She's back.
This time,
I know I'm alone.
The electricity in her touch,
Is now the power she still wields over my heart.
It's the intensity in her glare,
And the shame and humiliation I feel.
The pain hearing the words,
It's over...
Months in bed.
My mind reaching out to touch her.
This pain swirling around me no longer in my minds eye but dominating me.
Destroying me.
It almost stopped the beating of my heart.
I wish I could have dissipated in the æther.
My senses have yet to return.
Tears still stream from my eyes.
I mist her perfume in our bed at night.
It gives grounds this ghost as I try to sleep.
I lay awake and hope I don't see dawn.


(I was once asked what the bravest thing I've ever done was.

If I had to answer now I'd say. ..
Live)

;

To thirst for the infinite
Only proves infinity.
As I try to fight this feeling
I know all things must end

I dream of the Serpent
That I've slain the Mighty Lion,
Solved the Mystery
of all mysteries
Just to set this world on fire

What occurs above
so reflects below
Knuckle under thumb
Hand across your throat

I dreamt an angel sounded his trumpet
A great star, blazing like a torch
fell from the sky to poison the water.
And its name is Wormwood.
And the waters turned to bitter,
People dying from the thirst
I sat in judgment Heart unmoving
Sipping bitters of wormwood
Wormwood ×3

Sit and watch as the world burns
Seas are boiling as they churn
Like the bile deep inside
Ashes falling before my eyes
In the streets people cry
On their knees looking to the sky
All around their churches burning
Wormwood set their world afire
 
Am I awake
or really dreaming
Am I alive
Or Am I deceased
Have I succomed
To this believing
That all beginnings
Must have  an end
Am I here now
In this void
Or home safe
Asleep in bed
This nightmare
Feels so real
Exhaustion
Fogging up my head
All this suffering
Pain and Gore
As five points
Become one
I stand now
On the shore
A sea of madness
I've come undone
I've come undone
I've come undone
I've come undone

Awaken in the dark
Struggling to breath
Heart racing
Thumping pulse
Terrible thoughts
And lack of sleep
Blinded by dark
You control your panic
As you gain your faculties
You hear your own voice whispering

You are not alone.

YOU KNOW I AM...

ALPHA AND OMEGA
BEGINNING AND END
YOU CAN'T ACCEPT
THAT YOU CAN'T SEE

PRESCRIPTED, FAKE
LOST AND DROWNING
ALLOW ME TO SHOW YOU
THAT ACCEPTANCE IS KEY

VOIDS ONCE FILLED
WITH WHITE LIGHT
IT IS THIS NIGHT
SHE SHOWS THE WAY
TO SHED THE DARK
TO BECOME LIGHT
RETURN TO FIVE
THIS IS JUDGEMENT DAY

FILLED WITH SHADOWS
NOTHING CAN HELP
BLACK AND GREY
WITH BURSTING SEAMS

THE END IS NIGH
NOW'S THE TIME
BRING YOUR FRAILTY TO LIGHT
SOON YOU WILL SEE






VOIDS ONCE FILLED
WITH WHITE LIGHT
IT IS THIS NIGHT
SHE SHOWS THE WAY
TO SHED THE DARK
TO BECOME LIGHT
RETURN TO FIVE
THIS IS JUDGEMENT DAY

THE EMPTINESS UNFILLABLE
BRING ABOUT THE END OF DAYS
 ALL ALONE IN THE DARKNESS
RETURN TO LIGHT
SHE KNOWS THE WAY

THIS IS THE END
AND A NEW BEGINNING
TIME TO REPENT
AND ACCEPT YOUR FATE

THIS IS THE END
EVERYTHING IS CHANGED
 YOU KNOW I AM
ENDER OF ALL THINGS

VOIDS ONCE FILLED
WITH WHITE LIGHT
IT IS THIS NIGHT
SHE SHOWS THE WAY
TO SHED THE DARK
TO BECOME LIGHT
RETURN TO FIVE
THIS IS JUDGEMENT DAY

YOU KNOW I AM....

FOLLOW ME INTO DARKNESS
ANCHORS HAVE LIFTED WE'RE AWAY
COME AWAY WITH ME
IT'S TIME TO FIND AN ENDING
CAST OFF AND BRAVE THE STORM
WITH RECKLESS ABANDON
REACH INTO MY DARKNESS SMOTHERING YOUR INNER LIGHT

FEEL THE MONOLITH SWAY
THIS COULD BE THE END OF ME
I SCREAM
AS I LOOK UP
INTO THE SKY.

MY COMPASS NO LONGER NORTH
EVER LOST MYSELF ON THIS JOURNEY
NOTHING LEFT ASHORE CROSSES MY MIND
NO ONE WILL FIND ME

OR THE BLOOD SICK BEAST INSIDE
RAVAGING IT'S HELPLESS PREY.
I'M OUTSIDE MYSELF
LOOKING DOWN
UPON THIS SCENE

UNABLE TO STOP WHATS COMING
THE MESSY END
SHATTERED PIECES FALLING DOWN
HEAD REELING IN A TAILSPIN

STARE INTO THE REELING FACE OF MY OWN DARKNESS
I'M TASTING BLOOD
ON THE LIPS OF DEATH.
AS MUCH AS I WANT IT
I CANNOT JOIN HER.

FEELING THE GROWING URGE INSIDE
CREEPING IN ON ME
I HEAR THEIR GNASHING JAWS AS THEY TRY TO CONSUME ME
FEEL THE OBILISK DECAY
"I CAN'T SAVE YOU NOW."
BUT YOU ALREADY KNOW THIS
TO BE TRUE

I CANNOT SAVE MY SELF

I FEEL THE SHORE PULL ME IN FROM THE TOSSING WAKE
OF ETERNITY

AS THE TIDE COMES IN
LIGHT SHOWS AGAIN
I SIT BESIDE THE MONOLITH AND I'M PONDERING...

"WHAT HAVE I BECOME?"

Come on, oh yeah It'll feel good
Just step forward And confront death
You know you should
There's an end to all this pain
There is a clear way out
An escape from this place
It will help, theres no doubt

This voice
inside my mind
It gives me no time
And it has a hunger for me
I'm
Losing my mind
I'll do it this time
You need to know
That I'm not joking

The thought
Of it makes me sick
With no will to live
You need to see
How im feeling
I've had
About enough
Of times that are tough
I'll let the darkness rule me

Anxiety
I want it out of
Every little crevice
I'll take the pain
that's in your mind
And pour it into me
Now do you see
That I can bear it
Alleviate
All your troubles
Pour it into me
I'll take it in
Like i take in breath
Pull you from the void
Out of this darkness
Back into the light

I want it out
I need it out
I cant point out
Or figure out
I want to live
Just let me in
Can't fit in. I'm
Filled with sin

X2
Re
(joshua)
Into this light
Back into this light

This voice
It can be controlled
And i will be strong
Even though it is pleading
Live
I've done nothing wrong
I've heard its sweet song
I can't give in
to this darkness

The sound
Of it makes me sick
Just push through and live
Holding it together
On high
I look to the sky
Just wondering why
It is that
There are believers

Anxiety
I want it out of
Every little crevice
I'll take the pain
that's in your mind
And pour it into me
Now do you see
That I can bear it
Alleviate
All your troubles
Pour it into me
I'll take it in
Like i take in breath
Pull you from the void
Out of this darkness
Back into the light




I want it out
I need it out
I cant point out
Or figure out
I want to live
Just let me in
I cant fit in
I'm filled with sin

(Back ups)
Into this light
Back into this light

Come on, oh yeah
Don't it feel good
Just stepped forward
To confront death
And I knew you could

I want it out
I need it out
I cant point out
Or figure out
I want to live
Just let me in
I cant fit in
I'm filled with sin

(Back ups)
Into this light
Back into this light

ALL THAT REMAINS
WASHES ASHORE
MY MASSES AT MY FEET
BEG MY PARDON
BUT THE BEAST I SEE
IT IS SO GREY AND LIFELESS

BUT THE FEAST I SEE
IT IS SO GREY AND LIFELESS
I FEED UPON THEM
BLINDED BY YOUR LIGHT
AND THE BEASTS I SEE
THEY ARE SO GREY AND MINDLESS
I FEED UPON THEM
BLINDED BY YOUR LIGHT

RETINAS BURNT OUT
BURNT OUT BY YOUR SON
I WILL NOT GAZE UPON HIM
I CANNOT GAZE UPON HIM

RETINAS BURNT OUT
BURNT OUT BY YOUR SUN
I WILL NOT GAZE UPON YOU
I CANNOT GAZE UPON YOU


THESE BROKEN MACHINES
SENT HERE TO GATHER
ALL EARTHLY
REMAINS

Solo


Little children, it is the last hour;
and as you have heard that I am coming,
even now many before me have come, by which you know that it is the last hour.”


BUT THE SOULS ARE MINE
COLLECTED TO PAY MY DUES
FOR I WILL CROSS OVER IN COMFORT

ON THE BACKS OF THE BROKEN

SEEKING THE DARK
TO SOOTH THE HURT
AFFLICTED BY THE LIGHT
WE ARE BUT CROP FOR THE HARVEST
LAID AT THE FEET
OF THE DIVINE
RICH MEN BUT A MORSEL
THE GODS GROW FAT
FEEDING OFF OUR LIVES
BUT NEVER FILLED
SEATED IN LUXURY
LOOKING DOWN UPON US

~SPOKEN~

WITH SIGHTLESS EYES
WE SIT EXPOSED
GREY AND LIFELESS
BEGGING THEIR PARDON
WE ARE THE FEAST
WASHING ASHORE

All the words are like broken glass.
They cut like razors.
As you try to reassemble something once beautiful

THEY'VE COME TO HAUNT ME AGAIN
AND IT TURNS OUT THE SAME

I DREAM OF BARREN PLACES
FULL OF LIFELESS BEINGS
AND A SCORCHED SKY
LIGHTS THE GREY STAGE
WHERE OUR STORY’S SET

BROKEN MEN POLICING
ALL OF THESE WEEPING CHILDREN
THEY ARE THE ONES WHO BURNT THE SKY

Awaken in my bed
And life feels so grey
Dreams stirring in my head
It magnifies this waste
Land streched out before me
The truth about my life
Leaves me feeling empty
Leaves me so ******* barren

AMONGST THE RUBBLE
A SONG BIRD SINGS
A SONG ABOUT ME
ABOUT MY LIFE

All the words are like broken glass.
They cut like razors.
As you try to reassemble something once beautiful

They've come to haunt me again
And it turns out the same

WHERE IS MY SKY
THE ENDLESS BLUE
I DON’T WANT TO FLY ANYMORE
HERE I WILL STAY UNTIL I WAKE
FOR I DREAM A DREAM
OF A LIFE IN SHAMBLES
AND THAT SADLY
RESEMBLES MY LIFE

All the words are like broken glass.
They cut like razors.
As you try to reassemble something once beautiful.

It leaves me feeling barren

IN MY DREAMS I'VE SEEN MY DEATH
RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES
I FEEL A WEIGHT LIFT OFF MY CHEST
JUST BEFORE I DIE
LIKE CHILDREN CRYING
TEARS OF BLOOD
HUMAN DECENCY DIES
FLOODING VISIONS OF THE END
FLASH BEFORE MY EYES

A SMILE ON MY FACE
A MIRTH THAT WILL NOT FADE
I WATCH YOU FAIL
AS YOU WALLOW IN YOUR SUFFERING
I WANT TO ENJOY THIS
HOW COULD I NOT
I WANT  TO LAY BACK AND ENJOY THIS

(chorus)

UNDER THE SURFACE THE ANSWER LIES HIDDEN FROM THE WORLD
IN THE STREETS THE PEOPLE CRY DECAYING PROPHETS HAD THEIR TURN!

AND I FADE AWAY
LIKE YOU FADE AWAY

A CREAKING IN THE DARK
EVERYTHING TINGLES
EVERY SCENE FROM EVERY FILM
FLOODING YOUR THOUGHT
BLINDING YOUR MINDS EYE
YOU FREEZE WITH PANIC
AS YOUR HEART SLOWS
YOU GRASP REALITY
 
FOOTSTEPS IN THE DARKNESS
YOUR HEART PLAYS A TATTOO
TUNNEL VISION
A COLD SWEAT RUNS DOWN YOUR BACK
YOU TRY TO CALL OUT
BUT WORDS THEY STICK IN YOUR THROAT
GAUNTS COMING CLOSER
JUST OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR

THE **** TURNS
AS THE DOOR SLOWLY CREAKS OPEN
YOU COULD DIE FROM TERROR
STARING OUT INTO THE DARKENESS

FOOTSTEPS IN THE DARK
HEART PLAYS A TATTOO
TUNNEL VISION
A COLD SWEAT RUNS DOWN YOUR BACK
YOU COULD DIE FROM TERROR
STARING OUT INTO THE DARKENESS
HAS YOUR MIND BROKEN
OR DID YOU HEAR YOUR OWN VOICE WHISPERING

YOU ARE ALL ALONE...

They say lifes short
But this is a lie
It's the longest thing you'll do
Till the day that you die
It's all about choices
You win some you lose
Depends on the pathways
The routes that you choose
This poems not to scare you
Or keep you in line
It's to encourage  enjoyment
Of all of your time
I hate poems that rhyme
Like old mother goose
Or wrap up to cleanly
Like olde hangmans noose
So from this here poem
Take what you will
Or continue your own path
Which can be such a thrill
And with this last thought
I bid thee good bye
They say life is short
But this is a lie

AS I LAY IN BED
WILLING MY HEART TO JUST STOP
I PAUSE AND THINK, WHY?

REWRITTEN AND EDITED
LIFE PLAYS BEFORE US
CLIPPED AND GRAFTED
THE REELS TURN
THE ENDING YET TO TRANSPIRE
AND STILL UNKNOWN
AS IT FLASHES BEFORE US
WE ARE ENTRANCED
HYPNOTIZED BY FANTASY
LOST IN A WORLD
THAT CAN NEVER EXIST

CIRCLES ENCOMPASS ME
PULLING ME APART
ONE EDGE GRAZING THE OTHER
TRAPPED BETWEEN TWO ZEN PLACES
WHY DO WE CHOOSE THIS?
BECAUSE WE ARE BROKEN

THE WORLD SWIMS AROUND ME
FEELING THE GRASP OF AN OLD FRIEND
THE IMPOTENT REELINGS OF REALITY FADE
INTO A SOFT WARM EXISTENCE
RELEASED NOW FROM HARD REALITY'S
FREE FROM LABOURED THOUGHT WORDS FLOW
UNSIFTED BY MODESTY
LIKE A JACKAL LAUGHING AT THE ****
IN A STUPOR I GRIN
SWIMMING IN MY ENTRANCING GLOW
BROKEN STRINGS OF THOUGHT
TIED TOGETHER WEBBING INTO VASTNESS
I DO NOT FEEL
INSTEAD I RADIATE
VIBRATING AT A MUCH LOWER FREQUENCY THAN THE THE NORM
SADLY WITH EYES WIDE SHUT IT DAWNS ON ME
NUMBNESS IS THE NEW HIP STATE OF BEING
AND THOSE I JUDGE ARE MY COACHMATES
ON A JOURNEY TOWARDS OF MY OWN UNDOING
SELF SABOTAGE IS MY DEPRAVED MANTRA
CHANTING "EVERYTIME" WON'T SAVE ANY OF US
AS WE LANGUISH IN OBLIVION
NEITHER HERE NOR THERE
WATCHING IN ANTICIPATION
A BLOSSOM BLOOMING
A DEATHS HEAD HATCHING    
THE RANCID SWEET SMELL OF FAILURE SURROUNDS ME
AS I REALIZE
IT ALL GOES DOWN FROM HERE

SHREDDED MEMORIES
LIKE UNWANTED PHOTO'S
THE EMPTY ALBUM CAST ASIDE
NO MORE FEIGNED NOSTALGIA
LET IT GO
WATCH THE SHREDDED REFUSE BURN AWAY
AS I FORGOT WHY
I TOOK THE PHOTO'S IN THE FIRST PLACE

THERE'S ELECTRICITY IN HER TOUCH
AND THE SCENT OF HER STIRS AROUND MY BED LIKE A GHOST
I CANNOT HOLD HER
I REACH FOR HER IN THE DARKNESS
HER HAIR SWIRLING AROUND ME IN MY MINDS EYE
BEGGING TO FEEL HER WEIGHT ON ME
TO ABSORB THE PULSE OF HER POUNDING HEART
IT SLOWLY DISSIPATES LIKE SMOKE
MY SENSES RETURN
MY DREAMS CRUSTED IN MY EYES
I LAY AWAKE AND PRAY FOR DAWN

A SMILE ON MY FACE
A MIRTH THAT WILL NOT FADE
I WATCH YOU FAIL
AS YOU WALLOW IN YOUR SUFFERING
I PRAY FOR SILENCE
"SHHHH!"
I WANT  TO LAY BACK AND ENJOY THIS

IN MY DREAMS I'VE SEEN MY DEATH
RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES
I FEEL A WEIGHT LIFT OFF MY CHEST
JUST BEFORE I DIE
LIKE CHILDREN CRYING
TEARS OF BLOOD
HUMAN DECENCY DIES
FLOODING VISIONS OF THE END
FLASH BEFORE MY EYES

IT WASHES OVER ME NOW
THE DRUG IS QUICK
LOSS OF PAIN
LOSS OF REALITY
LOSS OF FEELING
LIKE ICE IT ALL MELTS AWAY
MEMORIES OF A SWEETER TIME
LOST IN A DAZE
NO MORE PAIN NOW
LIKE A DREAM
I KNOW IT ENDS
FOR TOMORROW I WAKE

EMPTY
A VOID TO FILL
*****
SUBSTANCE
NUMBS THE HURT
*****
CAN'T WATCH THIS
WON'T
YOU FLY
I STAY GROUNDED
FILLED WITH REGRET
LOST AND HAZED
IN THE NEVER ENDING STRUGGLE
TO TRY AND GET AHEAD
AND THE LAST PLACE IN THE WORLD
I WANT TO BE IS
HERE

TWO FACES
COMEDY
TRAGEDY
A PERFECT BALANCE
NOT ONE WITHOUT THE OTHER
WITH EVERY TRIUMPH
A DEFEAT
IT'S ALL SCRIPTED IN THE END
THE WAY WE SHOULD FEEL PRE-WRITTEN
SOMEONE ELSE'S SIGNATURE ON OUR LIVES
LIVING A LIE
AND THE ONLY WAY TO AVOID DRAMA
IS TO DROP OUT OF THE PLAY

THE ACRID STENCH OF ***** INVADING YOUR NOSTRILS
IGNORANCE YOU THINK AS YOU FLASH BACK
ONE OF YOUR OWN
CAN'T HELP BUT SMILE
BUT QUICKLY HIDE IT
WHO THE **** ****** IN A STAIRWELL?

ALL THAT REMAINS WASHES ASHORE
MY MASSES AT MY FEET BEG MY PARDON
THE FEAST THAT I SEE
GREY AND LIFELESS
I FEED ON THEM
BLINDED BY LIGHT
RETINAS BURNED OUT BY YOUR SUN
I CANNOT GAZE UPON YOU
THESE BROKEN MACHINES
GATHER ALL EARTHLY REMAINS
BUT THE SOULS ARE MINE
COLLECTED TO PAY MY DUES
FOR I WILL CROSS OVER IN COMFORT
ON THE BACKS OF THE BROKEN
I SEEK THE DARKNESS
TO SOOTH THE HURT
AFFLICTED BY THE LIGHT
WE ARE BUT CROP FOR THE HARVEST
LAID AT THE FEET OF THE DIVINE
RICH MEN BUT A MORSEL
THE GODS GROW FAT
FEEDING OFF OUR LIVES
BUT NEVER FILLED, NEVER PLEASED
SEATED IN LUXURY
LOOKING DOWN UPON US
WITH SIGHTLESS EYES
WE SIT EXPOSED
GREY AND LIFELESS
BEGGING THEIR PARDON
WE ARE THE FEAST
WASHING ASHORE

"FOLLOW ME INTO DARKNESS" HER EYES SAID.
AND IT FELT AS THOUGH MY ANCHORS HAD LIFTED.
"COME AWAY WITH ME" SHE SILENTLY PLEADED.
SO I CAST OFF AND BRAVED THE STORM WITH QUICKENING PACE.
REACHING INTO DARKNESS TRYING TO SMOTHER MY OWN INNER LIGHT, I FEEL THE MONOLITH SWAY.
"THIS COULD BE THE END OF ME" I WHISPER LOOKING UP INTO THE NIGHT SKY.
MY COMPASS NO LONGER POINTS NORTH AS I LOSE MYSELF IN THIS MOMENT.
NOTHING LEFT ASHORE CROSSES MY MIND.
AND I'M LIKE A BLOOD SICKENED BEAST RAVAGING IT'S PREY.
I AM OUTSIDE MYSELF LOOKING DOWN ON THE SCENE UNABLE TO STOP WHAT'S COMING, THE MESSY END AND ALL THE BROKEN PIECES THAT GO WITH IT.
BUILDING MOMENTUM AND FALLING INTO A TAILSPIN I CHOKE BACK MEMORIES OF THE MAN I ONCE WAS, AND STARE.
I STARE INTO THE REELING FACE OF OBLIVION.
I TASTE BLOOD ON THE LIPS OF DEATH.
CLOSE AS I AM TO HER I CANNOT JOIN HER.
I FEEL THE GROWING URGE CREEP IN ON ME AS I HEAR THE GNASHING JAWS OF THE SWEET END POUNDING IN MY EARS.
"WHERE IS MY COMFORT?" I SCREAM WITHIN MY OWN MIND.
HOW WILL I GET BACK ASHORE?
LOST AT SEA I DRIFT BETWEEN WORLDS.
"I CAN'T SAVE YOU NOW." BUT SHE ALREADY KNOWS.
MY TALE FINALLY REACHES ITS ****** AND I AM PULLED BACK FROM THE TOSSING WAKE OF ETERNITY.
AS THE TIDE COMES IN AND LIGHT SHOWS AGAIN I SIT BESIDE THE MONOLITH AND PONDER...
"WHAT HAVE I BECOME?"

WE WILL NEVER BE GONE FROM THIS PLACE
WE THE WELLS OF KNOWLEDGE
ARTISANS POETS AND PERFORMERS
A PIECE OF US YOU TAKE AWAY WHEN U LEAVE YOUR SEAT
A LINE THAT STICKS IN YOUR MIND LIKE THE SMELL OF A WOMAN (EVERYTIME)
NO ONE WILL SAVE A SEAT FOR THE PERFORMER
THEY EXPECT US ON-STAGE
TO POUR OUR HEARTS OUT TO THE KINGS OF MEN AND THE QUEENS OF QUEERS
LAST TO SEE THE STORY SET BEFORE US
FIRST TO KNOW IT'S END
WHEN IS THIS END
REREAD THE SCRIPT
FIND THE MORAL
CONVEY THE MESSAGE
MAKE IT COUNT
I WANT TO BE WHERE YOU ARE
BUT MY TICKET DOESN'T HAVE A SEAT NUMBER ON IT
I STAND BEFORE YOU
YOU LOOK THROUGH ME
AS THOUGH TO SEE RIGHT THROUGH MY FAÇADE
I MOVE LIKE FLUID THROUGH ALL THE MINDS OF ALL MY CROWDS
I SPEAK TO YOU
IF U HEAR ME
REALLY HEAR ME
YOU ARE MOVED
AND THIS MOVES ME

SAVE ME A SEAT

breathing softly in the night
I feel her move
this reminds me that I am still alive
seems like a feat
against all odds still fighting
the way sleep fights me now
at this moment
all seems possible
she could even save me

I AM

FILLED WITH SHADOWS

OF GREY AND BLACK

VOIDS ONCE FILLED

WITH WHITE LIGHT

WHERE DEMONS NOW LURK

THE EMPTINESS UNFILLABLE

USING VICES TO GET BY

ALL ALONE IN MY DARK PLACE

I HIDE

OUT IN THE OPEN

YOU CAN STILL SEE ME

BUT ARE YOU REALLY LOOKING

REALLY

I DREAM OF BARREN PLACES

FULL OF LIFELESS BEINGS

A SCORCHED SKY

LIGHTS A GREY STAGE

WHERE OUR STORY’S SET

LITTLE BROKEN MEN

POLICING WEEPING CHILDREN

AMONGST THE RUBBLE

A SONG BIRD SINGS

A SONG ABOUT ME

ABOUT LIFE

WHERE IS MY SKY

MY ENDLESS BLUE

I DON’T WANT TO FLY ANYMORE

HERE I WILL STAY

UNTIL I WAKE

FOR I DREAM A DREAM

THAT SADLY RESEMBLES

MY LIFE