I’m a victim of my own mind
Can’t leave the past behind
No matter what I can’t hide
From my thoughts, from what’s inside
Caught myself in some kinda noose
The more I struggle the harder it is to get loose
Lost in a world of coffee rings and rain
Wake me from my dreams, great disdain
Wanna stay in my imagination
Holding onto the bittersweet pain of realization
All the while trying to convince my conscience with positive psychobabble
Bound to my superstitions, can’t break this spell
Pulling myself in deeper with this haziness I hold onto
In love with this beautiful mess I’ve gotten into

Curled up in the mold
Where you usually lay.
Inhaling your cologne,
Trying to get through this day.

I couldn’t be quiet,
Foolishly I spoke my mind.
Took our love for granted,
It made me blind.

Feel like I’m crazy,
Been so lost in my head.
You think it’s better
To leave things unsaid.

But your shoulder’s been cold
And your words have been few.
What I want more than anything
Is to melt into you.

I fear your pain and what
You’ll do out of spite...
Because I’m trying to make
This work with all my might.

I lay here just to pass the time by
Imagining for a second what it’d be like to fly

Music so deep under my skin
No one understands, it’s a blessing and a curse to live in

So deeply rooted in the flesh of my being
Pull me away, rip out this passion and I’m just not being

Wanna scream out these notes inside
A melody without a harmony, I’ve died

I feel so beautiful when I’m alone
But when people are looking my feelings are unknown

Even to me, this music screams
Read between the lyrics, behind the scenes

I don’t know where
I’d be without you now,
but I know I wouldn’t
be the same somehow.

I haven’t always done
my best by you,
but you stuck by me
through and through.

Your love, loyalty, and strength
always cease to amaze me.
How do I tell you thank you
adequately?

The day came where I watched
you start slipping away,
and I started to think about
what I’d say.

Words and memories
you started to lose.
I saw it on your face;
shattered, bemused.

And all I want is to give you
your years back.
I see you helpless,
starting to crack.

It breaks my heart
and it scares me too,
to watch this, what
you’re going through.

It upsets my stomach
thinking about this.
Life’s recent events
have my mind abyss.

You’ve left an imprint
on my heart,
no matter what happens
we’ll never be apart.

It’s tough for me,
I know it is for you.
I’m gonna do my best
to be whatever you need me to.

Sometimes I hate myself, because I hate the words I let slip out of my mouth. Thinking I should share my feelings but my openness somehow goes south.

Sometimes I think my love is too strong. But is that a crime, is that so wrong?

It hurts so bad when promises turn up empty. The end result leaves me feeling so abysmally.

I want so bad to give and be my best, but tell me why, so often, I feel repressed.

All I need is to feel sought-after, treasured. Yet sometimes it seems like my needs never mattered.

I give so much, and for what? Things always get twisted, leaving me feeling like an idiot.

I hate that I have these thoughts at all. How is this the life we’ve come to befall?

I’m trying so hard to give you your space. I’m trying so hard just to save face. You make it so hard for me to abstain. All I want is your affection, to your disdain.

I’ve never known love like this before. You always leave me begging for more. I’ve given in and given my all. The choice is yours, it’s now your call.

I’ve compromised so much for you, but at some point I also need you to. One minute you got me feeling so high on life, the next I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this strife.


Sometimes I feel so empty and ugly. When I open up you seem to dismiss me. You know how I feel but you don’t appear to care. If that’s the case, what do we really share?

You’ve got me spellbound, I can’t deny.   These waves of emotions got me acting so awry. But I don’t want anyone other than you. So I’m at a loss, I just don’t know what to do.

I’m biting my nails
And I can’t sit still,
You’re sighing,
Telling me to chill.

I’m biting my lip
Cause the tears start to surface.
Things are unsettled
And it makes me nervous.

I can’t stay quiet,
Gotta tell you how I feel.
I wanna be with you forever,
Never known something more real.

It’s killing me that
Things have gotten this way.
All I wanna do
Is take your pain away.

You’re pushing me away
And I don’t blame you,
But I just want
To pour my love onto you.

I hate myself for
Letting this happen.
I’m grasping for reasons
To be forgiven.

Gonna do whatever
I can to make you smile.
Cause that means we forgot
Even just for a while.

I wanna hear that laugh
Ringing in my ears;
Wanna hear it for a lifetime,
For years and years.

I wanna feel your skin
Brush against mine,
Bury my face in your hair,
I wanna fall asleep entwined.

I’m gonna do whatever I can
To make things alright
Because if we’re not together
Nothing in this life is right.

To an outsider this looks easy. You don’t understand the importance of accuracy.

You’ve never seen the terrors of lows in the night. You don’t understand that my blood-curdling screams aren’t a fight.

When the hallucinations come you won’t know it’s DKA, you’ll just laugh at whatever goofy things I say.

You can’t relate to the pain on my fingers tips, or the hurt in my heart from ignorant others in relationships.

You can’t fathom the literal pain in my skin, from an unstable A1C I’d been living in.

You’ll never know the fear of dying in your sleep, or the night terrors when your low slumber is deep.

Or how about the shame of my body scars from years of injections? It makes it hard to accept words of affection.

I’m mad at this world that says they’re here to assist. They say they’ll put my concerns on their list.

Their “acts of kindness” only apply to those with money. Content with their charity they live on in harmony.

Trying to find words
to evoke something from you.
The right words
that don’t seem
desperate or obsessive.

You’re so silent
And I an open book.
But I need you to know
that you hold me together,
that you’re all I want.

Constantly on my mind,
I’m bursting at my seems.
I need you like air
and the sun
kissing my skin.

I want your words
of assurance just the same.
I want to see your lips
shape my
name.

I want to know
that you feel
the same ecstasy
that you give
to me.

I’m craving you
always;
every day,
every minute,
every second.

Not only your touch
but I crave
your presence.
Just to feel your aura
right next to mine.

And there aren’t enough
words, or quite the correct
ones to describe how
you make me feel. Tell me,
how do you keep this all in?

It’s ironic
That the whole world sins
And you think
You have some right to condemn

Let he who’s flawless
Cast the first stone
Everyone’s walked away
And you’ve wound up all alone

How do you feel
Now that you’ve been left behind
This time you thought
That we were intertwined

But all the while
You’ve been wrong
Guess you have been
All along

All I’ve ever wanted
Is for you to look at me
But I’m done trying
To make a blind man see

It doesn’t matter what
The rest of the world tries to say
You’ll only see things
Through your eyes, your way

In your own words
Only the strong survive
So I’m done trying
To keep you alive

I’ve noticed you’ve been eyeing
That stone in your hand
That’s why I won’t speak up
You’ll never understand

I’m Im slipping under and falling behind
So much going through my mind

Numb, I couldn’t figure out what I needed to say
So I just go through what’s hurting me in solitude each day

Life’s not, no, I’m not turning out the way I planned
It’s okay, that’s life, people say but they don’t understand

How could boys be so cruel
They threw me around and played me like a fool

Left alone in the end
Yet with them still, under my skin
Embarrassed and ashamed of what I’ve become
What have I done, what have I done

At the end of the day I have to face me
Looking at myself I hate what I see

Maybe he was right...

Put on a fake smile everyday
My soul feels broken
Heavy with the burden of this weight

Unsettled now in my heart
Cruel words and cruel intentions
An addiction keeps us apart

Not sad, just angry now
But no one knows me
They all believe the facade somehow

I just don’t understand
You’ve been so mean
All the while I held your hand

...there must be something wrong with me

Holding the pieces of myself together
Don’t wanna live like this forever
So much pressure’s building up
Beautiful girl in a life that’s rough

I keep screaming and reaching for you
But I can’t figure out what to do
All I ask is for a little attention
But I fear I’ll never have your affection

I feel like I’m watching us from outside
Yet I’m feeling all the pain inside
You rely too much on my sincerity
Playing dangerously close to insanity

Stumbling and falling down
But you’ll never see me frown
I won’t let you see that side of me
You’ll never see that I get weak

Want so bad for you to see
The struggle going on inside of me
We’re going through this cycle again
Is this ever gonna end

You know me so well, yet not at all
You’ve seen me when I’ve been so raw
But you just stare past me
Is this all we’ll ever come to be

One by one days go by
Growing angrier with this lie
Where you pretend everything’s okay
When we both have things to say

Trying so hard not to let the world see
How deeply you’ve cut me
Everything you say or do
Breaks me and affects me too

This pain inside
Gets harder and harder to hide
I tell myself it’s not my fault
I’m just a victim of your assault

There’s so much I could say
But you’ll never listen anyway
I feel like I’m falling apart
Ugly words being thrown at my heart

I realize you’ll never be there for me
Not the way I want you to be
No pride in this victory, it’s hollow
This life is tough, how do I let go

After being around you I gotta step out
Find myself again, what I’m about
Holding on because my blood’s tied to yours
But these genetics are too much to endure

Pushing on the accelerator to get out of here fast. I don’t want this moment to last. I look for answers behind me, in the mirror. All I  see is what’s looking back at me, what I fear.

I don’t want to live up to anyone’s expectations. My ways will be my own annihilation. I’m my own hero. I’ll get through this alone.

If I can’t save myself I’m not worth the fight. You only ask questions for an insight. You don’t know me, I’ll break your pride. We’re not red, we’re blue inside.

Look at how little we really know. Unanswered questions, nothing to show. There’s no such thing as a final goodbye. No one can escape what lies inside.

We all create worlds into which we can escape. That’s how it’s been from the start, brainwashing is ****. Crushing, nothing ever happens just one time. So keep living in the perfection you mine.

How does it feel to be adored like you are? You know in the darkness you’re my guiding star.

Wherever you go I will follow you. Whatever you ask of me I can’t say no to.

All I want is to breathe you, take you in. Your soft touch puts goosebumps on my skin.

Your voice moves me in ways I can’t explain. Your passions, I want so bad to obtain.

I’ll put you first, before I put me. I’ve never done so, so adamantly.

It’s more than your beautiful laugh, smile, or eyes. Everything about you has me mesmerized.

It’s your humor, your mind, just your general presence, the way I feel around you, your overall ambiance.

Just my thoughts of you take my breath away. I wanna be your forever, I’m here to stay.

See I’m in love with you in every way imaginable, so much that I don’t even care if it’s reasonable.

You are my beautiful melody
You are the sweetest of symphonies
You are the drug that keeps me sane
You keep me from getting lost in my brain

Cause that happens sometimes,
I try to vent in all these rhymes
But at the end of the day it’s only you
That can pull me up out of these blues

Don’t be mistaken, I’m strong on my own
But I don’t want to do this alone
And truth is you’re the only one I choose
Without you is too much to lose

All I want is this life with you
I’ll do anything to see it through
I wouldn’t have things any other way
So if you’ll have me, forever I’ll stay

Your words, they cut me hard and deep. You only approve when I act like your sheep. I know you’re hurt, this has hurt me too. It’s been hell, that you all have put me through

It’s been a while, since I felt words like this. You always had a way of stealing my bliss. Where has it gotten you, this hate and rage? You don’t see it’s locked you in a cage?

Despite my efforts it’s like my feelings don’t matter. Your words and intentions leave me shattered. Who are we now, I can’t help but wonder? Sometimes I just see you as so immature...

I’m left with this **** that no one can fix. I’m almost fed up with all your dramatics. You always end up just being mean and cold. What value did our relationship ever hold?