this is written for one special person,
I justed wanted to say thank you.
Thank you for loving me whole heartedly
Even when my heart was nowhere near being whole
Thank you for being gentle because you knew how broken I was
Thank you for never leaving my side
even though I tried to push you miles away
Thank you for being my backbone when I couldn't seem to stand
Thank you for being the man I have fallen deeply in love with
Thank you for being who you are.

I am not your toy
Do not toss me around
I am fragile

You disregard my china like structure
instead you bend me in ways I can't bend
I will brake

You got tired of me
now I sit and collect dust
until you get mad
then I become your punching bag
because let's face it
I broke a long time ago

4 letters
1 word
A thousand meanings

loving me is like loving wind
I come and go
I cant stay still and I cant be held
My hands shake so I remain moving

I wish I could calm my heart
but thats not possible

Until Him
He gets it
He understands im broken
unable to remain still
so he chases me

slowly ill learn to trust him
slowly my hands will no longer shake
slowly the wind will calm

I used to be okay with the silence
But now my stomach twist in a never ending swirl
The silence isn’t my friend
It reveals secrets I don’t want it to
Like how I can’t calm my shaking hand
How I can’t stop clearing my throat even though the feeling doesn’t go away
Most of all I hate the silence because it means your not here to calm me

Life hurts
It breaks you down
Stomps on you
Flat out doesn't care about you

But what makes it worse is him
He changed me
Then he walked away
Left me for dust

My heart feels like an angry wasp has struck
Never have I felt this pain
How does someone cause such pain

It's sad
But move on because life doesn't care

I grew up hearing "life is a learning experience"
So why when I mess up do I get knocked down
When I stumble on words they laugh
When I cry they walk away
How do I learn when no one will teach

I teach myself
I teach myself not to talk in front of people
I teach myself crying is for the weak
Don't look weak or you become prey
Life is a learning experience if you're willing to teach yourself

Do you ever lay in bed thinking about every little word he has ever said to you... all the hearts he has sent or the kissing faces.. it makes your heart ache doesn't it
He is gone for 6 months and all you have is the few letters he has sent with the very rare time he has to wright you, every night you throw on his shirt and wrap yourself in it praying that some part of it still smells like him even though he gave it to you months ago and you sleep in it every night and by now it's covered in your tears because every bone in your body wants him to come back every part of you wants him to be there to trace him fingers ever so lightly across your back while you fall asleep in his arms feeling safer than ever
Here's the thing though.. no matter how bad you want someone there you wouldn't trade him for anyone else

Life used to be a nightmare
Never wanting to awake
Not ever leaving my room
Windows shut
Isolation

Then I met him

Now I wake with a smile
My windows swing open
Birds chirping warm my heart
I smile at everyone I pass on the street
He changed me

It's no longer a nightmare but like I'm sleep walking in a great dream

To be warm is to be happy
When in a lovers arm most are warm
But not all are happy

I was not warm at all
I was just freezing
The tighter his embrace the colder I was

Finally he let go
My body is now warm
My blood flows like a river
I am now longer frozen in his arms

I have found the warmth

There was this dream
It was filled of friends and lovers
Sweet sweet dream
How sweet it must be to dream

But I don't dream
My sleep if full of nightmares
Your hands in contact with my skin
His face
The dark glow of his eyes

Must be sweet to dream
But I only dream of dark things

Don't turn back
Do not look back on what was
You left him
No he left you
But that's not what matters
he is a closed chapter
No more roses
No more good morning text
But most of all no more wondering who he's with
No more crying over the lost love
No more bruises
No more cursing his name
So do not look back
To everyone else he left you
But today tell yourself you left him