish we didn't have to bid you farewell

Sitting in an empty room
Letting the loneliness consume me
Letting the thougts flow through my mind

I haven't seen his face in days
I miss the sweet things that he says
I miss his smile
I miss his laugh

I'm afraid because of my scars from the past
Afraid he'll forget about me
Afraid he'll love another
Afraid he'll hate me
Afraid he'll call me names

I know he's not like that
To hell with my past
I'm writing a new book
The writing starts now
I shall turn my frown upside down

I won't be self conciois
I won't be untrusting
I won't let my past permanently scar me
He's different I know it
And I am new
I'm recreating myself
So dear past,
To hell with you

Thinking about that night
My child hood left behind
You took it from me
You stole a part of me
I told you no
Still you didn't let go
You didn't get off
You just forced me down
While you're on top
You didn't care as I layed there and wailed
I still have nightmares
I still have thoughts
It was almost two years ago
Still the memory doesnt fade
I don't know what was more scarring
The fact that you did that
Or the fact that I was in love with you
I dated you for half a year
We were still together
I thought you loved me
But you couldn't handle no
Whenever I hear your name
I panic
Whenever I see somebody who looks like you
I cry
I can't do this
What you did to me hurt me
Still you didn't  care
I told you no
Still you didn't let go
You didn't get off
You just forced me down
While you're on top

I always ask people are you okay?
Even when I know they are
I always apologize even when I know I've done nothing wrong
When somebody asks me if I'm alright
I always say I'm fine
I ask people if they're okay because i need someone to see that I'm not
I apologize all the time because I alway believe I'm at fault
I say I'm fine all the time because i need somebody to say "I know you're not"
I care about everybody all the time
But it feels like my feelings are forgotten a lot

You came to my house last night to make me smile
You made me smile today
Your green-blue eyes looking into mine
Make my heart shine
Your smile is adorable
Your cheeks get red easily
You kiss me until it hurts
But it's a hurt that feels amazing
I'm falling for you and im falling hard
My heart is no longer in a million little shards

I have something on my mind
But I'm leaving it behind
I need you to talk your problems out
So I'm leaving my thoughts behind
It doesn't bother me please I don't mind
You never get your thoughts out
Please let your thoughts sore
I'm proud of you for opening up
Please never shut up
I love you im happy that you're talking to me
I'm glad you're finally opening up to me
I love the sound of your voice
You're reading lyrics and my heart is melting
God *** you're so amazing
Kiss me everyday
Never ever send me away
Keep me inside your loves embrace
And save me with your never ending grace

Everybody crying in the lonely hallway
Couples cuddling making you feel alone
Gossip going around like the plague
Surrounded by people but feeling a lack of friends
I put in ear buds because the silence is enough to drive me mad
In a building full of stress, hormones,hatred, and fear
All of us are stuck here for four horrible years
I'm in year three and it's getting the better of me
Highschool is a beast
A monster
Something I can not beat
These years are Hell
This year has been worse than the rest

I gave you what you wanted
And now you're losing interest
I should have known
I did know better
But the second I looked into your eyes
How could I possibly resist?

I got called a ***** today
You might have lost a friend
I got called ugly
You're wondering if your friends life will end
I got called a *****
You're getting you heart ripped out
I don't know how to help you
All I can do is pout
You're not in this alone
I'm here by your side
You and I are going through a hard time
But together we stand
And together we fight

All you did was cheat and lie
All I did was stay by your side
I ignored what everybody else was saying
But it was my denial the truth was delaying
You told me you loved me and that you'd be mine forever
But you were also sleeping with her while we were together
And not just one her oh no but maybe two or three more
I know now that your love for me was out the door
Now I see all the truths that were buried deep within your lies
And how dare you have the soul to look me in the eyes
I avoid you but you're everywhere
You're worst than a ghost I wish I didn't care
I wish I had listened to all the truths that were said
Instead I listened to your lies and layed with you in bed
I loved you you enslave me
Now I'm left alone with my tears and no dignity
You aren't a saint you're the devil!
You put all of your sin into me
I can't run away and hide from you
Because your eyes are spears that just stab through
I can't get away from all the memories and the pain
Why is it so ******* me
When it's clearly so easy for
You

When I'm sobbing you're there
When I'm laughing you're the reason I am
When I'm smiling it's caused by you
When I'm having a day where I falling down you pick me up off the ground
When I feel like giving up you keep me going

Today was aweful for me but you made me realize something
You told me I was strong
You told me they won't matter when I grew up
You told me I'm going to make it
You told me you love me no matter what

Then it hit me...
You're right!
I am strong ive been through a lot and I'm still standing
They don't matter and they never will its highschool who cares
I am going to make it I'm smart and hardworking
I know you love me thats what keeps me going

I have something nobody else has
I have you

A mind so beautiful
A mind so lethal
A mind im in love with
A mind I can't hate
A mind that can make me smile
A mind that could crush my soul
A mind that can let me in
A mind that chooses to keep its secrets
A mind like a rubric cube
So hard to figure out
I'm in love with your mind
Without a single doubt