I can't stop thinking about you again.
Do you ever have times like these? When you can't stop thinking about me?
Or are you really over me the way I pretend to be over you?
If you're not really over me, and I'm not really over you, then what?
We are, neither of us, in a place where we can be together...
I guess we're not meant to be, so, why can't I stop thinking about you?


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

Fear that I am like my mother
Fear that I am like my father
Fear that I am not like my father
Fear that I will turn into my mother
Fear that my divorce was a bad idea for my kids
Fear that Ill never get ahead in my chosen field, so the divorce was a bad idea for me too
Fear that marrying again was a bad financial move
Fear that this marriage was a bad idea too
Fear that if it ended, I could not be 'sad enough'


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

I'm sitting here in the dentist chair and I am SO nervous. I am nervous for the pain, but mostly I am nervous for the cost. What happened to all of the money I saved earlier this year? I have no effing clue. My brakes are still bad, my tooth hurts and I'm not getting financial aid this semester. I know if I can just stay afloat until the fall financial aid comes in, I should be ok, also later this summer, ill be getting my holiday pay out She keeps telling me that I can just call in, like tomorrow for instance,but I need every hour I can get to cash in... Plus, I don't think that she realizes the work ethic thing. I know if I don't go to work tomorrow, there are things that won't get done, also, that come Monday, there will be all the more to get done.

How are you enjoying not having to study anymore? I like the way that you already had a plan on how to use your free time constructively... Because of course you did. So, how is that going? When are you going to get that new computer? Oh, I have more music for you, but at this point it might be smarter to just bring your new computer sometime and I'll bring the GIANT external drive, and we can exchange music all night long! Lol.

This is taking forever, and with every minute that passes I get more nervous. Every foot step I hear that sounds like it might be coming this way make my stomach turn inside out... Is it bad form to ***** on the dentist? Yes, I feel certain that there must be something about that in 'Miss Manners Guide To Bank Breaking Dental Visits And Lesser Tortures Involving Bad Easy Listening Stations'

Oh, I know that you had to have chuckled at that, and the thought of you chuckling makes me less *****-y.

Why is it,dear friend that all of the things that I should want to do with her, I want to do and do - do with you.

OH MY GOD! Good news, $85.00, not $800.00!!! I'll loose a tooth, but hey, I'm from Alabama, I'm lucky to have kept them this long! ;)

Ok, I need to *** before I go under the, the, the what? Pliers? Ok, pliers...feeling *****-y again... Wish you were here to hold my hand, or hair back... Not really, I do not wish you were here for that...that is one thing that I can be glad about, we didn't really get to the gross part of a relationship...to put it nicely, neither of us used the bathroom with the door open ;) gotta look for that silver lining, yeah?

Think ill call in the morning to get the brakes looked at! All the relief!

Hey, when are you coming into town again? I already miss you and desire to see you again, and dine with you again, and walk with you and talk with you and laugh and just 'be' with you...

Maybe next weekend, this weekend I might still feel *****-y!

Take care,
Miss you,
Glad to know you!



© Misty Bishop-Martiss

Dear Nobody,
Please don’t take me seriously when we are together, and ‘I love you’ slips out.

Please don’t worry if when we have to part, my eyes tear up.

Please don’t get nervous if we you look at me, I was already looking at you, and I don’t look away.  

Please don’t be concerned when I gaze at you as if I’ll never be as happy again as I am right now.

Please don’t be upset when I steal a kiss, and I kiss you like there is no tomorrow.

Please don’t worry about me, I’ll live my life, I’ll take care of myself, I’ll find the happiness that I thought left my life when you did.


Signed - A Survivor



© Misty Bishop-Martiss

So many thoughts running around in my head, like unsupervised children. I think all of the things that I want to share with you, but am too afraid.

So many things that I build up in my mind about you, about us, about the cruelty of life and the love we shared, and this thing that we share now, what is it? Can it even be named? Can it be pinned down like that? No, not so far at least.

This is friendship? This relationship? Is that what this is?

What am I to you? I know what I want to be? I know what I wish you felt for me. I also know that I’m not that. I never will be again. I can live with that, as long as I do not have to live without you in my life in some capacity. I can’t do that.  

Our stolen moments together, a meal here, a walk there, a trip to the bookstore, a stolen night, wrapped up in each other, and a ghost of the passion that we used to share.

I want to write about all of these things, but I cannot, I cannot tell you, you will get scared, you will get hurt, but mostly, you will shut down and run away from me.

I want to write, but more than that, I want to make all of these things real again…


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

I want to write you long letters,
I want to write you beautiful poems.
I should WANT to tell you how much I love you,
How you are always on my mind,
How I never want to be away from you.

I can’t find the words to tell you these things…

I wonder, do I not feel them anymore?
I wonder if you don’t feel them either?

Are we just going through the motions?
Force of habit, living this life.

Why can’t I find the words?
Why don’t beautiful phrases fall from my mouth for you?
Why doesn’t my heart spew love filled passages for you?

Are we just going through the motions?
Force of habit, living this life.
What is left between us?
Is it worth saving?


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

When we sneak away for a walk,
When we sneak away for a meal.

When you hold my hand in private,
When you gaze into my eyes.

When we are able to steal an entire night together,
And fall into the bliss filled remembrances
Of the way things used to be.

When I belonged with you,
And you belonged with me.

When there was no end in sight,
And the future was ours.

Now we settle for stolen moments in time…

For a moment, I am yours
For a moment, you are mine.


© Misty Bishop-Martiss