It was the end of September

you in my bed,

you were still in a relationship

it felt wrong, your boyfriend at home was missing you

and now you were on top  a new guy

which was me.

for some reason i didn’t stop you,

  no other woman i had before ever wanted me so badly.

maybe there is a god.


the first night she pulled my pants right off,

fondling my ****** ****.


She kept playing with it, wouldn’t get hard, asked if I had a problem.

"No, it’s almost 5 in the morning and I’m too tired to get it up."

I killed the cat that tried to rip my ***** off with his baby claws

Moon is lit

the garbage is out

I feel dreadful and lonely
I feel smiles and laughter

Sad time changing always in the clouds the baby is crying and the mother is out of milk.

A waterfall where people have killed themselves diving down in the rocks

At 9:24 am the garbage is gone
and the next night it will already be filled

She had Egyptian eyes and I loved looking at them,
her eyes were my favorite thing about her.
That body that was always against me. I miss that touch.
She was the definition of beauty.

Jazz muse
Rock muse
Classical muse
Blues muse
All the muse in the world.

How the loneliness drowns,
how you are never near now,
and I feel fine with the piano
Playing in the background.
inside my room and the sun
Is out I am peeling away
I am hiding feeling blue
With side fears eating me
Inside
The music plays
The loneliness is here to stay
I type you a poem
That you will never read
while the wolves in the forest starve
The birds throw up their meal
The fish die from poison lakes
you are sleeping in a dark room with no one and I am alone as well

Words won’t save you
Only you can save you

Words help but fade
Of mud stuck in the shoe
Scraping it off right away.

We all can dip in the sea
Of reality and sink and see
That some are frowning with money
All around them
and others eat bread and water
Without giving up.

Little girls die in woods
and the molester gets hanged

All little things happening
Right now behind you in a
Sphere of water and dirt.

Your green grass shines.
Others grass burns slowly,
Dries and dies slowly.

When will I reach fifty?
This world seems already dead.
What world looks away from help
something is wrong with
Some people.
Something is wrong with me
Some days.

who now sleeps in your tides of a body?
now I give up
The bed,
The food,
The time
Lives.

I don’t think heaven is here
I don’t believe in your god
Take me away to
another soft tide of a body
The milk shades in rooms

naked people on streets
The homeless finally smile.

Lost with nothing in my pockets
and love through my body

I drink some wine
I eat some chicken and other foods

Where did the peace go?

my sister is dead,
and that hit me hard.
my baby sister is dead
and that got to me.

I ached for death too when it
happened.
got depressed.
Wrote poems that would’ve
put me in a psych ward.

No angels tonight in heaven.
No heaven at all.
just the night sky,
the night and I alone tonight.

In the news,
a man beats a dog with a hammer,
and it seems the rapes and the killings
didn’t make the deadline and
were cut out for that day.

the road was closed
and there was an accident.
a bad ****** accident.
where blood was hanging on their faces.

Sadly I didn’t feel anything
someone’s family was dead
and I was listening to the radio, bored, ******.
thinking about how this
accident happened.,
and the road closed.

but we got through an hour later.
life returned to normal

The head of Caesar,
with drops of rain,
and drops of defeat.

my head hurts,
I feel sick, and
I’m starting to get a bad
coarse cough.

Now today the people
are afraid to grow old.

I fear my mother still seems to act like a 20 yr old.

she is 40.
doomed for sure I am some day.

I was mad,
I grabbed her door and shook it hard.
I was ******.
Cherie came rushing at me,
screaming
"GET OUT.”
ohh I’ll be out soon darling.
I got to my room, still ******,
and then the bad sorrowful feelings came.

I felt sick and I felt bad,
I couldn’t call her.
never call a woman when she is out of her place,
leave them be.
the next day you will hear from them.

but this was mostly my fault
I didn’t know what to do.
I always think-I  know the answer,
but really I know nothing.

if you are good with words you are bad with numbers

if you are good with numbers you are bad with words

I’m working on this story about nothing,
and I know it’ll never get done.
I’m not ready for novels,
I haven’t lived yet.
Living with her 24hrs a day.
You don’t need to starve
to get anything done.
Help is everywhere.
Smile while death is crying above from the eruption of happiness

Elizabeth

Last Year you were five

and now in four years

you will be ten.

and still in the ground

you will be.

and the only way to see your

face is with the only framed

baby picture on  the wall.

I was trying to write 200 poems in one day.
I hadn’t slept and I felt like I was
going insane.
what to write,
there is everything to write about,
and this poem will do now, and I
don’t even know why I was
trying to write 200 poems.
Nobody has heard of me,
and these won’t get me a pay check.
a big pay check to survive alone
and live.
I couldn’t stop
and I was asking myself?

what the hell was the point?
don’t give up though.
"don’t try" like the old bull said.
what to do.
what to do.

I felt good and was smiling,
smiling at the people,
mostly the girls.

you know the pretty ones.

when you feel good,

you don’t want to hide from the pretty ones,

you look at their bombing blue eyes and smile and say hey.


smiling at the people who I
usually can’t stand,
i don’t like them and I don’t
want them around.

I felt good, not beating myself up
over nothing.
the mind was finally at its edge of peace.
The craziness has faded out of my heart
and now maybe I can love again.

The night is always a good time for
Eating,
killing,
*******,
And other crimes.

Now living on my own, she wasn’t there beside me anymore.
Sometimes this was good, I slept better alone.
Why was it whenever I wanted to sleep,
the one that left me always got upset when I wanted my rest alone.
“Babe, I told you I sleep better by myself.”
“Yeah… I know.”
“don’t worry, tomorrow I’ll be a new man. Surprise me in the morning.”
The next day, the sun woke me up.
She wasn’t there, she didn’t show up.
I smiled, and went in the bathroom to take the greatest **** in the world.

I hurt.
myself and others,
while the lions break free.
I am a little bird dying
in its nest,
and giving up.
A bird trying to fly,
and hiding from the
other birds.
I am a tough bird
who doesn’t show much,
but I don’t understand
how they see the sadness in my face,
how do they see it?
I gave up once trying
while the lions broke free.
The male birds sing in their
heads at night while
the lions can actually sleep.

The way I see the world

Little parts I’ve lived in and visited

Too many people in trouble

Too many people with a goal that leads to nowhere

Some smile with so tiny effort

Cause they already gave their soul away

To the country

They seem to love

The people my age

don’t have a clue on how to live

some go down under the edge

and eat their life apart

some try so hard to make it

that they throw the chance of living away

and when they finally have that chance

they crash and burn

and that there are as many lonely people out there

like you and me

some think they are different but there are many others who think they are different too

don’t be ashamed to think about  suicide

because i think about suicide

just like a million other people

and you can see I’m still here

and you are too.