I envy those who allow themselves to be loved
I don’t think I was born with that ability
I’m a closed book no matter how hard I try
Why can’t I just let you love me
Why do I prefer to be alone
Yet deep down I know
Part of me wants someone to hold
But loving doesn’t come easy for me
**** you solitude for bringing me comfort
I’m supposed to fight against you
Yet I crave you
But as I get older I fear that it will trap me
I fear that I will grow old never having been in love
I know that we all enter this earth alone
But I don’t wish to die alone

I once felt them in my bones
Now they’ve lingered to my soul
My muscles no longer ache
It’s my mind I now can’t control
It’s now the burning sensation in my chest
The sweatiness in my palms
Skin picking
Nail biting
Shakiness in my hands
I guess these are just the symptoms of getting old

If I think about you too much
My eyes begin to water
The warm salty tears
Begin to roll down my face
If I block you from my memory
From my mind
I feel selfish
For I am attempting to forget you
Risking the loss of our memories
Yet saving me pain
I have only the fondest memories of you
Which is why it hurts so much to recall
That is when I simply rather
Turn the switch of my feelings off
So please forgive me
For not thinking of you every day
For putting the pictures of you
Far down in my drawer
The moments we shared in the back of my mind
It just hurts so much to remember you
To know those memories
will never be relived
that's all of you I’ll ever get