You’re not here anymore
And maybe you’re in a better place
And maybe you’re not here looking at me face to face
But I know you see me

Feeling guilty
Like maybe I could’ve saved you
And maybe if things happened differently
If I was there for you more mentally
Maybe
You’d still be here

maybe you’re in a better place
But you’re not here with me
And I feel selfish for wanting you back
But it’s been months since I’ve felt anything

It’s been a whole month
And the clothes I snuck away into my bags don’t smell like you anymore
But just because your smell faded doesn’t mean you did
And just because time has passed doesn’t mean I feel different
Doesn’t mean I broke my own heart walking away from you
As you said goodbye you didn’t know it’d be for good
You didn’t know it’d be the last time
But it was
And I knew
And now all I have are clothes
Clothes that used to smell like you
And I still love you  
Just like I used to

I miss you in the moments I could never forget you in
The beach around sunset time as the sky changes colors
Just like they way your eyes would when you used to look at me
But everything soon turns dark
Just like my world when you closed your eyes to me forever
And it’s my fault
Now I have to die with it
Just like the sun dies for the moonlight every night

This world is not for me
So I fall asleep and dream to escape my reality
I see a girl
A scared lonely girl sitting in a corner all alone
Everything’s dark
There’s tears coming down her eyes
He finds her and takes her to his room
Feeds her all his lies
“It’ll be alright babe, a woman you will be
But help daddy out and keep this secret between you and me”

Life fasts forward

Freshman year, twenty ten
As he forces himself in her she just prays she is forgiven
With each ****** forward, he adds to her fears
After he is finished she runs back home
Goes to that same corner feeling even more alone
She gets a razor out and adds to the tracks on her wrists
No one helps her as she slowly starts to drift
I try to save her
But as I reach my arm out
I frown
Why is all this blood dripping down

Today I sat in a standing shower
And cried my eyes out
And since you left
That’s pretty much how life’s been
Sitting in a standing shower
While life washes over me
Taking all my tears with it
Don’t cry
Don’t cry
Don’t cry

Why is it so easy to write about pain & heartbreak
Rather than happiness
Well when im in pain I  feel it
When I’m happy I  also feel it
But above all
Im  so busy living it and expressing
The way I feel through actions
There’s no need to express myself on paper
When im in pain I feel it
Heartbreak, I feel it
Rather than making tracks on my wrists
I create beautiful tracks on paper  
The words become my savior
Cutting thin powerful lines into my wide ruled composition book
Filling it with new cuts
Looking back at old scars
That’s the beauty of pain
I look back and all I see is
Growth

I kissed a girl last night
And I didn’t feel a thing
She kissed me back last night
But she felt everything
I’m getting bad again I know
Listening to the words come out of her mouth
But they don’t fly they just drop to the floor
So I take another shot
In hopes that the fire in her words
Will fly off her lips
And burn mine
But the only burn I feel is the alcohol going down my throat
And her words don’t intrigue me as much as this whiskey does..
I’m getting bad again I know

“Why’d it take you so long to speak up”
“No one knew anything about you and him, how does that work, it can’t be true”
“You don’t wna destroy a life but you’re speaking up doing exactly that”
“It should’ve been a private matter”
“You should’ve done things differently”
“Shame on you”


Words
They’re just words
From lips that were never forced to kiss
From bodies still intact
From minds closed because they never had to endure
What we did
And we did
Silently
Our lips sealed
Our bodies, not ours
Our minds open, just like the first time he....
LIPS SEALED
... no ones gna believe you anyway

I seen it again last night
She began talking about him getting better
Without her
Her dark brown eyes filled up with tears
And her lips started to tremble
As she went on
I love him to the point of madness she said
And I could tell that she was mad
I could see her head full of hurricanes
And that she gave him everything she had
But she has flames in her eyes
The kind of flames that could engulf
Entire night skies
But instead of burning the night away
She Enflames herself
With all the guilt and pain

I once knew this woman who had the most beautiful eyes
With tears streaming down both sides
A steady flow, much like a stream
Flowing past her full pink lips
Falling off her chin like a waterfall
I had never seen her like this
She was always so strong
Knocking life down each time she got up from his fists knocking her down
And yet
Those beautiful eyes never cried waterfalls until now
As she sat there watching the best part of herself
Watch her
She closed her eyes
And for the first time flowed with the river
Pushing past everything she thought she couldn’t conquer
Giving the best part of herself a chance
I once knew this woman who had the most beautiful eyes
And I still do
Sincerely,
The best part of you