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 Jul 2015 KC
Cristina Dean
we were driving
with our love child
dead in the trunk
dead in my gut

thunder road on
repeat
reading in the
passenger’s seat
six pack in the back
fingers moving up
bare thighs
begging for some.
a bottle of sailor jerry on the
beach
licking the salt off
each other’s lips
and the word forever
worn as a promise ring.
snapped a photo,
me in a red
bathing suit,
which you kept on
the dashboard of
your Honda civic
98. it’s still there,
i hear,
lying flat
even though
forever
couldn't make it through the year.

we were driving with
our love child
dead in the trunk
dead inside my gut
 Jul 2015 KC
Danielle Shorr
Learn
 Jul 2015 KC
Danielle Shorr
Tell me when it was
The first time you learned to hate yourself
The first time you tripped over your own fault lines
And started taking caution in every step
When did it happen?
Was it at 10?
When your shaking hands couldn't hold still
And the shame of them drove you into isolation
Maybe it's because others noticed
Or because they did their best to make it clear you were different
I don't think you know
That the rhythm you had and still have
Is unlike the rest
It is crooked and uneven but beautiful nonetheless
You didn't know it then
And accepting unsteadiness is easier said than done

Tell me when it was
The first time you learned to hurt yourself
Could it have been at 13?
When the weight of too much pressure motivated you to lose it
To the point where bones stuck out more than your voice
Loud girl became quiet that year
And then even more so the next
When your changing body didn't morph the way you would have liked it to
Left you shaped uncomfortably
A little too top heavy
The kind that drew unwanted attention
At a time when standing out was the last thing you desired
You turned skin into a battlefield into remnants from too many losses
Wrists became front lines, then hips, then neck until
You became too much destruction to keep the war going
You learned that it is impossible to win in a fight against yourself

Tell me when it was
The first time you learned to forget yourself
Was it at 15?
When the sacrifice of your body wasn't enough
To make a careless boy love you
It was a silly thing to give it all away
When you barely had enough of you for yourself
Your efforts changed after that
Trying too hard turned into not trying at all
Feeling too much turned into feeling nothing at all
You learned to repress and erase
And start over in the morning
You have been heavy from trying to hide away for so long

Tell me when it is
The first time you learn to love yourself
Will finally be after all of the years of disappointment?
Of self-deprecation?
When you realize you deserve more
Than to be the dust swept off to the side
Deserve better than to be an ashed out version of your potential
You were not meant to be wasted
You were not meant to be washed out and pushed down
You were meant to stand tall

The first time you learn to love yourself
Will be when you realize flaw is inevitable
When your skin turns itself different colors
And nothing can be done to change it
You will then learn acceptance

The first time you learn to love yourself
Will be when you stop comparing
When you look in the mirror and see only yourself in the reflection
Nobody else
You were meant to be here
You were meant to embrace it all
This body
This skin
This image
The only one you will ever have
The same one you will have to love
And eventually you will,
You'll learn how to.
 Jul 2015 KC
Maria
Haunting
 Jul 2015 KC
Maria
She's more than beautiful:
mysterious, ****, sweet, charming...
She's everything you could ever imagine
and more than that, too.

Every eye is on her when she enters the room.
She breathes out fire,
fills your lungs with burning desire;
Scorching flames you better hold behind clenched teeth.

No one says a thing about her;
She could hang their name with just one comeback.
If that doesn't work,
she's got a poisonous glare and a collection of brass-knuckle promise rings.
"The bruises really bring out the blue in your eyes,"
but only if you aren't playing nice.

No one can keep their heart beating right;
She takes your breath away, no matter who you are.
To see her vulnerable,
what a rare sight to behold.
Keep your fantasies under control.
If you try to rescue her, she'll never forget, always regret you.

Now the pain in her black eyes,
the sway in her hips as she walks away,
don't make me the same kind of weak anymore.
Nothing is worse than being blessed by the angel that I wrecked.
Please just take my advice.

A dream come true
haunts me in my nightmares.
So save your dreams of her
for sleeping at night.
 Jul 2015 KC
Maria
Tornado
 Jul 2015 KC
Maria
You and I are the ones who have too many secrets to keep,
so we share the weight and share the stories.
We sit with our fingers and hearts crossed,
wishing for a tornado
because we both find something oddly comforting about power-outages,
something undeniably enticing about city ruins.
I can smell the storm coming,
there is blood in the air.
Let this be the end of me and you.
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