I leaned up against you
I tried to resurface our memories
But you looked right through me
You turned away and called for another friend
That's when I knew I was on the end of the elastic band
It came and struck me in the face
That's when I knew I loved you more
That you just simply let go of us
I held in all the tears
but you texted me out of the blue wanting to hang out
I literally broke down
Remembering how you ignored me, but wanting our friendship back
Wanting us back
I tore the bandage off
Now I'm crying and breaking
Our 4am conversation running through my mind
All the shared laughters
Running through my mind
If I knew I would've ended up in pain
I still would've walked up to you
Oh, my dear friend
Does she not know what she has done to my heart?

I leap with joy at the news
Happy tears rolling down my cheeks
My parents are separating, once again
We're going back to the ranch
Hopefully we'll be happy
I'll miss my dear friends
But the true ones know
The broken family we are
Sometimes it's best to leave
Instead of forcing something that shouldn't be
They understand
But I pray that my younger siblings be alright
Full of innocence
I take the blame
It is all my fault
I brought us back down to hell
Back then, I was too young to see
But now I feel that this is not okay
We're going back to the ranch
Lord Almighty, help us
We've tried and tried
But some things aren't meant to be
Alcohol and a broken woman don't belong
That man and her don't belong
She deserves better
He's gonna drown himself in his work and alcohol
I hope we'll be happy
I can't go on pretending
We must crawl out of hell now
I'm kissing this house goodbye
We're going back to the ranch
Just mom and I and the kids
Daddy's gonna be left.

I walk away
You should've treated me better
Can't you give me another chance? You ask
I laugh and leave
Oh, how many times I have heard that
Coming straight from your slurry, drunken mouth
I deserve better than this
This is where our accidental collided paths separate
Goodbye, my Darlin'
I will always be in love with the guy I once knew
Not this stranger.

We talked about the future like we had a clue
You were my best friend and I was yours
We talked our souls out at 4 in the morning
Woke up the next day a little lighter
We were going on four years
But I guess fate has a different idea
Oh how I wish I knew what it was
I try to talk to you, but you shut me out
It was like an elastic band
She had long let go
I should've caught all the signs
I guess I should finally stop thinking of her
Maybe that's why I'm writing
Or I might just be keeping the memories alive
I miss you, but you no longer look at me
If I would've know this is how it would've ended
I still would've walked up to you four years ago
Every day spent with you was well worth it
Still worth the pain of missing you
Oh, goodbye my friend
Until I see you in my dreams.

There is no such thing as black or white
We are caged in the center of it all
Our hearts and minds waging a war
In between our parent's barking
Asking which one we love more
We are expected to act like adults
But we get treated like children
Our heart's dreaming dreams that reality cannot sustain
Our souls begging to live forever
In a world full of the unknown
We want answers to unquestionable questions
We want to believe in the beauty of life
So we try and chose the right path
But there are no two paths
They collide and intertwine
Much like the beauty of the rose
Our paths are gray
They will be filled with great despair and love
Tears and cheers
Gray is the new paradox
For our thoughts creep into our hearts
And our hearts creep into our thoughts.

I am gunpowder and lead
I will break you
I will fix you
I will hurt you
I will mend you
Just make sure you don't hurt me
Because I will deliver it worse.

Some people say I'm mean
Others say I'm heartless
And they woudn't do what I did
They just don't get it
I don't sugar coat anything
I'll tell you how it is and I won't lie
The just don't get it
I have to protect myself
I have to defend myself
I gotta do what's best for me
Even if I hurt others in the process
I told them
I won't sugar coat crap
And I'll be a straight up blunt
Because I am gunpowder and lead
They still didn't get it
I've lost many
But I know who's loyal.

I whispered your name into the darkness
The wind carried it through my hair
Chilling my bones
I lie here on the bed of my truck
Memories of us roaring in
Coming in tornado flashes
Beautifully and ******* me into its whirl
But now I am destroyed
I am forever afraid of falling in love
But my drunken eyes only sees your face
My cold, lonely lips feel your warmth
My pounding neck feels your eyelashes fluttering
How I crave to be in your tight embrace
Tangled up in sheets never wanting to leave
My hammering heart yearns for you
I should of never let go.

I don't care if you love me
But I'd like you to
I push you away
But I want you to stay
I say mean things
Even when my heart is full of love for you
You were the rose
And I was the thorns
You were a ray of sunshine
And I was your stormy night
You made my day better
And all I did was make you blue
I tell you I won't force you to stay
In hope that you won't leave
You were a honey suckle
And I was your wasp
You were a cure
And I was your poison
You were life
And I was death
You were front stage
And I was your shadow
You were skipping
And I was slipping
You were smiling
And I was frowning
You were peace
And I was the war
You were found
And I was lost
You were loved
And I was ******
You were too good for me
And I was not enough
So please stay...
Or don't
I don't care
Even if I do
I like you
I don't like you
You were sensitive
And I was insensitive
You were a Northerner
And I was a Southerner
You were the moon
And I was the wolf
You were the cherry
And I was the stem
You were the flower
And I was the dirt
You were Heaven
And I was your Hell
You heart is whole
I don't have a heart
Your life is complete
My life hasn't started
You were sweet
And I was bitter
You were the wild berries
And I was the vine
You were soft
And I was hard
You were a cloud
And I was the rain
You were a planet
And I was the asteroid
You were the water
And I was the Fire
You are an Angel
And I am a Demon
You fixed me
I broke you
You still stayed
You were afraid to speak your mind
But I was a blunt
You spared the feelings of everyone
I spared no one
You were as soft as a teddy bear
And I was as hard as steel
You were glass
Marked 'fragile'
I was a bomb
Marked 'dangerous'
Don't you see?
I am hard to love
I am insensitive
I am caring
I love with a passion
And hate with my heart
Nothing can hurt me
Eventhough I feel everything in vain
I will defend you
I will leave you
I will love you
I will hurt you
I will say mean things
And do kind
I will not care of you
Even if my heart does
I will say goodbye
Even if my arms say stay
The door is right there...
Just leave
But I am right here...
Just stay
I am a girl
With many different sides
I am love
I am hate
I am ammo
I am the gun
I am the band aid
I am the doctor
I will love you till my last breath
Or when you decide to leave
Beware of me, this is a warning!
I am hard to love.

They tell me to get a life
So now I'm here
I'm addicted to sweet words written across a page
From a writer's watery depths
Hello Poetry
Goodbye my life
Now I'm forever cursed
With a long string of letters just waiting
To get put into a poem
Now everything around me is just a poem waiting to happen.

I sit in class
Writing about him
He sits across the room from me
With no knowledge that I like him
He makes my heart ache
He sends me over the edge
He causes all these emotions to emerge
Much like a tornado
Sweeping everything in its path
Destroying me from the inside out
With no end.

I was staring at a dream
My heart hammering
The butterflies exploding
My tongue twisting
My breath quickening
Oh how that smile tangles me up
He looks up and catches me staring
My cheeks blush
I look away immediately
How I wish I had the courage to talk to him.

In this world of romantic dreamers called poets
We shall forever live in a poem
Where words run deep and periods don't exist
I think of you and my heart flutters
You are the most beautiful form of art I have ever written
You are the single rose I need
I am infatuated by the desire of wanting to be in love
We are two love struck teenagers
Watching the stars and whispering about love into the passionate wind
Promising forever against each other's lips
Keeping each other warm in a tight embrace of endearing romance
I dream of you the way one writes to breathe
I dream of you as if you truly were my lover
The more I write the more real we become
The more memories and moments I conjure up
You are simply a dream of my crush
This poem is written for me
There is no us
But I like to dream through string of words and poems
I am a hopeless romantic writing about a boy who will never notice her
But with every poem I write I bring us alive
In a world where no one can find us
This is all but a dream called a poem
Written by romantic dreamers called poets.

Everyone has shoulders to fill
Tears that shed
A burden upon the soul
A gaping, flaming heart
Either from love or hate
Everyone carries burdens
Some just smile a little more
Some just don't think about the weight
They live a better life
There are times when you can't change what you bear
But you can change the way you carry it
Don't walk with your head down
Keep your head held high and back straight
Learn how to bear your weight
Because truth be told, we are all filled with burdens
We are all running to a finish line that doesn't exist.

Most people are afraid of not getting married
They are afraid of never being good enough
Of never being accepted
My fear is greater
My fears do not lie in the hands of others
My fears lie heavy on my soul
What if I don't make it?
What if I'm not happy?
What if I'm forced fo have a job I don't love?
I think of my future everyday
Knowing that I could die tonight
I want to write
I love to write
I want to become an author
I want to inspire people with my words
I am afraid
What if it doesn't happen?
What if I die before then, then what?
What will happen to my binder?
I will be another gone dreamer dead.

I am that type of girl
That will stay up late talking on the phone
Holding you until your body stops trembling
If you were to punch me I'd grab you and ask if you were okay
If I were starving and you said you just wanted my food
I'd give it to you and watch you chew it up happily
I would imagine it going through your system
And making your tummy smile
I'd listen to you ramble about your unhappy life
While flashes of my parent's fighting ran through my head
The curse words like penetrating echoes in my mind
I Am That Type Of Girl
That will smile while I dodge the murderous bullets
And watch you cry on your own parade
I have a heavy burden
But I've learned how to carry it
I just don't think about it
It's like an illusion
You can't feel what you don't see
But you like to feel what you don't see
That is why you are always complaining and under the bus
I Am That Type Of Girl
That likes to laugh without a reason
I will sit on the floor with you and hold you while you scream
Like an upchuck from the deep bowels within
I'll tell you everything is alright
When I blame myself for my parent's fighting
I tell you to not bear the cross
I'll bear it for you ontop of the world that I already bear
You don't believe in an afterlife
You can't see anything beyond dirt
I believe in Heaven
I see Angels dancing to the rainbow
You go around the world with your head bowed down
I keep my head held high
You settle for what comes your way
I make my own way
I Am That Type Of Girl
That will smile through anything
That will love your everything
I love with a passion
And hate in vain
Yes, I Am That Type Of Girl.

I walk around the world
With my head held high
As if nothing hurts me
I try to act like an insensitive ****
So people will hate me so I won't fall in love with them
They ask me what's wrong
Why are your knuckles bleeding?
I got into a fight
With who?
Myself. And I seemed to have lost.
Any glass that could've been found in that little shack
Has been broken by my ****** knuckles
I made glass Angels that left a ****** puddle
I didn't cry, I smirked
I threw my head back and laughed
But oh my Darlin'
Here I am writing poems because I am weak
I cry and I breakdown
I try to give myself pain to make myself strong
But the tears still leak no matter how tight I close my eyes
I bawled my fists and swore I hated my parents
For never getting along
I went to sleep with a hurricane inside of me
I couldn't stop trembling
I act tough
But I am weak
I cried myself to sleep that night
As well as every night
I am weak.

My dad calls every year round my birthday
I don't want to talk to him, mom
Last time I saw him I was 9
Now I'm 15 years
I've been avoiding him 6 years
My birthday is coming up
What do I do?
He tries to be a part of my life
But I can't
I push him away
I don't want to see him
I've been okay without him
I can keep on keeping
A secret grudge that's been buried
I can't, I can't
Be alone with him
I don't want to see him
You don't mess with my kin
I wish I could let go of the past
But 6 years a grudge
Ain't easy to let go
Goodbye dad
If I ever come looking
It's gonna be at your grave
If you're ever gonna see me
It's gonna be my tombstone.

They tell me I should love myself more
They tell me to be nicer
They tell me to be careful with the heart  
They tell me I should smile more
They complain that I am too loud
They tell me to quit talking
They tell me to quit writing poems
But writing poems is all I'm good at
I have no other way to express what I feel.

I dream of falling in love
With each cigarette puff blowing in the wind
I dream of falling in love
With each leaf crunching as I'm walking in the woods
I dream of falling in love
With each dandelion seed flowing adrift
I dream of falling in love
With each coyote howling at the moon
I dream of falling in love
With each line I compose from the heart
I dream of falling in love
With each breath I take
I dream of falling in love
Always and constantly.

If only God wouldn't of called you home
We'd hear your truck from a mile away
Red Bulls in hand
Ready for a cookout
But we haven't seen you in 3 years
No more coming to the ranch
No more ******
But it's okay we left all the memories there
Along with my dead Grandpa
Who I never knew anything about until after he was 6 feet underground
Mom talks about you a lot but I never knew you
Did you drink to bury all the memories of Vietnam?
Did you smoke to bury the ones that have died?
I will no longer see my uncle
But it's okay
I don't drink Red Bull anymore
Momma and I sat on that couch
Looking out that window
Knowing your tires wouldn't make their mark anymore
I think about you all the time
You were like a father to me
But it's too late for that now
The last memory of us was simple for the little girl that was me
We walked into Walmart
Hand in Hand
I felt like the luckiest niece alive
You bought me a toy robot
And I loved it because it came from you
It may not mean much to others, but they didn't know you
You were the sweetest man I knew
You weren't even a father yet
But I could tell you, you would've been a **** good one
Bye grandpa I will never know
If Only Heaven Wasn't So Far Away
I'd like to get to know you
Rather than the pieces I have pieced of you
Told from many people that knew you
Bye uncle I loved
If Only Heaven Wasn't So Far Away
Then I could stop missing you.

I hate your loving smile
I hate your glistening eyes
I hate your soft fliipy hair
I hate your pouty pink lips
I hate your tall, slim body
I hate your adorable dimples
I hate your constellation-like freckles
I hate your athletic graceful walk
I hate your sensual Adam's apple
I hate your boyish mischievous grin
I hate the way you throw your head back and laugh so wildly
I hate the way you make me feel
I hate that I have to write about you
To try and get over your piercing eyes
Because John,
The truth is I like you
I have since the 8th grade
And now we're sophomores
But guys like you don't go for girls like me
The truth is, I don't hate you
I try to convince myself I don't like you
I am writing this as a reason to why I should hate you
But I simply cannot
I think, slowly and painfully that I have fallen in love with you
I can't get you out of my mind
Every love story I read I wish it were us
I dream of you John, constantly and always
Oh how you have ******* with my heart
With that devilish smile of yours
I hate you John.

Never rely so heavily on a person
Whenever you fall asleep in your bed they may not be there
They're not by your side holding your hand
There not behind the closed doors holding you while you cry
Your trembling body violently shaking like a tornado
Your tears flowing from your eyes like a waterfall
A hurricane is forming within
The wind gets heavier and picks up what remains
All that is left is a desert
Nobody is there
It's just you
Never rely on one so heavily
That you have planned a schedule
One day they'll leave you
One day they'll die
One day y'all will get into a fight
So please, my Darlin'
Stay independent
For how can one heart fill two?
How can one casket fill two?

She stares at him
He pretends not to notice
He looks up and almost catches her eye
But she quickly looks away
She will never let him hurt her
He will never hurt her
She stares at the ground
Daydreaming about the boy
Across the classroom
He watches her, falling deeper for her smile.

I watched from afar
I never fully understood
How two people could be
In love but not together.

As I watched the sunset in the bed of my truck
I wondered where does it go?
As I was pondering this
The moon came up
The birds stopped chirping
The wolves started howling.

The sun and the moon are deeply in love
One dies to see the other live
The other lives to see the one die.
They are in love but never together.

I'm just trying to teach you what the real world is
Get angry at who ever lied to you
Your heart is too gushy and mushy for this world
You will get crushed
And left at the door to be used as a mat
I have a heart of steel
I am not insensitive to be a ****
But to help and mold you to show you what the real world is like
I'm preparing you
I trick you into falling in love with me
But then I break your heart
To show you that you can't trust anyone
Never be afraid to speak up
I am an insensitive, teasing son of a gun
But I will make your heart as strong as lead
I wil turn you into the strongest bottle of whiskey
And then you will know why I was so insensitive
I will forever be burdened with the thought of losing you
I was your first love and your first heartache
Now you know what I'm really like
My poor dear darling
She was so easy to talk to
She was my best friend
She knew who my dream cowboy was
But now I have to live with the thought that I broke her heart
Hopefully she'll think of me
Even if it is a sad blue song.

I reach out and take your hand
I feel like I'm holding the world
We interlock our hands together
We sway back and forth to the music
Our hands have become one
Our hands have molded to fit each other
I lose all feeling of your hand
It has disappeared into mine
I give it a squeeze to make sure it's there
With the interlocking of our hands
Sometimes your hand starts to disappear into mine
It's like that last missing puzzle piece
It fits perfectly that you forget it's there
I love the powerful sensation of interlocking of hands.

He's at the bar drinking with his buddies
They can barely understand him
His words are slurry
His vision is blurry
He asks for one more beer
They say 'okay last one'
15 beers later it's closing time.
My heart is the true poet
Whatever it wants my body works for it
My cramping hand slowly glides the paper
Quickly being filled with letters
Stringing the paper and filling its empty void
I think to myself, 'just one more'
I am no better than the alcoholic
They have an aching head the next morning
I have an aching hand
I don't know when to stop
I love writing about nothing and everything
Each poem I write sparks a new one
'Just one more,'  every poet says.

There is something in his eyes that makes me keep longing
The way one keeps sipping even though their is nothing at the bottom of that cup
There is something about his arms that makes me want to keep on hugging him
The way one says hello after a long departure
There is something about his shirt
The sweet sorry smell that is him
The bedsheets I yet to wash
There is something about his hands that makes me want to stay
The way one stays 'one more beer'
There is something about his lips
Maybe it's how soft they are
Or maybe it's because they taste like the sweetest honey
I keep wanting to come back like a honey bee
There is something about his smile that gravitates me towards him
The way the sun and the moon cannot stray
These is something about his heart, mind, and soul that keeps him alive in all my poems
I can never forget a boy like that even if he has already moved on
This is me
Keeping my favorite dream alive
Keeping us alive
Keeping Him Alive.

He grew up around *****
Bottles and cans thrown 'round
He calls them his holy water, now
Been a long time since Church
We watch him slowly progressing his death
The bubbles quickening the pace
He drinks till he's out
Till I can't see the heart behind his eyes
A new man kicks in
This ain't the dad I know
All the ***** finally got to him
He drank himself to death
I guess too much of a good ain't a good thing.

I am wrapped in your endearing warmth
In the bed of your truck
Tangled in sheets
Pillows thrown around
A bottle of Jack uncapped and empty
You whisper against my lips
The promises of forever and love
The wind plays with my hair
But all I feel is your arms around me
The stars are out illuminating the dark sky
A full moon playing with our shadows
You throw your head back and laugh
Sendning me to crash againt you
As our bodies lie on top of one another
I can't help but feel how perfect it is being here with you
I stare into your eyes
They are filled with a burning passion
My eyes linger at your lips
I whisper the words "Kiss Me"
The moment our lips touch
Sparks fly and the stars smile at our love
The moon knows what we did that night
We both know it's a feeling you only ever feel once in your lifetime
You were, and still are my first and only love.

When Heaven's waters rain down
I want you to pull me in tight
Our slick bodies moving with the wind
You white cotton tee exposing
Your shaggy hair sticking to the nape of your neck
I want to feel your wet lips on me
The raindrops tickling our skin
I want you to hold me and never let go
Tell me how much you love me
Baby kiss me in the rain.

Once upon a time I used to be so blue
But then I blew all my worries away
The ocean carried them in ripples
Like nothing more but a grain of sand
The wind carried all my doubts astray
Along with the other gone souls
I've learned to let go
Like one person once said
Worrying is like going outside with an umbrella and waiting for if to rain
You just need to learn how do dig a six foot hole
And throw all your worries, fears, doubts, and anything haunting in the grave
Nothing more but a flush of your waste.

In life
You are going to have to make decisions
That you will question for the rest of your life.

You are mine.
You were my best friend since 6th grade
When I first moved here
Then you started to become a stranger
Someone who I've never met.

I felt the distance you put in between us
I felt the cold draft rush in to fill your void
I waited for you
It only got colder.

Enough is enough.
I had to do what was best for me
I wasn't going to let you play me like that anymore
I ended our friendship
You didn't have the guts
To say it to my face what you've been saying behind my back.

I took the reins.
I ended us
I couldn't keep on pretending like I didn't know
I deserve better than you
But why am I questioning everything I've done?
Why am I wasting my ink and midnight tears on you?

Letting you go
Was the hardest thing I've done
Memories of you and I
Flood my pillows
Filling my thoughts
I will never forget you,
Dear Friend.

The rain trickles down
Thundering against the tin roof
Coming down in sparks
Cleansing the earth
Watering the very roots
Of the trees that let us live
The rain is pounding
The lightning lights up the night sky
Giving hint to a little light that roars
Why does everyone hate me? it thinks.

I spend all my days in a jumble of letters
Words rambling on
They are tangled at the tip of my tongue
They are thought with my heart like a blood rose
I am the rain
I say everything at once
Slowly and rapidly with no avail, lightning interlacing
Or I don't say much of anything
A drought drying my wordless throat
I've learned that the only words we regret
Are the ones that our lips have yet to form
The ones that have not been voiced
But thought at the back of our minds
Melting and freezing like an icecube
The ones that we struggle to string along
The words that haunt us late at night
The ones we wish to scream till our lungs collapse
We say all that our heart's feels
Through a simple poem
But we are still struck with the loss of words
Have we said all that we are feeling?
Have we still some feelings left to be said?

I am lost in a world where I never want to be found.

Life taught me
That nothing is forever
My love stories taught me
That one will always love deeper.

I wondered
how could I
possibly be
loved when
I don't
even love
myself.

Love will consume your heart
Filling it with youth of life
Love will blind you to all evil
Seeing nothing but sunshine and rainbows
Love will shelter you from the storm
Staying indoors wrapped in his arms
The fireplace crackling
Filling the room with endearing warmth
All is right in the universe
When you have found the one
Wrapped in his or her loving arms.

I am a lover of words
Stringing them along
Elongating them
Drawing them out
The simplicity leaving me awestruck.

They were so young and crazy
Whispering I love you
In the back of his truck.

They are graduates now
She is staying in Texas
And he is going overseas
She wants to be a doctor
To save lives
He wants to be a Marine
To defend his country for the greater good.

He comes back
A half year later.

She kisses his cold soft lips
Drawing him in for the last embrace
They put him in underground.

She will never forget him
He's watching over her now
Guarding the gates of Heaven
Waiting for the moment when he will see his love.

They were young and crazy
They were lovers.