I can't vape
I’m too addicted
to the nicotine of my youth

I thought I could
But nope
I’m not good at moderation

So a short lived experiment
into sanitized smoking
dies a quick and ***** death

goodbye vape
I wish.

Going back in time tonight
to my old life
the one with beer and dope

where I hung out at night
with old tunes
and a typewriter

I used to think
they all worked together
to inspire

but then I figured out
they just worked together
to get me wasted

— after work

I swap my corporate suit
for
cotton jeans and an XL hoody

I slip off the pumps
and slip on
sensuous, bare feet

I trade in my keyboard
for
pistachio nuts and chilled Chardonnay

I shut down the spreadsheet
and open up
a big, fat newspaper

I push aside the ergonomic chair
and sink in
to my overstuffed second-hand couch

sweetest of all
I rip off my ******* bra
and exhale,

free at last
— after work

It used to be

The kitchen table was covered with
drawings of sharks and paper dolls
works of art by small, intent fists

These have been replaced with
cigarette ash atop empty beer cans
tales of strife and rounded shoulders

I am left wondering
When will you get back to the art
and pretty music and carefree days
or is this the way

it's going to be now.

Old tattered photos
Too ****** many of them
Sorting and sifting through decades
Of travel and love and babies

Boxes and boxes to toss or store
Much better to see them reside in bits and bytes
Where no one has to throw them out
Where no one has to deal.