Alone..


People have irrational fears. Some people are afraid of balloons while others are afraid of clowns or spiders or some other minute thing that can’t really hurt them..

But loneliness..that fear is real. That fear is in every single human being that has ever taken a breath.

From the time you are a child going to bed in your own room for the first time with just a small beacon of hope that is your night light to the 20s 30s 40s or until you find “the one” you fear being alone.

We are designed to be with others. When  Adam was created in the Garden of Eden surrounded by the most beautiful wonders that we cannot fathom..even God Himself said “ it is not good for man to be alone” and he created Eve.

From the dawn of time we have had this innate  desire for companionship. Over time it evolved from a desire to an obsession from an obsession to an addiction and from an addiction, a fear of being alone

Fear is natural. Fear helps you discern what is right and wrong. It helps guide to make choices dependent on your surroundings..

But when you feel like you are surrounded by nothing and no one..you can’t help but be scared and in your weakened state allow that fear to overcome you..

So you cope. You surround yourself with people. Anyone you can find. Often times people who are toxic for you but show you even just a hint of attention or acceptance and you crumble to the fear..

They aren’t that bad..at least they talk to me..he doesn’t  hit me or she tolerates me..
This is the fear of being alone speaking directly into your ear directly into you choices directly into your actions..

Rather than be alone you would put your own well-being both physically and emotionally aside and live a miserable life with people you don’t even love..but at least your not alone..

Years go by and you are chiseled away to mere pieces..so you move on..or they do.. but either way you have to pick up those pieces and glue them together and head out on your own..

Fragile and brittle because of past hurts you start to think you are better off alone. Who would want the burden of picking up my pieces and helping me keep myself together..

No, it’s better this way..if I’m alone there can be no disappointments or broken promises of love that should have taken away the sense of loneliness you’ve felt for so long..

Does it exist? Does feeling like you are truly with someone actually happen? Or have we all been conditioned to put on our masks, force a smile and be “ a part” of the group?

Masks start to get heavy and cheeks get tired.. you look in the mirror and relate to the only one who truly knows you..how you really feel.. how alone you’ve become.

But there is always that night light..when you close your eyes you can see that there is still hope..

It seems so far away..but you can feel its warmth.. all the while fear is standing behind you and as you look across bridge built of the past speaking a false sense of undesirability and reminds you of the pain that you’ve felt when you tried to just not be alone..

The light starts to fade..your mind is telling you to run..RUN! Now while you still have a little strength left..run into the warm embrace of the people who have been standing outside your wall but because you did not build any windows you almost missed them entirely..

You do not have to be alone..you are not alone..you just have to push past the fears and insecurities and embrace what you have been longing for for so long..to not be alone..

Life..

Life is such a funny thing with so many forms. with the roller coaster ride of emotions. The internal desire to be loved. To be wanted. To feel like you have a purpose in...
Life.
One second you feel like the world is at your finger tips. Nothing will bring you down and nothing can stand in your way...then
Life.
It’s so ironic that so many people lived just to die. And so many people died just trying live..
Life.
When life throws you lemons, you make lemonade...that’s what they say.
But what if you can’t find water or sugar?
Most people..most people don’t make lemonade..most people just get a sour taste in their mouths when the take a drink of  this..this..
Life.
We  don’t like the taste so we drink something we think will make us happy but still use the lemon juice as a chaser to the things that we truly enjoy and just maintain that bitter, sour, unwanted taste..
Life.
Those little things that we find so minute and insignificant are all of the sudden what we are trying to hold on to as we watch them slip through our fingers because this happens it’s just...
Life.
When things start to fall apart a little at a time..the promotion went to someone else..you’ve started to gain a few pounds..or worse..you lose someone you love either by Life’s cruel older brother or worse yet..to someone else’s...
Life.
Don’t let life pass you by..that’s what they say..all the while more and more distractions fill up your line of sight and start to eliminate your vision of what this life is supposed to be like..if I only had that..
Life.
that grass on the other side looks pretty green..until you see that it’s been painted and really it’s an ugly mess of thorns just disguised as roses. Cliche as it might be it’s true, you just don’t realize it until your hands and your heart are already scarred.
Life.
One day life will get better..that’s what they say..but why? Why does life always have to get better? I don’t think life can get better than what you have it’s just about how you perceive what life is..it’s enjoying what you have while you have it and not just living in the moment but in the moments. Plural. For life cannot be summed up in just one single moment..
Life.
It’s like a drug...you experience the “best days of your life”...and you chase that high..that sense of euphoria from “the best days”...always wanting to live in the past so you end up tripping and falling over your future..
Life.
Life is full of memories. Memories are important..without them you’ve learned nothing..but living wanting to be in the memories as great as they may be only hinders you from living in the moments..not to say you forget..if you forget the good you will only know the bad..if you forget the bad you will not know how to cope with being hurt..if you forget them both you will not know how to live this..
Life.
To summarize what Life is..it is a wild ride..you laugh you love you cry you hurt you sing for joy you scream for more all the while wishing you could have or could’ve...
Life.
A rambling novel full of endless pages of empty words and broken promises sprinkled with moments of indescribable joy and happiness..those are the moments you hold onto those moments where you think “this..this is the life” and everything else seems so small..this is what it’s made of..this is..
Life.