The constant conundrum of growth
of learning to question everything you know,
of sifting through your mind and wandering your eyes
to budding ideas that were once below
the surface of your mental garden,
only seeds that had yet to sprout
ideas that were silently planted
until the waters of conversation eased them out.
Yet do not fear your newborn buds
as they reach taller than your familiar stems.
Your garden is free of weeds,
and the new will never choke out
who you've always been.
Nurture your mind with sunlight,
and watch your flowers thrive.
Explore every idea, for
your garden is alive.

You're taught to analyze, right?
You're taught to look closely,
to mentally shed light
on the hidden truths
inside.

This lesson in its essence,
when applied to your own presence
in this life, traps your heart
in endless scrutinization of
who you are.

From the way you speak your words
to your crinkled, smiling eyes,
simply studying your being
can transform it into
what you despise.

But you are the obvious beauty
and you don't have to search for more.
How intricately you examine
will not change how
you're adored.

i am
who i am
and i want to stop trying to be
the am that i am not
because the am who i am
is unique from every other am
and there is beauty in
my am just because my am is
mine

I wish that I could take away
the lies that pulse through your veins.
I wish there was a way to say
that your identity remains the same
even though you feel this way
and somehow make the truth stay
for more than just a day.
I wish for you always.

What if the world told our stories
exactly as they are
Rather than
what we wished they would be.
What if we didn't romanticize.
Would we feel more free?

What if contentment was valued like gold
and our minds and our bodies ceased to be sold
to the expectations of what is not and what will never be.
Would then we feel more free?

We say we don't want to keep lying,
but we're striving and trying and crying and
Dying.
We tell ourselves that we can't just be
because we constantly search for a fantasy.

Your value is not determined
by what you've done or what you will.
Your reality matters,
both the loud and the still.

So maybe for a moment
you can let yourself breathe.
Just for a moment.
Get swept up in your story.

Rest
NO TIME
Breathe
NO SPACE
Trust
NO GRIP
Love
NO ENERGY
Commune
NO BELONGING

But He says,

I am your
Time
Space
Grip
Energy
Belonging

You will find your lack of
in my love

broken.

that's what it feels like at first
when the shock and the change intertwine
in bursts

you don't know how to fix
what shouldn't be fixed
but you want so badly to fix

because they meant so much
they have a hold on your heart
and when you truly understand the loss
it hurts too deep to even keep
in touch

stop pushing so hard
when they don't push for you
it may feel wrong, but
there's only so much you can do

step back for a while
and let the ouch start to fade
rest in the fact that you were
fearfully and wonderfully made

it's gonna take some time
but this will pass like the weather
our God always provides
and loves us back together

whole.

I find myself
afraid to ask for relationship
afraid to muster any sense of
reluctance or hesitancy
in the ones I love
to become another chore on a list
a responsibility
instead of a desire
but yet I'm
afraid to not ask
afraid that if I don't say a word
I will be forgotten
because I question if I was really
wanted by those loved ones
in the first place
or if I was a burden
from the first time I let myself
ask