I don't even know
What to say anymore
What to do
How to feel.

I spend my nights crying,
Hoping no one comes through the door
And sees my feeble tears.

I'm not strong anymore,
It's taken over
And there's nothing I can do to stop it.

You're like the sweet smell of rain,
The petrichor falling upon my lips,
And you never cease to keep me in awe.

The delight of you is strong,
But you never stay long enough
For me to fully appreciate
The feeling of your presence.

So next time you greet me,
Stay,
And let me show you what it's like
To roam the earth so whimsically.

I lost my sharpener blade recently
In tall, thick blades of grass.

So I guess there is something else out there,
A second unknown nature.

And I hope it's trying to save me
Because I'm not trying to save myself.

It embraces me
In its autumnal efforts,
And braces me
For the forces to come.

In the lightest times,
In some of the darkest days,
I am welcome to so many,
Yet I only see some.

I begin to fog those summer days
And the events in the midst,
The woodland animals come into view,
But I miss the grasshopper's hum.

In between the auburn leaves,
The glow of warmth still sets,
As I watch the end of summer die
And brush it under my thumb.

I'm an eccedentesiast
Don't blame me
I can't help it.
And I prefer to see other people
With smiles across their faces
Rather
Than a blood-smeared etch on mine.

Lost the thought
Lost the touch
I guess words don't work anymore.

No more classic romanticism
All we have is empty space
And we're letting the night soften
As we piece ourselves together and

My only friend is vertigo
Or a wandering shooting star

But when all is gone I have a heart
And I'm a carousel all through
Whirl off into my head so sombre.

So hold me
As we tumble down
And meet my carousel end.

No need for a bow and arrow,
There's no colours in these winds,
Her clothes don't fit in here
And there's nothing joyful she can sing.
No lakes to cross
Just ******* to toss,
Barely anything is green.
Because around the streets of London
No one like Pocahontas is seen.

She's looking for her John Smith,
Someone kind, strong, bright.
But considering everyone she's passed on the street
There's just no body in her sight.

I love those mornings,
Rolling between the sheets,
Tenderly drifting in and out of light sleep.

Wasting a day for pure enjoyability,
Meaningless conversations
Being the meaning of the day.

Baking and dancing and doing whatever we want
With icing sugar dusting our eyelashes
And a glow settling on our cheeks.

All reminding me
Of the beauty that I saw
When we stargazed the night before,
Sitting carelessly on the velvet moonlight,
Only caring about each other.

Dreams are made of these moments;
Moments that I get to share with you each and every day.

We shared our dreams that night,
However quirky and aspirational they may be,
And we lit them in the stars
To make them shine a little brighter,
Like your smile on a rainy, pointless day.

We, the Midnight Wanderers
Take pride in our nocturnal sensations,
Stalk the moon in its exposed manner,
For we gain comfort from its loyalty,
And wish we lived upon its lies.

My iridescent mind
Is no longer subtly out of control.
I've passed the point of madness,
Overthinking
Until I reach the brink.

Tucked under the paranoia
Is the key to my relief.

Disbelief and trust issues
Seeping from my brain
Into the depths of my lungs,
The pit of my stomach,
Brimming my heart.

But the key is lost
And can never be found,
For my iridescent mind overrules it,
And keeps it as a weapon
So the mind can live,
As I so delicately fade away.

Seeking the sunrise,
Hiding in shadows,
Compressing the moonlight
Into your pocket

Because who knows when we'll see it again?
Pictures
Of what may never come back.
What we loved,
Lost,
Hated.
They last a lifetime

Like my tears
on your shirtsleeves.

I'm in need
What of I'm not sure
I can't even write anymore

The words all blur into one

I'm losing touch
And I'm so sorry I could never say
Words are hard to decipher
In a mind of clouded dilemma like mine

You know when you feel replaced
But there's nothing you can do?

Petrifying

My soul cannot cope
With a world like this anymore.

Don't fall in love with someone
Who says things that blossom your mind,
Heal your scars
And make you believe again.

fall in love with someone
Who misses you at 2pm in the afternoon,
When life is dragging them behind,
And all they want
Is your arms wrapped around their neck.

love that person.

fall in love with someone
When they're staying up with you,
Because you had that nightmare again,
Living restless days for you,
And showing you that they lust for you.

fall in love with someone
When hearing them say your name
Flutters your heart,
That no one else's voice sounds the same
Or their touch caresses your skin.
You'll know you've found the one.

fall in love with that person.

She was so young,
So vulnerable.
A beautiful soul
Trapped in a naïve shell,
Slowly being hollowed
By the aggressive core that she lived in.

She didn't deserve this.

She shouldn't have been in the wrong place
At the very wrong time.
Maybe it was fate.
Maybe she did deserve it.

She was self obsessed.

You're better off ignoring me,
As soon as you talk to me
I latch on,
Become reliant on you.
And as soon as you leave
I blame myself,
Because I'm simply not good enough.

But I can't help it,
That when I'm shown attention
I grasp it
And as soon as you leave
I shall spend my nights
Hoping that you'll talk,
Show interest in me again.

But then I'm scared
I don't want to talk,
What if it goes wrong?
What if you realise I'm not right?
What will I be getting myself into?

So show me you love me, boy,
And commit to me like nothing else
Or don't show anything at all.
Because as soon as you show me
That you're more than a friend,
And I show you my flaws,
There's no going back.

And I will be left alone,
Me and my helpless attachment.

It does not matter
Where you are,
Who you are,
What time it is.
There will always be something
That will completely
Obliterate your breath,
Refrain you from speech.

Engross your eyes
On the view.

I don't belong here
my mind is
WAY
too obscure

Spontaneously enjoying culture
Not of yours.
But discovering new possibilities,
Encapsulating fragments of memories
In that disposable camera
That only works if you press really fast.

You were the one
Who left me shattered,
Resembling a useless mirror.
But apparently you,
You were the one
Who was left high and dry.

But you were the one
At least I thought you were.
Undying happiness
Swiftly left for sorrow,
The comforting words you spoke,
Soon to be daggers
Slicing with devastation.

You were the one
Who had me hooked.
Who changed me,
So even useful mirrors left me blind.

Your were the one
That I had to let go
To save myself.

You were the one
Who left me broken.

Yes sometimes I do still miss what we had,
Sometimes I do think that I was wrong for letting go.

But then I remember how you treated me,
All the pain you so knowingfully caused me.

And then I realise I moved on without you.
How right I was doing so.

I still keep that photograph we took on our first date,
The one I treasured in a picture frame that you gave me for Valentine's.
I still look at it sometimes
See how happy I was.

I kept it

Because I hang on to my souvenirs
Because I like to remember my past

Because now you're just another memory.

Just breathe.
I know she takes your breath away,
I know your admiration
Lies in her presence.
But why her?
Why not me?

And you know that shatters me,
Me and my heart until,
Very slowly,
Nothing becomes of me.

So next time,
Next time you forget
To overwhelm those lungs of yours,
Please let it be for me.

Let me subdue your thoughts,
Vanquish your love for her,
Be inevitable,
And even breathe for you.

Your heart is your work of art,
Your skin a canvas,
Your whole presence a figure
For creativity.

Some take it for granted,
Some can't help but admire
It's natural beauty.
So much that they cover it up.

It is yours.
Free for your content,
But people use this canvas
In very different ways.

Maybe to be original,
Maybe to attempt freedom,
Maybe to escape.

We are all masterpieces that aren't quite complete.

I need to feel you
With your arms encasing me,
Our fingers entwining,
Without a word passing
Your oh so young lips.

I need your long, wistful gaze,
Just catching my glimpse,
Flipping my stomach,
Forming butterflies
That are so out of place.

I need to have the chemistry,
As I long for your love,
Your touch,
Your warm kisses
Lingering on me
Ever so delicately.

But then
I need to hate you,
Your careless ways,
And the empty passes by
We so briskly deny.

I need to open my eyes
And see that none of this is true.
Am I too dramatic?

After everything
You still capture me.
You shouldn't, my love,
Let me be.
Let me go.

You live in colours that don't exist,
Unlike my twilight soul.
Yet we are so familiar
With the inhumane species
That leaves us in wreckages.

Our midnight cries will be sook
By the naïvety of tomorrow's embrace,
And we will be left stranded on the shores
Of our own despair.

The eternal wonder
Of being above,
Among the suspended clouds
And who knows what else.

No clue where you are,
But the distant memory
Of where you once were,
Not necessarily your destination.

Pure significance of being stranded,
A vision of blue
Flooding through your veins.

I'm entitled to an opinion,
That's what they said.
But with their quality of recognition,
I'd may as well be dead.

They said I'd get better
That they'd stop the voices and their deafening shout,
However I know that this will never happen,
And that actually for me,

There is no way out.

Whether it comes from your eyes
In distress,
Tasting as bitter as your feelings.

Or from the vast ocean
That you will never swim to the other side of,
Looking as endless as the pain
That you so innocently prescribe yourself.

I've cried,
Used a mask,
Lost feeling
And felt too much.

I've overslept,
Under slept,
Starved
But even binged.

I've cut,
But was too ashamed
To let it heal by itself,
So that I quickened the pace.

I've almost drowned
In more ways than the one,
Unfortunately for me
Neither quite hit the spot.

I've tried so hard,
To beat the pain
By my own means,
But my inflicted pain
Never hurts
Like the pain I didn't ask for,
It just made me more numb.

When we're living
We might already be dead.

When we're dying
We finally feel the pain
Of being alive.

So what does it mean?
Life.
Is it what you do with it?
Or some secret code
That no one knows about,
But could be lingering right in front of us?

Do we have to know ourselves,
Find ourselves,
Or be totally oblivious
To finally know
The meaning of life?

Whether they are spilling blood
Into the bathroom sink,
Or showing their cold- coloured flesh
Beneath your worn skin,
They will always be there.
And always have those feelings
Whether he's near or far.
Even if you chose the fate.

Even if he wasn't there
When it did occur,
They both flamed
With anger,
Hate,
And emptiness.

And that's what filled my veins,
When they stung relentlessly
In the showers that lasted lifetimes
And glowed in the heartbreak.

They never gave in,
Even when I did.

No body shall see them
Until you let them in,
If you let them in.

No body shall see
These delicate little marks
That are so filled with anger.

The cracks begin to show
In such an unwilling way,
That they submerge you.
Immerse you.

Until you cannot see the other side.
And all of the beautiful flowers
That once bloomed
In your scintillating mind,
Slowly faded,
And fell to a significant death.

That is when the cracks begin to show,
Because no longer is there control.

It's no longer the love confession
Of her luscious eyes.
It's the secret obsession
Of telling secrets that die.

From spilling her lustrous ways
To confiding in the strangers,
Of whom you'll never greet.
Is that what we've become?

Creating words
That will still be read,
When the depths of their lungs
Will no longer be able to breathe,
Those precious words
That once were the release of feeling,
Through their delicate lips.

The saddest thing
Is when they show you a million reasons,
Even a trillion reasons
Why you shouldn’t hold on.

But you do anyway.

They exposed you
To how bittersweet an encounter could be.

And it changed you.

You ignore all the red flashing lights,
As they try to dazzle you from the most painful hazard.

Rejection.

What, did it make you feel lucky?
To finally have your secret person of interest,
Be interested in you?

You become the girl who knows her worth
But chooses to ignore it.

Why?

I guess we’ll never know.