I had a child in me, I realised,
when I fought with you like one,
with my eyes shining, a wide smile,
and a laughter breaking out...

Didn't think twice before I blurted,
couldn't care less of what lay ahead,
out came the bottled up excitement,
with just your presence near me...

Felt what happiness in real is,
shared whatever was in the mind,
talked for hours straight with a smile,
what more could I ask for...

If this isn't love, tell me what is..

Dragging each day to the moon like a heavy stone,
Wishing all of this was a stupid dream,
Hoping I would hear you when I wake up,
Passing time's been a struggle without you...

Smiling stupidly at our old memories,
Crying myself to sleep cause that's all I've got,
Knowing you'll never return back to my embrace,
Passing time's been a struggle without you...

Talking as if you were howering me,
Walking into a crowd of smiles as if you were beside,
Sitting on a bench with my head tilted as if on your shoulders,
Passing time's been a struggle without you...

There is no wound that time doesn't heal,
Why then, is it getting harder to breathe?
Like a rope tightened around the neck slow.

Smiles, laughs, and memories we shared,
doesn't seem to dim the pain and remorse.

Another day ends in darkness,
with the same routine beginning,
of soaking the pillows with tears,
whispering words of comfort to myself.

The ticking of the clock,
and soft noises piercing into my ears,
makes me want to scream my lungs out,
but I just struggle to silence the next sob.

And on nights like these,
I wish I could join you, wherever,
bringing an end to the pain engulfing me.
Just can't find the strength to seek the unknown.

Carols sounding all around,
Lights hanging like little fireflies,
Smiles, chattering, and laughter fills the air,
A good aura and aroma spreads around.

All of this, I once held dear, does not,
fill the void, that you left me with.

The more I seek answers,
the more tangled my thoughts get.
You left to find a happier place,
and it haunts me that it wasn't under the same sky.

Like how a shoot sprouts from earth,
each day, a thought emerges in my mind,
Of the coulds and shoulds and if's,
Even though I know they are all in vain.

Like a tiny splinter,
stuck deep in the skin,
You are in my thoughts,
every minute of the day...

The ones who care,
they try to help me get it out,
But I keep pushing you deep,
not ready to let go ever...

It hurts, and I have run out,
of tears to shed and words to say.
But you are safe within me,
never judged or blamed...

I wish upon the shooting stars and on every 11:11,
that you'd come back with your radiant smile.
You are in a place, no one's come back from,
I can only wonder if you are fine and wait...

They took away my sunshine,
Far away where I couldn't reach.
Without an endless sky to fall on,
the light slowly started burning low...

The next I know,
he was wrapped in white cloth,
and lowered deep into the earth,
But this time, it was his choice...

Family and friends, they care,
showering words of comfort.
This burden, though, I cannot share,
it dwells in my heart alone.

The one I could share with,
left me, with the guilt and a void,
If only, he had realized,
the weight he would be leaving with.

Words in my mind lingered there,
like the warmth after a sunset.
Longing to depart from my lips,
but in a battle with the mind.

Buried the words in my heart,
wrapped up with the pain.
Those words would have saved you,
If only I'd known the power they held.

Shut my eyes tightly,
to return to where I was,
a secret escape to be with you,
A place no one will ever know.

Far away from reality,
wonder if it's really a dream.
Or after desperately searching,
did my soul find you.

Sleep is all I want now,
where I can meet you.
I don't want to lose you,
I try not let go of my grasp.

Waking up, my mind is already longing,
to meet you again,
to talk to you endlessly,
to hold you lovingly,
all, in my dream.

Never weaved dreams with you in it,
but the walls I built tumbled down with you.
Knew there never was a future for us,
and so pined for the clock to be still.

With you gone, darkness encompasses me,
emptiness is all I feel to my bones,
Can't find a reason to go on,
And neither can I give up on this life

Millions of words unsaid,
and ones I whispered ever so softly,
they swirl in the air,
as my heart hope they reach you.

Laughs, pranks and fights we could have shared,
are now dreams I wish we could have spared.
Each day the thought sinks deeper in,
that my love could have stopped you from leaving.

Never ceased loving you,
wished I was allowed to pour it out.
Your smile fills my memory always,
a comfort amidst the wrenching pain.

Frozen memories are all that remains,
to soothe the aching of the heart.
All the words you said remain etched in my memory,
but I long to hear your voice.

You had your own reasons to leave,
and now, I can find none to live.
You gave an end to your never ending suffering,
I doubt you knew it would be the start of mine.

The questions, confusion and guilt,
they engulf and weigh me down.
But I pass each day,
Hoping, yearning and wishing,
to join in an embrace, my love.

I was forbidden from talking to you,
I was hated for loving you,
I was despised for being your sunshine.
But not once did my heart stop beating for you.

Hurt so much and cried much more,
but found comfort in knowing you were not at war.
But you hid from everyone your battles,
and gave in when you couldn't take it anymore.

Going places used to fill me with joy, 
But now my mind is also at peace when it's with you...

My mind knows it won't last forever, 
But the heart cries - just a little longer??

Embracing each moment as if it were precious, 
Losing ourselves and turning a little too zealous... 

Searching for silly reasons to fight, 
Just to see each other's eyes so bright...

Endless conversations we had, 
but the long silences made us even more glad...

Stealing a little time, buying a little while, 
Just to see your face and the radiant smile... 

Nights seemed longer, days seemed to fly, 
And I was getting closer to the days I would cry...

I simply wish we were meant to be together, 
or that we had met a while earlier...

You weren't written in my destiny, 
but the little time with you was just so heavenly...

You weren't what the world would call perfect, 
But what could I do, when the hearts did connect...

I went with the flow, as the world said, 
little did I know about the tears we would shed...

Now your mind is in a turmoil, 
and my heart is hurting with the coil...

A word of apology is all I can say,
Though all I did was love you in my way...

I knew the words that would have made you stay,
Just didn't know you were planning to go this way.

Only thing I wanted was for you to be happy,
never did it cross my mind that you would seek it so not aptly.

What great a worry would have been on your mind,
that made you finally decide that death would be more kind.

Someone's words would have bought you solace,
or would it have made your mind more of a maze?

Maybe that maze would have led you home,
But you decided that you wanted to do it alone.

You let know no one inside that mind of yours,
thinking that no one would have the cures.

We should have seen the hints,
but you had prepared all the scripts.

Now, we sit here lost in thoughts,
trying to untie the knots,
seeking to realize the ought's.
Sorry, my friend.