I've been doing a lot of thinking,
Looking back at bygone years.
Reliving times of happiness
And remembering the tears.
It's been a roller coaster,
I can say without a doubt.
Problems without solutions
That it's time to figure out.
My thoughts are spinning madly
In the confines of my mind.
Confusion overwhelms me
And answers are hard to find.
I have nobody to talk to
To help me find my way.
No-one to add perspective
And make my turmoil go away.
The more I think, the more I hurt.
The more jumbled things become.
It makes no sense, no sense at all
And the answers will not come.
I'm standing at a crossroads
Which way do I go?
Left or right or straight ahead?
The truth is, I don't know.

I wish someone would tell me that it's really okay
To let go of my feelings, not lock them away.
I wish someone would tell me that it all will be fine,
And that one day control of my life will be mine.
It hurts me to realize how different things are
From that day long ago when I wished on a star.
When my dreams were just forming and my heart was still pure,
When hope was eternal and my future assured.
I wish someone would tell me that dreams can come true
That my heart is not broken and hope will win through.
I wish someone would tell me that it's never too late
And that some things are held in the hands of fate.
I want to believe things will turn out all right
And that, no matter what, I should keep up the fight.
I want to be cherished, to feel loved and secure.
But each day comes with sadness that I have to endure.
I wish someone would tell me I have nothing to fear,
And that one day the confusion will all become clear.
I wish someone would see me for the person I am
And not as a pawn in their great master plan.
For now I will dream and forget all my doubts,
As you never quite know how life will turn out.
I'll hold onto the hope that my dreams will become real
And the love that I crave, I'll eventually feel.
I wish someone would tell me it's worth all the pain,
And that there's always a rainbow after the rain.

I'm at a point in my life when I have to be sure
Of the choices I make, more than ever before.
Nothing is easy and it never will be,
But my life involves others who are precious to me.
I've made lots of mistakes every step of the way,
And I pay for them dearly with each passing day.
I wish I could change things and dispel all the pain
That I've caused other people again and again.
I have to make sure my dreams are not heeded
And help those I gave life to as long as I'm needed.
I am a mother first, my kids are my life
And second, I am my husband's wife.
I'm ashamed of the way I've behaved in the past.
hoping for friendships that could possibly last.
But I've done it all wrong and I'm paying the price.
And now I have more to sacrifice.
I've tasted the joys, the sins, the excitement
But I have to avoid the road of enticement.
My life is not over and my time will come,
My priority now is to be a good mom.

To start the day with a sleepy yawn.
To rub your eyes and curse the morn.
Reluctantly put your feet on the floor
Wishing you could sleep some more.
Doing the things you always do
On auto-pilot all day through.
"You look tired," just falls on deaf ears
It's been the norm for too many years.
Just making it through the day is a feat
without actually falling asleep.
Existing, not living. Too tired for pleasure
The effort required is too great to measure.
Judgement is flawed, emotions are high
Sometimes it's all you can do not to cry.
Each hour seems so long as you crave your bed.
Just longing to rest your weary head.
But then, all of a sudden, your brain is alert.
Thoughts running riot, reliving the hurt.
Tossing and turning all through the night
As your body refuses to give up the fight.
Exhaustion takes over with minutes to spare
Until the morning alarm cuts through the air.
And so it all starts again, each day back to back.
This is the life of the insomniac.

Tomorrow is a distant dream,
So very far away.
I think about it constantly
As I struggle with today.
Why does it seem so perfect?
Like nothing could go wrong.
When today is fraught with problems
And each hour seems so long.
The sun will shine tomorrow
And the air will smell so sweet.
The smile upon my face
Will touch everyone I meet.
I go to bed each evening
With the struggle at an end,
But when I wake up in the morning
It all begins again.