tick tock

first 
I walk

tick tock

then 
I run
tick tock

when
the world
comes
crashing
down
around me

tick tock

I stop
tick tock

as the fiery

inferno
of oblivion

tick tock
swallows me

tick tock

I am
forgotten

tick tock

a single star
in the abbys

of a universe

tick tock

times
up

Help me up
as you push me down

listen to me
with your deafened ears

look at me
through your blinded eyes
hold me down

while I try to fly

Away 

from the confusion

and desperation

of being 
without you


Shove me away
So you can catch me
as I fall

into the
painless
oblivion 

of finally 
getting 
over

you....


You catch me

before I let go

because

you want to watch

as I tear myself to peices

with all the hate

and regret

I bury deep inside

You watch

as I destroy myself

because of what 
you’ve done to me...


But thats alright...

I deserve it.

He doesn’t.



You pretend to love me

so you can hurt me

that much more


You pretend you want me

as if 
I even
cross your mind...



Different worlds

Different languages

I dont know 
what its like

where you come from

but here
breaking my heart

over and over

is not a game

because
I am not 
stuck

in oblivion 

any longer

I am here

and I 
can feel

The pain

of rejection...



Love is overreated anyways...

the circus freak
walking the tightrope

day and night

night and day

never stopping

always falling

Protected

by the loneliness
of
Pain

Or so he thought

The circus freak 

Left

In the dark

crying

hurting

hating



The circus freak

walking the tightrope

night and day

day and night

falling

falling

Falling

Still in pain (more or less)

Fear (less and more) alone


The circus freak

walking the tightrope

day and night

night and day
never stopping

always
falling....

Sometimes
confusion
is pain
the regret
loss
undefined
all my feelings
crushed together
into a fiery ball of agony
burning
in the middle of
my heart

sometimes
confusion
is an escape
the lonliness
and hurt
of rejection
lost
in the rush
of feelings
images
sounds
the pain in my legs as i run
almost blocks out
the pain
that is within

almost...

confusion
i hear
everything
and
nothing
tears blur my vision
but no one see’s
i can run away from him
but I cannot escape the fire
burning away
its hurts
but maybe
it will burn
the feelings
turn the sadness and jealousy
to ash

looking down
seeing everything
but at the same time
seeing nothing
how can I feel so much
when no one else
can feel a thing...

I put them up
again and again
but the walls
kept tumbling down
I have to hide the truth
Inside myself
and so now its time
to build
the crumbling barriers
back up
from the bottom
of the souless pits 
I hide inside
right back to the top
dont hold back
dont look down
please dont get to close
its dark inside
but your eyes
they shine bright
I can’t take that light
there is no escape for me now
and if you fall
you will be stuck with me
in oblivion
The path to heaven
is thin
and it lies
through miles of clouded hell
run
right to the top
dont look back
dont slip
or all that will be left
is a fading sillohette

I’m hearing what you say
But I cant make a sound
I’d take another chance
another fall for you
but as you turn your back
I count the steps
until I’m on my own
I need you here
like my heart needs a beat
but the pain,
It’s nothing new
Im afraid
shaking hands
Take the wheel

I can’t look back
Every glance
is killing me
I thought I was moving
but I go nowhere
I’d give anything
to be free again
to go
somewhere
anywhere but here
Yea, i know that everyone gets scared
but I know I can’t escape you
this time...

But if you closed your eyes
would you finally see me?
If you closed your eyes
would you see what I see?


Untie the weight bags,
never thought i could
but they are stuck there
I knew i couldn’t
push and shove
but I am tied to you
in ways that I cannot explain

Inside is war

outside it pours

falling into oblivion

Im not afraid
death is simple
easy
it is the people 
I leave behind

that will suffer...

Inside is war
outside it pours

the rain drums on the ground
rythmic
insistent

unstoppable
uncaring
unfased
as the bullets streak by
the puddles
turn red
the water
cold and innocent
tainted with fear
anger
and death

Inside is war
The blood runs thick within my veins

innocence threatened
by the dark war
raging within
Outside it pours
the rain beats down
insistent
but quiet
a background noise
a side effect
but demanding
to be noticed
and so the rain pours down

no one notices
the war
no one notices
the death
because the rain is pouring down
thick
wet
silent
a blanket between reality
and the pain within

Trapped
between reality and pretence

I don’t understand
how both

can hurt this bad
A fire burning
Turning me to ashes
from the inside out
but thats alright

I deserve it

and I know
I cannot escape this
the hurt
fear
and regret
fester in my soul
leaving an empty pit
where love once was
where love
will never be again
Now
its too late
The walls have come
crashing down
swallowing me
as the darkness within
finally breaks free
and I could apologise
But
Nothing
I can say
will mend the tear
in the fabric of the universe
Nothing

Except the one thing
I cannot say
Because
I
don’t
lie....
Or I would be
Just like you
And, trust me, I
would rather
die....

And so now

I am trapped
Hopelessly

I know there is no way out
But that wont stop me from trying
I wont give up

There has to be another way
Because I cant 
stay trapped
between
reality and
pretence
forever...

Theres nothing left to see now
the circus has finally closed

I sigh
as the freakshow begins
I stand down

lost

alone

my vision clouds

but I see everything

as the tent fills with shadows

I watch their faces
cruel laughter

lighting up their eyes

I run

frantic

as the empty seats are filled
by all the other outcasts
desperate
to laugh at someone else for a change
at least
something good 
would have
come out 
of my useless life

all Ive ever done
is hurt people
then again

theres a first time 
for everything...


The shadows
they stare

as if
they havent heard 
of things like me before
abominations

monsters

I cant tell

if they really see me

they would be the first...

I watch 
as they take their seats
the ringmaster
pushes me

one
step
too
far

and I fall 
into the empty pit that surrounds me

inside and outside

finally the same
the shadows laugh
as I drown 
in the waters
of my soul...

I feel the darkness 
closing in

I welcome it

it will all be over soon anyway

why fight

when 
there is nothing left

to fight for
after all 
Im not
worth the trouble
no one
 faught for me...