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190 · Mar 2019
The Ice Dragon
Jesse Holzinger Mar 2019
A wall stands before me where one didn’t stand before
Made of ice, it’s colder than anything I’ve ever known
There she is; she locked herself inside, and I don’t know why
But I can see, and feel, a silent gaze piercing from behind the glass
Somehow it burns through the ice, but it only grows colder
A warning to let her sleep, but for some reason I just can’t listen

It was only just yesterday she let me stand at her side
But now she just wants to stay isolated in ice,
And I can’t bare to just leave her here,
Not without understanding why.
By now the ice has grown so thick I can’t even see her inside

Panic sets in, festers, and I quickly lose my mind
Why did she enclose herself in such an icy isolation?
I need to know. I need to know. I need to know.
Did I do something wrong?
Is this even about me at all?
Can I do anything to help?
Why won’t she just tell me?
If you need me to go away, I will, but I need to hear it

“Please don’t just shut me out!” I scream, as I slam my fists against the ice
Did you even take just one moment to consider how cold this feels?
Do you even care?
Now, in a state void of all sound judgement, I start trying to chisel the ice away
Reaching for something, anything, to just know what’s going on
I couldn’t see inside; I couldn’t see how each stroke was hurting her even more
The ice is a part of her, you see, and I was striking at her very core
And the ice was only growing thicker

One final hit, and the wall explodes, shards of ice shattering everywhere
And there, finally, she stood before me,
Only it was a much darker version of the girl I had grown to know and love
Eyes glowing with fire and fury, her burning death glare now cursing every piece of my soul
I knew my mistake, but it was too late
She spoke, but instead of words, from her mouth she spat fire
A fire colder than ice, a fire that no longer seemed to care

After she felt she had enough, or maybe she just had already had too much
Back inside she went, into that isolating ice, and shut her eyes from the world, from me
But what she never saw was me, lying there frozen on the floor
A shard of ice piercing through my heart
It’s cold. So, so cold.
And as I lay dying, I watch the ice grow thicker, slowly expanding towards me
I lie here waiting to be encased and buried by her
I had a friend who I talk to nearly everyday just needed to take a few days to be alone, but instead of just asking me for some space she started ignoring me, to which I overreacted by spamming her with multiple texts a day to which she (rightfully so) got angry about. This is just the story I envisioned surrounding the situation
187 · Mar 2018
What Elephant?
Jesse Holzinger Mar 2018
There's an elephant in the room
These feelings between us
We keep on speaking, beating around the bush
Never wanting to address
The giant looming over our every thoughts
Everyone else can see it
This elephant in the room
They say you're just waiting on me to say it

So I did
I brought up the elephant
But that's when I found out
You didn't even know there was a room
160 · Mar 2018
Down Here,
Jesse Holzinger Mar 2018
Help,
I can’t breathe.
I’m drowning.

It’s so dark.
But I think I can see the surface.
So why is that
The harder I try to reach,
The more I try to swim,
The further away the surface becomes?

It’s like there’s something
Chaining me down to the floor,
But this just feels like a bottomless pit.
I can’t tell how far down or up or in or out.
I don’t which direction is which anymore.

Am I in an ocean?
A lake? A pond?
How far does this water reach?
Wait, is this even water?
Cause it sure tastes a whole lot like
Blood.

Now I remember.
My heart broke, and
The blood just kept on spilling,
Flowing until it became a river,
Or something like that.
I barely even remember how I got here.

But here I am.
It’s dark down here.
But I think I can see the surface.
So I struggle,
And struggle some more.
I struggle so hard that I think
Every bone in my body should have shattered by now.
But they don’t.
And just as well,
Neither do I feel any closer to the surface.

With every struggle,
It feels like I get nowhere.
But the truth of the matter
Is that I don’t know the difference
Between  nowhere and somewhere.
It all feels the same down here.

But what I’m quickly learning
Is that every time I start to just accept my fate
And be still,
The chains start dragging me down even further.
So I know I can’t stop fighting,
Fighting to reach the surface
So I can breathe again.

And no matter how long I stay down here
In this wretched hole,
No matter how long I seem to go without air,
I’m not actually dying.
113 · May 2019
Blood of the Martyrs
Jesse Holzinger May 2019
Can you turn the Volumes up on this Silent Planet?
The voices in my head grow louder as I become more and more Disturbed
I can’t bare to listen to the silence As They Sleep
Underoath, I declare I will be the Living Sacrifice if that’s what brings them peace

I'll Wage War on the Architects that built the Palisades
Bring Me the Horizon and I will Bury Tomorrow
Leaving myself here In This Moment, living only For Today
I know I can't Escape the Fate, but I’ll still usher in a brand new Erra

Now this empty night in August Burns Red
My eyes are shut; I can feel the Currents taking me home
As I Lay Dying, I only ask you give me a funeral Fit For a King
And After the Burial, make it A Day to Remember
I Prevail
I just kinda wrote stuff using the names of some of my favorite bands as lyrics
110 · Oct 2019
You'll Never See My Tears
Jesse Holzinger Oct 2019
Crying, I’m dying, but still I’m lying
I try to stop the pain, in vain, I wait to grow insane
Soaking, I’m choking, back the tears I’m revoking
But the sadness comes calling, they’re falling, and I find it appalling

Unwilling, it’s killing, me as my eyes keep spilling
A smile I will make, it’s fake, but my feelings are opaque
Biding, I’m hiding, hoping I can just keep misguiding
I don’t want them to see, me, everything I couldn’t be

Waiting, I’m fading, it's all just so degrading
To be the only one, I'm done, my mind’s become overrun
Turning, I’m learning, meanwhile my heart’s still burning
Left alone with my thoughts, I’m lost, and now I’m paying the cost

— The End —