I'm sitting in a strange man's house reading, "stranger in a strange land",
     and resisting the idea that I am another on a strain of poor
         marginalized Americans.

I'm a night janitor at an elementary school that goes unnamed.
The kids smile and run past without a second thought.
My boss doesn't ask questions for his own reasons, and I
    just want my story to be heard.

My girlfriend is curled up on the futon behind me, and I'm wondering
     how I got so lucky.
There's a Francisco De Goya **** hanging above this overtly
     post-modern desk, and I'm eating at the soup kitchen tomorrow.
I stay inside most days, wrapped in a blanket, not realizing until too
     late that it's actually warm, and that the AC is turned up way too high.

Perched under the cat's meow,
a **** lady flashes above my head.
With my hand on a smiley, and my eyes across the street,
I focus.
These streets are full of victims,
and she's not going to be one tonight.
Hurricane smiles squat next to me, and we're being eye-balled from
    across the street.

It's time to go home.

To center the chaos,
And calm the screaming in your head.
To teach you,
To survive without.
Without shame, without remorse.
To teach you,
To serve.
Without fearing the burns.
Without fearing the binds.
Without fearing monsters in your bed.
To teach you,
To find peace in empty valleys.
To find love in sinful places.
To find courage in a rope,
A knife,
A gun.

To teach you,
To remember, and forget.
Remember your place in my arms.
Remember your oaths around your neck.
Forget the physical and the mental scars.
Don't forget the anger.
Don't fear the burn.
It'll keep you warm.

To teach you,
To find a purpose.
A purpose in pain.
A purpose in agony.
To find courage,
In a rope,
A knife,
a gun.

To teach you,
To cry.
With a Rope,
A knife,
A hug.

To teach you,
To be the girl I know you are.
"Beautiful, Intelligent, Capable" (Say it every day..)
Until you stop saying it,
Because you know,
You are.

The people need a villain.
Someone to hate, the loathe, to look up to.
A captain hook, a long john silver, a BlackBeard.

The people need a villain.
To justify their own strange existence.
Sitting at their cash registers, in their grocery stores,
wondering if they're doing the right things.
They see the news about the school shootings and feel better because
      no one wants to shoot them.
An Eric Harris, A Dylan Klebold, A Jeffrey Weise

The people need a villain.
Someone to tell them stuff they don't believe.
To rally them, **** them, and **** them,
Cause they haven't the nerve to do it themselves.
A Bush, A Cheney, An Obama.

The people need a villain.
Someone to love, to idolize, to fear.
God forbid we take our own chances, and maybe come out a villain,
      when all we ever looked for was truth.
A Thompson, A Bukowski, A Kerouac.

I'm not sure if this is going to be a letter or a poem, but it's important you understand why I forsake your type of love.
If I say, "I don't believe in monogamy" you give me those eyes.
Those predator eyes.
Those judging eyes.
The ones that want to own me.
The ones that have been taught that love is one woman and one man.
The ones that are looking for a child.

So I tell you instead, that I simply believe in love.
I don't believe love is limited, contained, or restricted.
I don't believe love is deceitful, broken, or abusive.
I'm not willing to lie to you.
Because I love you.

There are others.
There  have always been other.
There will always be others.
And they are as much a part of me and my life as you.
As much a part of us as the skin on your face, or the blood in my heart.
I want you to meet them.
I want you to like them.
You don't need to love them, I'm not looking for a *******.
But You do need to respect them.  

I don't want you to look at them with those eyes.
Those predator eyes.
Those judging eyes.
The ones that want to own me.
The ones that have been taught that love is one woman and one man.
The ones that are looking for a child.

I can't have children.
Not by accident or cosmic design.
It was by choice.
I've decided that instead of making a living from my art,
I want to make art by the way I live.
I want to travel.
I want to learn about everything and everyone.
I want to hear your desires, your dreams, your fears.
I want to help them come true.
I want to help you overcome.
I want to know the one thing you've never told anyone....ever.
I want to look in your eyes and know you understand that you can have me, all of me, and I will give it freely, but you still have to share me.

I can't look into those predator eyes.
Those judging eyes.
The ones that want to own me.  
The ones that are looking for a child.

When property came into existence, so did monogamy.
This is my philosophy.
You are not property.
I want to know every part of you.
Every thought, every caress, every loving and poisonous deed.
I want to know your past.
I want to be there in your present.
I want you to see me in your future.
But I do not want to own you.

I want to look into those eyes.
Those predator eyes,
And Know,
That even if you can't understand it,
you can see,
my type of love.

I told her I am somebody new this year.
Someone with a story to tell.
Someone with something to write about.

Last year I was a drug addict.
The year before that, I was a drug dealer.
The year before that I lost all my money gambling.
The year before that I tried to be a gambler.
The year before that, my sister picked me up in front of a greyhound station.
I didn't have any shoes.
I was trying to be a hobo.
The year before that I was trying to be an artist...or an alcoholic...whichever one drinks more.
The year before that I dropped out of college.
The year before that I tried to be a college student.
That year.
The year I started writing.
The year my words started to flow.
The year I had a teachers love support me to the point where I left school to go support myself by writing.  
That year, I tried to be a writer.
But I didn't have anything to write about.
And she said, "go try new things."
"Go be somebody new."
"Go be someone with a story to tell"
she told me, "Go be someone with something to write about"