Considered to be Joy
Within I was Despair
Not definitively,
Though it felt so.
I remember the contrary,
It haunts me like trauma.
Should it be so hard
Just to make my way back?
Nothing ever felt so intangible.
Like a storm can appear
On the brightest Summer day
I have faith this will retract
And bring back the sun once more.

It gets harder every time
And I'm to blame
With each decision made
A setback takes place
They seem minute
But unified, they're toxic
Draining the life slow
So that no one would know
The sedate action
Does not attract notion
My cries would go amiss
Or would they?
My retraction from help,
Could this too, be toxin
It hurts to think
And stabilise in my head
That opening this poison
Could be beneficial
Is it just a defect
That exists within me?
And one that could be cured
By setting it free
Though it remains concealed
And the virus, it spreads
Until it can't take me any more
And I seek my escape

I used to be a fool
Believing happiness to be an end-goal
That joy was an incline
Lacking any downward motion
But it's clear now to me
That life isn't easy,
nor is it hard.

Existence is existence,
Not more, not less.
We go day by day
Thinking there's progress to be made
But progress to what?
We know not the conclusion
And lacking this knowledge
We also lack meaning

So why do we bother?
We create our means
Activities, Relationships
Goals and Dreams
Our way to find purpose
In a world that lacks any
And whilst the downs are hard
The highs will overshadow
If we only allow ourselves
To find happiness from within

A heart so absolute
In a world of cancer
Was it just comedy
This dark digression
You were not weak
More vulnerable, perhaps
That it hurt you more
Than any could comprehend
The affliction never shows
But the retort, transparent
But dark did avail
Your fragile heart

You do not feel torment
When you are ethereal
One with the world
But not with existence
Yet I'm in despair
I feel it too
No joy for you
Because without you I'm here
Trapped in this cancer
Perhaps more deserving
For my heart is adverse
And yours, absolute

The scars on your skin
Grow to be consistent
With the feelings you conceal.

Though I see changes
Through the ones you disclose.
A sense of contentment.

Happiness is a distant memory,
But one that's brought closer
Through every struggle you conquer.

Each step feels minor,
but progress is progress,
so don't raise that white flag.

I'm by your side always,
Your friend and brother.

You're a seed without light,
an Ever-Growing Wonder.