My breath is cold again the pillow I lay against
I'm not strong enough to move my head
And I'm too weak to help myself to the warmth
There's a downward spiral growing in my head
And its not okay to let myself slip anymore
Alone is a place that welcomes me home
And maybe the thoughts are better to be swimming than falling with me
There's nobody in the world right now ..
Its just easier to sit here and not say word
Because I **** at explaining my feelings
I'll continue to let everyone think that everything is going alright

I'm something sullen, sunken into the depths of a lack of reality.

we forget the pain, we hide the hurt, and we don't tell whoever is new about all the damage that has been scarred into our hearts. we only know that they will just claw it until it rips.

I'm a wanderer, I'm scared, and maybe running away from my present makes me slightly weak.

Can't you just come over, hold me tight, start everything over again? Life and time were against us darling, we both can be such horrible people and know that I'm sorry.

Where to go from here? i guess we'll never know.

Dissolve into a paradox of unimaginable creations

life doesn't have to be a series of sarcastically serious games

i cant even remember the last time you made me laugh

and i have every reason to be selfish in this regard

i'm done being nice

i'm putting on my game face; i'm going to be just like you

3...2...1...

**** right I've changed

This is who I've become

I barely have a heart left

My soul couldn't take anymore pain

The two are frozen in a parallel world

You're Right

I'm ******* crazy now

I lost track so I ignored my mind

Fed up with emotional roller coaster head games grew some common sense and left its owner to rot in a self decaying cage

I'm a shell to you that's all I can be anymore

Why shouldn't I have lied?

It wasn't me at all to say the words that weren't true

But now I don't have to lie

I'm not scared of you anymore

and growing up my parents were less strict than you

Ive had enough fathers for one lifetime

I wanted a boyfriend that understood and was empathetic of what life this age is like.

Trust was never an issue because you never had any to start with

Petrified that I'd be just another slutty girl

You never hesitated to put me down for things I don't do

So how do you like me now?

You destroyed the part of me that gave a ****

I'm done playing nice

That girl is far-gone

I'm not bitter nor am I full of hate

"Treat others the way you want to be treated" Is ******* that defies human nature

I'm not the type of person that prefers to be confined to set rules and boundaries

Maybe you were right

maybe we are pushing something that isn't meant to be

You need submission

I need to be able to live my life

*** equals lust

I need love.

Neither of us will change to each others liking

Maybe we both just need to figure **** out and grow the hell up

Liquid nightmares burn me in my sleep

I'm settling for something wrong

I'm positioning myself for immense disaster

Could I be happier this way

Or is it better to **** the lack of what I need

With a fire burning into my stomach and expanding into my blood

The confidence blows over me too subtle to notice

I need what is stubbornly being refused

I'm in a state of oppression and its all my fault

I want a love that isn't based on being good at the surreptitious setting locked behind closed doors

Some days I convince myself that I'm expecting too much from this enlightened situation

I shake the feeling

Doesn't every girl deserve to be given what she wants in return?

The clear fire doesn't sting on its way down this time

Laying in bed, staring at the ceiling I realize in my drunken state of mind

Three things are certain:

Grey Goose and poignant thoughts create waterfalls from my eyes

Truth is a mystery because life is merely a pretentious lie

I'm in love with a person that only exists in my heart.

I Dream In Turquoise and I have yet to discover what that means. Every time I get close enough to touch you fade away from me.
I'm coming I know its six months too late.
What is six months in a lifetime?
Enough to lose the chance of being with the one you truly love.
Why was the timing off but perfect enough to get the chance?
I'm sorry I make you cry at night, I'm sorry for the lies.
A selfish creature is one I warned myself of for most of my life and I have become the monster I truly despised.
I hate the things I cannot control like distance fate and destiny.
What does it all come down to in the end?
All I see is flesh and bone the blood has already soaked into the soil. Hold me to this one last line because I promise my darling I'll prove myself this time.

sing to me, one last time I know you're voice isn't beautiful but it heals my soul.

tell me, one more time that you don't need me, because it kills every part of me.

don't you see i'm crazy just like you? we need help but wont let ourselves be saved

so we take each other and tear and rip the flesh right off the bones because somehow that's better

i'm sick. to my stomach. if i could, i would disappear into this mattress, and black sheet. it cant keep me warm like you do anyway.

i'm tired of fighting, done with lying its not a game why did i ever try to win?

now i'm stuck here listening to "I told you so" but they don't know, they wont ever know my love for you is real.

I'm young, you hit it right on the head everything you thought of me. but i'm not a ****, nor would i ever pretend to be that sheep in wolves clothing.

So keep the part of me and never let it go. Keep the memories photographed with detail of an exciting children's story. I know.. fairy tales aren't real.

This feeling, I cant get rid of, and I've been numb for months.

No use for a razor blade, The only thing to wake me up:
Is your touch.

be smart, listen to me, forget your heart. You wont be happy girl, but you might be better off. If its meant to be, let it go... it never comes back just so you know.

You took away the only part of me that was still breathing

Laying on the ***** linoleum I picked myself back up

I grabbed for that piece you so violently took away.

I may not have gotten all of it back, but most of it is with me.

You aren't a bad person you're just a fool

But then again I just might  be one too.

Take a Step Back

And Look at the picture you painted

You See Me Standing There

All Alone

All Alone

But I'm Still The Star Of Your Show

You Beat Me Down

To The Point of never standing back up

You took my heart

between your gentle fingers

created a monster

choked to death

its gone

and I'm never coming back

Did you get what you wanted?

Tell me is this what you wanted it all along?

Then You took my face

Touched it lightly

Told me it was now or never

The distance between the bullet and the barrel

seems inevitable and shorter than ever

As it rests between your puckered lips

You're not the victim

But you play the role so well

It feels like you have faked this all before

Behind your crying gray eyes

You're out to ****** again

You know its

Your fault its

All made up

In That Tormented head

You say you

Imagine Nothing

You See It How It Really Is

Well Darling

I might be a liar

But you're a killer

I'm shaking on the cold floor covered in sweat

Look at the blood

Dripping from my leg

One Final Slip

So remember the pills

Because I'll never forget