Painted painted painted painted painted
paint paint paint paint paint
It’s hard to describe an overload
When the in comes in and it just won’t go
I stare at a wall, I shake, say no
But I can’t say no when the shutters close
I can’t say no when there’s no more no
And all there is is green and pink and paint
Paint paint paint paint paint
There’s no one thing that makes me go
A tindered flint to ignite my woe
It could be anything: hair, a cat, the snow
But today it was paint
The word alone made me quiver
Shake and tremble like the words of winter
I stared at the wall to shake the feeling
Locked myself down ‘til my senses stopped reeling
And soon I was feeling and seeing, alive
The tidal wave ceased, it didn’t crash but subside
And I was still here, claw marks in my sides
With the smell of the paint just waiting outside.

When does it start to feel real?

I had a dream the other night and in
It

You invited me to your birthday party.

I bought you a gift and everything,
I was quite terribly excited
And I’m sure you were too.

I got in my car and the summer stretched around It
It wrapped me up tight in a blanketed basket.

At the party, we chuckled en masse as the teens do tend to
Ignoring the tears in a world unattended to

And we did have so much fun.

when does it start to feel real
and
when can I lift up the blanket

i dream and i dream and it feels no more real than any night prior.
but still I hope it may.
when does it start to feel real?
the dream, I mean
because after all
there’s nothing I want more
than to be able to dream
and to believe
it
and say

'And we do have so much fun.’

Mine was a hate full of furious anger
But still, my love broke through
A look of brimstone on a velveteen throne
When she lived with that heart of mine too

But my woes were unending
And my suffering, ceaseless

For days I would wait
When my own acts were treas’nous
But good I was not
And deserved I no easement

No
No
I
Knew

“But wait!” I exclaimed
For the tenth week of weeks
I had one thing to say
‘Fore I lost all my cheek

“I’ve not learned how to dance
So, if I may,
Please give me this dance
I’ll let you lead the way”

And we danced.
And we learned.

Time ages love like a wine in a cellar
But it locks it in chains so true.
She looked at me through the eyes of a stranger
So I looked right through her, too.

I put on my big boy pants,
My big boy shoes,
My big boy shirt
In shaded blues.
I put on my big boy hat,
My big boy tie,
My big boy suit
And my big boy lies.
I put on my big boy smile,
My big boy pills,
My big boy dreams
Went to hell with a chill.
I put on my big boy tears,
My big boy belt,
My big boy face
To hide what I felt.
I put on my big boy job,
My big boy stress,
My big boy lonely nights
Spent behind a desk.
I put on my big boy cross,
My big boy prayer,
My big boy goodbyes
As I said how well I’d fair.
I put on my big boy rope
In my big boy cell,
Took my big boy courage,

And I killed myself.

They took my big boy clothes
And stripped me down bare
And all that was left
Was their little boy, scared.

Dad,
You are the lamp sitting on my desk
With a flickering bulb
In a rusted nest

Flick, Flick
In the night you scream
With your cycle 60
In a crooner’s dream

Man,
You are the sinner’s chorus
Of knight and rook
On the board that bore us

Tick, Tick
Goes your timer on
Just above my head
Like a rooster at dawn

Friend,
You are my worst acquaintance
Your light is so faint
Yet you’re still high maintenance

Itch, Itch
When my skin starts crawling
The cloth of your shade
Bit by bit, starts falling

Blind,
My eyes when I try to see you
Even in darkness
I can’t even come near you

Burns, Burns
On my skin from the wire
The cord of AC
With which you start your fires

Kind,
A word that could not describe it
The feeling I get
Watching you have to hide it

Lamp, Lamp
That cruel fixed placement
Strapped to my desk
Every day, like it’s paved in

Devil,
Waiting for dark endangerment
I need you too bad
To repent for you, miscreant

Dad, Dad
The nefarious ‘brother’
I can’t keep you here
We endanger each other

Dad, Dad
I’m getting out of the gutter,
Stepping into the light
Time to open the shutters.