Luck

Is it floating around us
Waiting to be picked up?
Maybe inside us
Stifled by life

They said 'you're lucky'
Did they know what days of suffering
Were being endured
What guilt
What shame
Neglected kids, no satisfaction
From what seemed like heaven

Now it's clear
Beer
Selfishness
Don't talk to me as if I'm stupid
Am I the clever one?
No
I'm the fool for letting it be that way
For not seeing
For not living
Just blind

Lucky? Me?
What do you think?
Do you judge me?
Bring it on. I am strong
He has made me strong
But weak, as weak as water
No luck.

Not for the likes of us

I feel alone
Distance is my existence
Why can't I get close
And feel warm and safe
Why do I shun
The 'one'

Evenings of silence
Nights of avoidance
The shudder of a touch
In the morning
Too much

Nothing's enough
What do I want
From this life event
Til death do us part
When?

Maybe soon
Maybe in 30 years
I cannot die
The boys, my boys
True love

Should I go
Can I leave
Him all alone
With only beer
And gambling

I will decide
When it is right
To bring it to an end
For once and all
Goodnight

Dead not dead
Hiding in the shadows
She is not here
But forever present

Loved ones grieve
Making the most of what is left
Not knowing
No closure
Just empty hearts and full pockets

She wanted them
To have it all
To use her pennies
For brave futures

Sitting in a foreign café
Hoping no one recognises
Her guilt ridden face
Do they know her shady past,
The pain she caused,
Her innate selfishness?

Running away turned out
Not to be the freedom
She longed for
But one long hurt

For everyone

This time

What have these years been
To me and you?
A dream, a fog, a drunken haze?
You tell me

Many hours wasted
Fighting that square peg
It never seems to fit
Or maybe it's just me

How many times
Have I been this close
To being honest
And true to myself?

Why stop
Give in
Another fatuous
Rapprochement

Not this time
Be strong
Be true
Space, time

Contentment

Freedom

Peace

Unconditional
Emotional
Ignored
Strange

You never text back
I know you read them
I'm not drunk
It's ok to reply

You fell, you wet yourself
You cried
You lied
Still love
Forever

He loved you
He was part of you
We were friends
In the end

You know that he sees
What you have become
He would have been so proud
Like me

My boys
My love
My life

Love

Forever