I can't stop thinking about you again.
Do you ever have times like these? When you can't stop thinking about me?
Or are you really over me the way I pretend to be over you?
If you're not really over me, and I'm not really over you, then what?
We are, neither of us, in a place where we can be together...
I guess we're not meant to be, so, why can't I stop thinking about you?


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

Dear Nobody,
Please don’t take me seriously when we are together, and ‘I love you’ slips out.

Please don’t worry if when we have to part, my eyes tear up.

Please don’t get nervous if we you look at me, I was already looking at you, and I don’t look away.  

Please don’t be concerned when I gaze at you as if I’ll never be as happy again as I am right now.

Please don’t be upset when I steal a kiss, and I kiss you like there is no tomorrow.

Please don’t worry about me, I’ll live my life, I’ll take care of myself, I’ll find the happiness that I thought left my life when you did.


Signed - A Survivor



© Misty Bishop-Martiss

I love oatmeal
And I love you
Oh shoot, did I just say that out loud?

I miss the summer monsoon's
And I miss your hands on my body
Crap, I hope you didn't hear that?

I want to win the lotto
Also, I want to be your wife
Man, how did that slip out!


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

I feel your eyes upon me
Even Though you are hours away.

I feel your arms around me
Even Though you are so our of reach.

I feel your smile grinning just for me
Even Though I question if I am on your mind.

I woke up alone this morning
Even Though last night I fell asleep in your arms.

I woke up empty this morning
Even Though last night in my dreams you filled my soul.

I feel like your girl
Even Though that hasn't been true in years.

I feel the love
Even Though it's not the love it used to be.


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

Fear that I am like my mother
Fear that I am like my father
Fear that I am not like my father
Fear that I will turn into my mother
Fear that my divorce was a bad idea for my kids
Fear that Ill never get ahead in my chosen field, so the divorce was a bad idea for me too
Fear that marrying again was a bad financial move
Fear that this marriage was a bad idea too
Fear that if it ended, I could not be 'sad enough'


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

For a few hours...
I am his
He is mine
We can relax
I feel special
I feel ****
I feel wanted
I am not alone
I am a shiny bubble
My problems don't seem so big
Love songs make more sense
Grass smells greener


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

When we sneak away for a walk,
When we sneak away for a meal.

When you hold my hand in private,
When you gaze into my eyes.

When we are able to steal an entire night together,
And fall into the bliss filled remembrances
Of the way things used to be.

When I belonged with you,
And you belonged with me.

When there was no end in sight,
And the future was ours.

Now we settle for stolen moments in time…

For a moment, I am yours
For a moment, you are mine.


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

Chin up galant knight, you are a beacon of inspiration to many, not least of all to this fair maiden.


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

Happiness is finding someone to share your life with,
Sadness is realizing it's the wrong someone.

Happiness is having a partner,
Sadness is realizing you still have to do it all yourself.

Happiness is having passion in your heart,
Sadness is having no one who wants to share it with you.

Happiness is finding writing again,
Sadness is having no one in your life you love that truly reads it.

Happiness is having manners,
Sadness is worrying every minute of your life that you might offend someone,
until it sculpts your every waking action.

Happiness is having an epiphany,
Sadness is not knowing what to do about it.

Sadness is recognizing a problem in your life,
Happiness is having a plan to deal with it,
Sadness is knowing your probably cave in the end, like to always do.


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

I want to write you long letters,
I want to write you beautiful poems.
I should WANT to tell you how much I love you,
How you are always on my mind,
How I never want to be away from you.

I can’t find the words to tell you these things…

I wonder, do I not feel them anymore?
I wonder if you don’t feel them either?

Are we just going through the motions?
Force of habit, living this life.

Why can’t I find the words?
Why don’t beautiful phrases fall from my mouth for you?
Why doesn’t my heart spew love filled passages for you?

Are we just going through the motions?
Force of habit, living this life.
What is left between us?
Is it worth saving?


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

If I found a way to disconnect my brain
Will that help me to forget what we were?

If I stab my eyes out
Will that help me to forget the love I saw in your eyes?

If I cut my nose off to spite my face
Will that help me forget the way you smell?

If I poke my at my ears until they bleed
Will that help me to erase the sounds of you telling me you loved me?


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

I'll never write about how much I miss you.

I'll never write about how often I think about you.

I'll never write about how I think about you when I am alone in bed at night.

I’ll never write about how I like to think that you are watching me in daily life.

I’ll never write about how I much I miss being called your girl.

I’ll never write about how I still and always will think of you when I walk down that isle in the grocery store when you first held my hand in public and told me that this is how it would be from now on.

I’ll never write about how I still get butterflies in my stomach when I have a voice mail from you.

I’ll never write about how I turn into a girl trying to decide what to wear when we sneak out together.

I’ll never write about how I wish we didn't have to sneak.

I’ll never write about how much it hurt when we ended it.

I’ll never write about how much it hurt again when you made it clear there was no future for us, ever.

I’ll never write about how I hope and pray that someday that will turn out to be a lie.

I’ll never write about how I worry that if that does become a lie, will we survive past the “honeymoon stage”.

I’ll never write about how I would hate to lose our friendship.

I’ll never write about how much I love you.

I’ll never write about how much I wish I knew what that meant.

I’ll never write about how I wish you lived back in town.

I’ll never write about how I cherish our outings, whatever they may be made up of.

I’ll never write about how I go back and relive the best and worst days we have shared.

I’ll never write about how much I long for them back.

I’ll never write about how I wonder where we would be if I had made a different decision all those years ago.

I’ll never write about how much I still hurt over how I hurt you.

I’ll never write about you, because if I do, I may never stop, and I may realize all of the things that I have loved and lost and I may realize that I may never be whole again, and I may realize that I will never again be that happy smiling, confident, loved, crazy girl that you loved I may never recover.


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

I miss your face
I miss your smile
I miss how I feel in your amrs
I miss how you light up when I'm around
I miss how you really listen to me.
I miss us


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

I need to be in love with me if I want anyone else to be
I can't be one of those girls who only sees her worth through the eyes of others.

I must see the beauty in me that I want others to see.

There is a difference between thinking that
'I am too good for you' and thinking
that 'you're lucky to have me'
instead of me feeling lucky you that you love me.

I should also think that I am lucky to have you,
because so are awesome,
not because I don't deserve love.

I think that I am funny.
I think that I am attractive, cute if nothing else, but I am not ugly.
I think that I am smart, could be smarter, but definitely could be dumber.
Is that all there is? Funny, pretty and smart?
That can't be it, but that is all that I can think to quantify right now.


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

When I’m With You

In your presence,
I am the person I want to be.

In your arms,
I am the **** girl you can’t take your eyes off of.

In your mind,
I am funny, and smart, and all of the things that are worthy.

In your arms,
I am safe,
I am welcome,
I am wanted,
I am cherished,
I am desired,
I am…


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

In Your Arms
When I’m With You

In your presence,
I am the person I want to be.

In your arms,
I am the **** girl you can’t take your eyes off of.

In your mind,
I am funny, and smart, and all of the things that are worthy.

In your arms,
I am safe,
I am welcome,
I am wanted,
I am cherished,
I am desired,
I am…


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

I still miss you, and I don't see an end in sight.
We could be sitting down to a meal together, and I'd miss you.
We could be walking through a park, talking and catching up, and I'd miss you.
We could be laying down to give our bodies to each other, and I'd miss you.
The fact is that even if I share all of these moments with you,
I am not truly yours and you are not truly mine.
So no matter what we do, and what we share,
I will always miss you.


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

I talk a big game
About How I am not stuck on you
Yet, most everyone knows I am.

I talk a big game
About how I am going to stand up to her,
Yet it's more like slight raising from chair and then being seated again.

I talk a big game
About how I will tell you all of the things that I still feel for you,
Yet my words and courage remain paralyzed.

I talk a big game
About how I am not going to call text or email you anymore,
Yet my resolve fails me again and again.

I talk a big game
About how I am going to be my own person,
Yet, who in my life does not have ownership over my deeds?

I talk a big game
About how I will be a more decisive person
But I'm pretty sure I'm not.

I talk a big game
I'm going to do this and I'm going to accomplish that,
However, I'm just the queen of to do lists.

I talk a big game
About what I would do differently if I could go back in time,
But those claims are easy to make because The Doctor reminds me that I cannot cross my own time line.

I talk a big game
About what I want,
Yet, from day to day I don't even know for sure what that is.

I talk a big game
About what I want to do with and to you
Yet, when your skin touches mine,
I seem to become immobilized by your touch.

I talk a big game
About how we belong together
Yet, I'm terrified to tell you.

I talk a big game
About how you really know me,
But do you?

I talk a big game
We are meant to be
But there's so much about you I don't know.

I talk a big game
About how this poem is not for you,
Yet it has your name all over it.


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

So many thoughts running around in my head, like unsupervised children. I think all of the things that I want to share with you, but am too afraid.

So many things that I build up in my mind about you, about us, about the cruelty of life and the love we shared, and this thing that we share now, what is it? Can it even be named? Can it be pinned down like that? No, not so far at least.

This is friendship? This relationship? Is that what this is?

What am I to you? I know what I want to be? I know what I wish you felt for me. I also know that I’m not that. I never will be again. I can live with that, as long as I do not have to live without you in my life in some capacity. I can’t do that.  

Our stolen moments together, a meal here, a walk there, a trip to the bookstore, a stolen night, wrapped up in each other, and a ghost of the passion that we used to share.

I want to write about all of these things, but I cannot, I cannot tell you, you will get scared, you will get hurt, but mostly, you will shut down and run away from me.

I want to write, but more than that, I want to make all of these things real again…


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

I Wonder

I wonder sometimes if others can see my flaws the way that I do?
People say I am good at what I do, and I think that I am, but I know that there are things that I could improve on, times that I drop the ball completely...
Do they not see those things, or are they nice enough to not point them out?
"Yeah, you are good at this, but you **** at this other thing... It all comes out in the wash"...

I wonder if you see the flaws in me that I see?
I wonder if you see other flaws in me that I do not see?
If so, are they really there?
Why can't I see them?
Maybe I choose not to?

I know no one is perfect, but can people, can you, see just how far my "not perfect" goes?

Am I harder on myself than other would be? Isn't everyone hardest on themselves? Is that because I am really not as bad as I think I am, or is it that I see things that are maybe not really there? Or, do others see things that are not really there?

It is hard to know what is the truth, when I do not let even the most important people all the way into my darkest places. I have told you many things about myself. I think that I have told you more than most about myself, even more than I have told her, about what is really going on in my mind, but I have not told you everything. Is that because I don't want to burden you with my baggage, or is it because I do not want to see you run away screaming? Maybe both. Yes, I think both.

There are things that I have told you, that I have not told her, because I know that you will hear me, where she will think that she hears me, and maybe she does hear me, in the best way she can, but you really hear me. We have both been through things that she will never understand, because she can't or because she won't. Which ever it is, the end result is the same, a spacial rift in the thing we call a relationship.

I didn't mean to get so heavy with this email, I think that I need a good night's sleep, I mean a REAL good nights sleep, in my bed (or yours) with no dang stupid barking dogs.. Ugh!

Yes, come to think of it, yours would be better. I feel safe with you. I feel calm, at peace, on vacation, medicated, and more comfortable in my own skin with you. So, it is settled... One solid night of sleep is what I need. Alas, I don't see that happening with you anytime soon, so I will have to settle for sleep in my Tardis bedroom, with no dogs, and maybe some nature sounds playing in the background... Maybe some medication to make sure I sleep. Do you come in pill form?

Once again, didn't mean to get to deep, Just wanted to share.

I hope that you are having a good week, so far, and that is stays good. Study hard, kick *** like I know you can and do...

Thank you for being you and for letting me be me

You truly are the best of friends


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

I'm sitting here in the dentist chair and I am SO nervous. I am nervous for the pain, but mostly I am nervous for the cost. What happened to all of the money I saved earlier this year? I have no effing clue. My brakes are still bad, my tooth hurts and I'm not getting financial aid this semester. I know if I can just stay afloat until the fall financial aid comes in, I should be ok, also later this summer, ill be getting my holiday pay out She keeps telling me that I can just call in, like tomorrow for instance,but I need every hour I can get to cash in... Plus, I don't think that she realizes the work ethic thing. I know if I don't go to work tomorrow, there are things that won't get done, also, that come Monday, there will be all the more to get done.

How are you enjoying not having to study anymore? I like the way that you already had a plan on how to use your free time constructively... Because of course you did. So, how is that going? When are you going to get that new computer? Oh, I have more music for you, but at this point it might be smarter to just bring your new computer sometime and I'll bring the GIANT external drive, and we can exchange music all night long! Lol.

This is taking forever, and with every minute that passes I get more nervous. Every foot step I hear that sounds like it might be coming this way make my stomach turn inside out... Is it bad form to ***** on the dentist? Yes, I feel certain that there must be something about that in 'Miss Manners Guide To Bank Breaking Dental Visits And Lesser Tortures Involving Bad Easy Listening Stations'

Oh, I know that you had to have chuckled at that, and the thought of you chuckling makes me less *****-y.

Why is it,dear friend that all of the things that I should want to do with her, I want to do and do - do with you.

OH MY GOD! Good news, $85.00, not $800.00!!! I'll loose a tooth, but hey, I'm from Alabama, I'm lucky to have kept them this long! ;)

Ok, I need to *** before I go under the, the, the what? Pliers? Ok, pliers...feeling *****-y again... Wish you were here to hold my hand, or hair back... Not really, I do not wish you were here for that...that is one thing that I can be glad about, we didn't really get to the gross part of a relationship...to put it nicely, neither of us used the bathroom with the door open ;) gotta look for that silver lining, yeah?

Think ill call in the morning to get the brakes looked at! All the relief!

Hey, when are you coming into town again? I already miss you and desire to see you again, and dine with you again, and walk with you and talk with you and laugh and just 'be' with you...

Maybe next weekend, this weekend I might still feel *****-y!

Take care,
Miss you,
Glad to know you!



© Misty Bishop-Martiss

I miss his strong arms
Holding me close, more than friends
I wish he loved me


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

We are all made out of star dust. I am made out of the moon. I was once part of the majestic orb that lights up the night. The majestic orb that lures lovers, and guides the tides.
    
     The moon looks down on me nightly, to check on my well being, even on nights that I cannot see her.

    Luna Lovegood is my Harry Potter twin.
   The blood moon bleeds for me.
The harvest moons gathers for and from me.
The blue moon is blue because we have been separated.
The lunar eclipse is my moon doing tricks to make me smile.
The Hunter's Moon hunts for and finds me.
Lycanthropy is my secret code name.


     The moon is my secret astrological friend that I get to see every night, sometimes in the sky, sometimes in my dreams. Sometimes both.
   This may seem impossible to you, but I believe it!


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

She smiles when she remembers
how he kissed her feet
Because of a misunderstanding


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

Remembering the conversation we had on the phone from my grandmothers house
Locked in the bathroom for privacy
Listen to you share things I knew deep inside
Telling me all the things you have held inside because I am not free
But I am not happy either, and you can't hold it in any longer,
Knowing that I will remember and relive this moment for the rest of my life,
The passion In your voice,
The sorrow that you waited so long
The pain that you had to
The guilt because I am not free to return your feelings
But I do, i have for sometime now
I have secretly felt the same things
You have been a constant in my life
One thing that could and can maybe me smile
Make me feel special
Make my heart fly and my soul smile
Deep down we both know where we should be with
and who we should be sharing with
For a while we made it work and it was beautiful
But then life got in the way
Sorrowfully we parted as lovers
But will always be friends
What if life wasn't in the way?
That question is too painful to ask
Because it always will be
But I'll never forget
That desperate passionate secret locked in the bathroom phone call
And the joy it lead to, even if just for a while.

© Misty Bishop-Martiss

Music is everything. Feeling the emotion that the performer puts in a piece or song is truly altering.
When you can hear a song and know what the artist was feeling when they put those words to music is amazing.

Better yet, when you have heard a song a million times, and all of a sudden, its meaning smacks you in the heart and soul.

The right song can fit your emotions right now, or make you feel like the song playing at the perfect moment like is a message from the universe just for you, saying "hi, smile, you are loved."

A song can make you smile when you are sad, or cry when you didn't know you had something to cry about.

A song can take you back and can help you see your future.

The right song can make you want to be in rural Georgia working the land.

The right song can make you miss a lover; make you think about how they touched you, physically and emotionally.

The right song can make you get up and do things when all you want to do is lay in bed and ignore the world.

The right song can make you drive too fast, radio up to loud, more yelling along than singing.

The right song can stick in your mind, so can the wrong one for that matter.

The right song can make you think about high school and all the things you did wrong, and the few things you did right. :)

The right song can lift your spirits and make all right with the world.

© Misty Bishop-Martiss

Sitting in the courtyard on a hot summer night,
Enjoying the breeze that caresses us both,
Sitting with a friend, the closest of close,
Is there something more in your eyes?

Sitting at Sonic,
Talking about feelings,
Divulging secret longings,
Finally admitting things we have hidden for so long,
An amazing first kiss.

Going to poker night at your friend’s house,
Finally being able to express our feelings openly,
You hold my hand,
They call me your girl, my heart explodes like a 4th of July fireworks finale!
You are an attentive wonderful boyfriend,
Even if just here in this safe place.

Driving around town,
Laughing, being, doing things together,
Seeing this town that I have lived in for many years in a new way,
Seeing everything, everywhere with you in a new way.

Walking through neighborhoods,
Taking in the architecture,
Sitting in the park,
Silent, but sharing so much,
Being told that we look like spring love.

Dining together, and journaling our meals together,
A long list of places yet to go together,
Looking for even more new places to explore together,
New experiences with you have always been magical.

Hiking in the mountains,
Standing in a meadow,
Looking out over the city that we share,
But that is keeping us away from each other,
So free here and now,
You stand behind me,
Your arms around me,
I lean back into you,
Praying that I could just melt into you.

Alone in your room,
Sharing all,
Sharing our most,
Exploring each other,
Melting into each other,
Nothing else in the world but you and me and these moment of bliss.

A birthday lunch,
A beautiful ring,
A promised future, now lost…
A beautiful day nonetheless,
A wonderful ever lasting memory,
No one can ever take it away from me.

Back to the courtyard,
4 Years later,
Cool breeze,
Secrets stifled,
Glances stolen at each other,
You love me and I Iove you,
But we have moved passed that now, we are friends.
Have you really moved passed it?

I don’t think that I successfully have.
I know that I do not want to.


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

Happy crinkly paper
Pages turning full of thoughts
Little drawings, doodle time
Happy sound of pages filled with 'brain leaks'



© Misty Bishop-Martiss

Be it the pain I feel when I realize I have lost you,
Or the sorrow I feel at the lost memories.
It might be the anger I feel at the situation I am trapped in?
The love we used to share, that is gone, gave me plenty to write about.
The nights that we will never share, those did too.
The time I spend here, in the home I wish I shared with you,
All of these things gave me plenty to write about,
To Long over, to dwell on the loss.
Now, I still have these things in my life
Yet, my Muse is gone.
The pain is here, the art is lost.
What to do?


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

Today this world is a little dimmer because my Nana is gone.
The kindest woman I've ever met.
She loved me dispute my shortcomings.
She called me her sweetheart every time I visited.
She always smiled when I arrived.
She waited for my nightly call.
She gave freely over her time love and resources.
Her donuts were my donuts.

She is at peace now, safe in her ideal heaven, with loved ones that went before her to prepare for her arrival.
I am glad she is not in pain any more,
But we left behind are broken at her departure.

Death is hardest on those left behind.

© Misty Bishop-Martiss

Rain on the roof.
Just had a fight with her, she's being mean again for reasons that don't really have to do with me.
Rain on the roof.
I miss him most at times like this. The thought, the hope that things would not have been the same with you.
Rain on the roof.
I cry as I pretend I have my arms around me again. Protecting me from the world.
Rain on the roof.
Would it have been any better with you? Who knows. Maybe it's me, maybe it's always been me?
Rain on the roof.
Maybe it's time for me to go out in the rain and experience life without her anger and without his arms...

You put me in my place
With one paragraph
In one email
In the nicest way possible
With words I secretly wanted to hear anyway
There was a part of me didn't want to hear it
The part of me that needs something to pine for
The part of me that can't be happy
That has to play the reluctant heroine that sacrifices her happiness for the good of her kingdom.
Maybe now I can focus on how we are best together, as friends?


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

My thoughts weigh heavy
My family is ill at ease
Can't just be happy


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

We walk through this park
We walk through that park.

We talk about your life
We talk about my life.

We spend time enjoying your company
We spend time enjoying mine.

We cherish our time together,
For it is stolen
And all too soon
We have to give it back
And
Relinquish ourselves to the real world.


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

You are like a blood stain on my soul
No matter how I try, you will never truly be gone.
I can make you fade, but you are embedded on me
Others may not see you, but I know you are there
I know exactly your location and shape
I know how you got there
And
I know you will never leave
Even though you might have appeared to 'ruin' me, I will happily wear you every chance I get.
You have stained me,
But in the best possible way


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

I miss the idea of you.
I miss what we could have been
I miss what we should have been
I miss what we tried to be
I miss what we can never have
I miss texting movie quotes back and forth
I miss seeing you each night before work
I miss our secret Twitter conversations
But mostly, I miss the you that lives in my head.
I miss the you that talks to me when the real you doesn't respond.
I miss the you that I imagine laying down to sleep with while the real you is hundreds of miles away.
I miss the you that responds to all of my letters and texts.
I miss the you that writes me pen and paper letters weekly.
I miss all the things I imagine you are.
I miss all the things that I imagine that I am with you.
I miss the me that I think you see.
I miss all the the possibilities that I imagine come from you.
All the thing that will never be.
Sometimes it's safer to live with an imaginary image of someone than to put your real heart on the line.


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

Driving down a dark road, windows down, music in the background. You take my hand and kiss it. I smile at you. You smile at me. Lightning flashes behind us, thunder cracked. I do not jump, I am safe with you. The smell of rain is in the air, mixed with your musk. The smell makes me happy, excites me and anticipation fills my entire body. Spending time with you always makes me soul smile.

I'm emailing to tell you I'm not going to email you anymore.
I'm calling to tell you I'm not going to call you anymore.
I'm writing an actual letter to tell you that I am not going to write you actual letters anymore.
I'm dropping by to tell you that I'm not not going to drop by anymore.
I'm loving you...
I don't know how to not do that anymore?


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

Were those hours wasted?
The ones that I spent thinking about you.
The ones that I spent wishing we could be together.
The ones that I spent dreaming about you.

Were the hours wasted,
The ones that I spent writing your last name.
The ones that I spent wondering what a life with you would be like.
The ones that I secretly spent planning our first holiday letter.

How can I face that those hours were wasted?
The ones that I spent wishing we could escape together.
The ones that I spent wishing we had met 10 years before we did.
The one I spent missing you.

I have to face it, as unpleasant as it is.
We will never escape together.
We will never have a holiday letter.
I will never write my name with yours at the end.
I can miss you, but it doesn't get me anywhere.

I have to face what we have now, is all that we will ever have.
Alas, a good friend is nothing to be upset about... Unless there could have been so much more.


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

We meet again for a friends night out  
but we both know how this will end.

We dine and laugh and are happy to see one another,
But we know where this will end.

We share stories, dreams and fears,
But we both know how this will end.

We walk through parks and bask in each others presence,
But we both know how this will end.

We'll delay the end of our time together asking as possible,
But we both know how this will end.

You'll hold me so tight I could merge my body and soul with yours,
But we both know how this will end.

We'll say good bye with sorrow and promise in our voices and hearts,
But we both know how this will end.

You will travel home and I will too,
We both knew this is how it would end,
Until next time.


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

We Should Be
At a baseball game
Walking around our park
Sharing our favorite meal
Holding hands
Staring into each others eyes
Sharing stories
In bed, wrapped up in each other
Allowed to be together
Not afraid to be out in public
In the past where we were one.


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

These words that are stuck in my head,
That i wish would flow freely from my lips,
Only run tripping around my mind.

I write you pages and pages of letters when I should be studying.
I think up all these things I'll never say when I should be sleeping.
Worse yet, I picture your face and I hear your voice when I am with other people.

When you are around I am on awe of you, of me, and of us,
The one thing that I am not is poetically speaking these words and thoughts and desires to you.
What I am is painfully silent and reserved.

I didn't used to be. Before I knew you loved me, then knew you could not bare to love me any longer, I was open, I was funny, in was me, the me that made you love me, before you couldn't.

All these words, I am scared to say to you, lest I loose the connection that I still have to you.
So I say it here, in this poetic free for all, knowing you will never see it because I will need show me. But these readers, these reasers, some of whom share my angst, and others that just sympathize, with them I will share. With them it is safe to pour out my heart and my rational and irrational fears. Here I am safe. And here my words flow like torrent rivers from my soul to this cyber page.


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

...


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

You make grass smell greener
I don't know how else to explain the way that you make me feel.
I don't know how else to describe the things that my mind does when you are around.
You have so sort of he over me, and I don't hate it. I rather like it.
You make me smile at things that seem so mundane any other time.
I can't hide the smile in my heart, it comes out through my eyes, and everything I see when I am under your influence is colored by you!
What is it about you, about us, about me when I am with you?
I am the person that I always thought I would be when I was a young girl.
I am smart, I am funny, I am kind, I am creative, all of this because of me, but amplified a hundred times over when I am with you.
I smile when I think of you.


© Misty Bishop-Martiss