How many times
must I think it through?
It's been three years now,
I no longer even know you.
Some may argue I never did.

But I saw it in you.
I saw it in your eyes, kid.
Two out of two, they both sat low.
Tears welled in your eyes when it was time for you to go.

some people never go crazy.
me, sometimes I'll lie down behind the couch
for 3 or 4 days.
they'll find me there.
it's Cherub, they'll say, and
they pour wine down my throat
rub my chest
sprinkle me with oils.
then, I'll rise with a roar,
rant, rage -
curse them and the universe
as I send them scattering over the
lawn.
I'll feel much better,
sit down to toast and eggs,
hum a little tune,
suddenly become as lovable as a
pink
overfed whale.
some people never go crazy.
what truly horrible lives
they must lead.

I like it when you walk beside me,
your shoulder always taps mine.
I do not know what kind of spell you got me under,
but it’s not that very kind.
You look at me with two black marbles,
that pierce my eyes blind.
My body melts from the inside out,
every time your eyes meet mine.

There’s no need for me to overthink it
Karma is best served late.
I’ll sit back as the smoke clears,
Take a deep breath, and just wait.

Did you really think
I’d never learn to fight back?
That I wouldn’t get my lick back?
That I couldn’t stand on my own two feet?
It’s just like you to underestimate me
To push me to the back,
To try and do away with me.

But I’m richer than you’ll ever be,
And not just by my salary.
My ego doesn’t warp my sense of reality.
I’m not afraid to face myself,
I clawed my way out of hell,
And I gave myself to others along the way.

I can see the good in the worst.
I broke my family curse.
I’ve learned how to thrive on my own.
My dog is my best friend,
I’ve learned to decenter men,
And I know,
Life can always begin again.

If I could ask the world a favor,
I’d ask for it to be gentle with me.
I’ll be anything you want me to be,
As long as you never ask me to be me.

The purple lights hung above us,
Illuminating the impending doom.
My eyes begged, as they looked into yours,
Sealed eternally, in our lavender tomb.

I still see you in the hallway,
A nightly matinee just for me.
You hugged me three times goodbye,
As my heart fell between my knees.

A lump formed in the back of my throat,
As my mind said “just go with the flow”.
A million words circled in my head,
insecurity won, so instead I watched you go.

You can call me crazy,
You can shut the door in my face,
convince the jesters around you
not to believe a single word I say.

You can play pretend with your friends,
making jokes at my expense.
You'll laugh, while I go hide,
"It's just a joke" is your defense.

You can bury my name in the dirt, you can take away my choice.
You can try to silence me when I speak, but you cannot take my voice.

You can pretend you didn't beat me, hide it from the world
you know, the time you used your entire fist, to hit a 4'10" girl.

Remember when you knocked me down?
You hit me so hard, I saw stars.
As I fell to the ground, they circled my head round and round.

But you didn't stop there, you were feeling tough.
Lying on the forest floor, you kicked me in the gut.

I wish I could say that was the last time, sadly, that wasn't the case.
Your sinister ways always popped up,
Leaving destruction in their wake.

Running like a coward,
you never could learn from your mistakes. hurting women back-to-back to back.
Compliant friends and family,
Giving you the okay.

I know you probably think
I’m only trying to ruin your life.
But it's not as simple as that
I'm speaking up to reclaim mine!