I got sober and bought a bonsai
tree
It came with a beautiful
stone ***,
heavy and painted

I browsed the internet for tips
on how to properly care for
it
I watered it and let it grow
for a year
I bought shears,
to start shaping it

A stranger was in my house
when I got home from the store,
trying to unplug my PS4

I picked up the bonsai tree
and broke the *** over his head,
while his back was turned

He died a week later,
in the hospital

And I've been clean ever since

My eyes smolder to the point of atrophy
as my teeth fall out,
like little yellow pebbles

I worry that I won't be able
to think of anything
clever to say
And I realize that, probably,
I've never said anything clever
in my life

Every night,
the moon withers

I want you to see these two
One is clever
and dark
The other is earnest
and bright

These two men struggle
against each other,
for the same goal

Dark and clever, Ish
Earnest and bright, Sen

Sen was always the strongest
They would drink together at the bar
and Sen would always fight strangers in the alley outside
Ish would light a cigarette and watch
pushing his mop of black hair
out of his eyes
and grinning

One night it was raining,
with violence in the air like static
electricity
Sen was drunk and the bar was empty
except for those two

Let's fight
Sen said to Ish
Okay

They went outside, in the rain, with lighting spreading through the concrete

Sen was stronger by far
But Ish was quick and graceful

Sen swung and missed
and again
and again
Ish waited
Eventually Sen slowed
Ish landed one on his jaw
He was so fast
Sen went down,
hard
But Sen didn't quit easy,
He got up and landed one on Ish's nose
It broke, blood flowed like a faucet
Ish took a knee,
and smiled,
Okay

Ish lit a cigarette and Sen helped him up
They walked to the hospital together
On the way Ish noticed that Sen was missing a tooth,

They walked together
each envious of the other
and the rain kept on

Smoke
     a smell
         of smoke
      smelling smoke
    a smell of smoke and
the view of my backyard with all the broken engines and rusted cars that nobody cared enough about to do anything with and
                           a bluish arm hangs out one of the car windows and I can almost see the cigarette I was smoking
that night out in that husk of a car so my parents wouldn't see,
       I had lived here all of my twelve years in this ivy covered house and I remember
                  the day my brother overdosed and died in his ****** sleep
and
      the night my sister snuck out the window to meet her boyfriend,
cover for me she said
                                           Okay I said
                                          Whatever I said
                                        No, I'm going out
I remember living here and having friends over
             smoking **** for the first time
             playing videogames
             feeling angry
I'm angry now, feels like I've always been,
angry,
anger but feeling it through a curtain
can I feel or touch or,
                                         I need to try
                       my baseball bat
                      here it is
  and I hold it,
it's aluminum but I can't quite feel it
but it doesn't matter cuz I can hold it
and if I can hold it I can use it
I can bash that *******'s head in
    and before I leave I wonder if he could see me
but it doesn't matter
                                          I can see him