Waiting for sleep like expecting a train
at an abandoned station,
I wait for it to take me away
to carry me to a better place.

My heart races against the drumming rain
but the rain, it always wins
My eyes are vacant while my head gets heavy
filling up with rain.

Waiting for sleep like waiting
for the solitary mournful whistle
of a distant ship
to become music.

My mind a ****-choked patch of waste ground
that could have been a beautiful garden
but I am no horticulturist
I am only waiting for sleep.

J.Walker February 2020

Words that shouldn't be said
hang in the air
like some noxious gas
that asphyxiates
everybody

Words that are whispered
soothe like a warm bath
restore and regenerate the spirit
rebuild the roads and bridges
words destroyed

Words have the power
to scorch flesh like acid
to disfigure all beauty
or cure any affliction
why not use words for good?

What will I do for Valentine’s Day?

Give myself a bunch of high-fives
For being single every Valentine’s Day of my life
Drive myself down to the beach
Or stay at home knowing I’ve only myself to please
Make myself breakfast in bed
Or maybe go back to sleep instead
Walk where the wind takes me, or sing in the rain
Drink too much coffee and give myself a migraine

Why don’t I drink, you ask
What do I do for fun
reading books by dead writers
listening to bands you’ve never heard of
that’s what i do
not for fun
but as an alternative
to socialising
because i
don’t
like
people
and their
stupid
social
rituals
that revolve
around
drinking.

For some stupid reason
I thought that
no one else
found you
attractive
then I realised
that
I was
insulting
myself.

For some stupid reason
that I cannot
remember
I kept a list
of
places
we’ve been.

Now I
cannot
make up
my mind;
do i
want to
disappear
or
do i
want to
be
seen?

Why the
indecision?
Let me check
my
directory
of stupid reasons
and my wardrobe of
excuses
worn too thin.

let's just call it
some
stupid
reason.

Love is not in the air
it is just a scrawny little bird
living in my ribcage
and it’s song cannot be heard.
Love does not reign over us
it just ties my tongue in bows
where once you gave me flowers
now only shadows grow.

You are not permitted
to have any real emotions
to have any real friends
to write any real words,
the tyrant brain decreed.

We will ***** a barbed wire fence
we will dig a trench ten feet deep
we will let black hounds run free
to keep the world outside
and to keep you in.

The tyrant brain says
if you don’t try you’ll never fail
if you don’t seek then nothing will elude you
if you don’t think then nothing will confuse you
so don’t try.

The tyrant brain is a ***** bomb
And I hold the detonator
do I push the button
or throw it away and cry
NO MORE?