Calmness sets in
It's been a long time
Where have you been

I've been drifting around
Waiting for you
To finally breathe
And let me on through

I've been searching and waiting
To feel that safe touch
My mind has been racing
I've been thinking too much

Your frantic state
Is what blocked my return
It's your own fault
That your nerves are so burned

I think I now see
All that was holding me back
My sense of self worth
Is what I did lack

You must think of yourself
And what you may like
And I'll stick around
Be with you for life

I sit alone
How it's meant to be
I've held on so tight
Squeezed the life out of
All I cared about

I need to be alone
To stop the hurt and pain
I've inflicted on all
Who opened their hearts

Building my own cage
Made out of regret and hurt
Bars have barbs facing out
Meant to push all away

Don't come close
Do not feed
The animal

I stare out with angry eyes
And a seething mind
Praying you don't come inside
Remnants of the pain
At my feet
To frighten, to scare
As to not get hurt

I don't think you're thinking of me
But I am always thinking of you

I don't think you want me
When all I want is you

I don't think you love me
Though I have undying love for you

I don't think you believe in me
Even when I have all my faith in you

I don't think you see a future with me
Well, my only future is with you

I thought it was meant to be
A world with just you and me
Now I can feel you letting go
And if that's true I need you to know

If your hand leaves mine
I will crumble and fall
To my knees and on the ground

I will lie in the dirt and sink in the soil
It'll be like I was never here
I'll fade into the earth
And disappear

Without your heartbeat next to mine
Out of the ground I will not climb
I'll spread out with kicks of feet

The wind will blow my bones around
And hopefully someone will see
The beautiful stones that once was
My love for you

You don't need to say it
I know why it has to be
I know I do wrong
But I can't fix me

It's the same things all the time
I can see it but can't stop
I know how I should be
And how I should not

I know I don't deserve you
You should just walk away
I'll never be good enough
For you to want to stay

I'll be alright alone
That's how it should be
I bring nothing but stress
And you should be free

Struggling and fighting
Through the haze in my mind
Worry and doubt
I'm fading behind
Your words find a way
But do not clear a path

Faith is failing
I'm feeling my last
The fog grows more dense
The light gets more dim
I need intention's hand
To pull me on through
Do I let it close in
Or do I wait here on you?

Thoughts that I have
Flip and they flay
They dance on my heart
And chip it away

The meanings don't stay
But the marks there, they leave
As if written in water
The words disappear

I feel their weight
But can't grasp just why
Scars without meaning
Yet still make me cry

The doubts that persist
Are bringing me down
My face now displays
A permanent frown

I just want my faith
To come barreling forth
But it flows and it melts
Bent on taking me with

Letting it all drop out
Every thought
Of not being good enough
Of not being smart enough
Of not being strong enough
Of not being worthy of love

Picking up the remnants
Of thoughts of
Doing things that make me happy
Being worth having life
Being worth having love
Being worth being with

It's been a long time
Of feeling not worth much
But I can see the clouds parting
The sun feels warm on my face

Now I start living again

I wish I could learn
to be like you
To not care at all
When you do what you do

Selfishly living your life
Hurting others is not a fear
While I sit here writing
With my pen dodging tears

I feel sad and alone
While you run through my brain
Trying to write on paper
That looks it's been through rain

I've lived my life for you
Now I see all you said was a lie
Seems you poke and ****
Until I have nothing but to cry

When I look in the mirror
Scared by what I see
Cause that face looking back
Does not look like me

It's twisted and torn
With eyes watery and red
Your hurtful words and actions
Is how this face was fed

Why do I try so hard
To please other people?
I'm not happy
Why do I think I
Can make others happy?
I sit and think
And think and think
What can I do
To make you happy?
What about me?
What about my happy?
My head says only you
Can make me happy
How can other people
Be happy without you?