As far as I am concerned
Your mother and father should get on their knees.
Mutter seven Hail Marys,
Repent their lives away to me.

The night you fell to my bed,
your faced turned blue.
Hitting you as hard as I could,
I knocked the life back into you.

My quick thinking,
allowed you to breath new life,
But hand to god,
if I knew what I know now,
I would have thought twice.

But he worked so hard
To build his career!
I think to myself
before submitting his name to smear.
Neglecting the humiliation ritual
he effortlessly performed on me.

Three years went by without a peep,
but out of the blue,
he used my vulnerability
as I hung myself with it,
so easily.

Is it just me?
To feel, as a woman
is it just easy
to give up
and hard to give in?
Easier to be as small as I can be,
to put the entire world at ease.
Release all this self-inflicted anxiety,
get on all fours,
get on my knees.
Hand over my autonomy.
Find some sort of peace
in the patriarchy.

I’d text you just to feel something,
Even with no reply.
Searching for comfort through a toy,
Spending every day high.
Smoking makes the anxiety worse,
But so does not finding a light.
I wake up to clouds of you,
And go to sleep to them at night.

You’re worse than an enemy,
’Cause to you I don’t exist.
So neither do the nights you walked me home,
Or the way that we kissed.
What was the purpose of it all, even?
Just to be left dismissed?

You taught me,
you taught me good.
Taught me the lessons
that no one else could.
You're everyone's favorite
professor,
The university's top pick.
Hiding behind your
fare persona,
and playing games
With women behind it.

You said you'd come
see me,
If I showed you what
I got.
You said maybe you'd
let me back into your
life,
if only my body was hot.
It had to be small enough for you
to conquer,
and submissive enough as to
not scare,
I'd belong only to you,
I would be only yours
to wear.

I told you I wanted
to be seen as equal,
you said I was not
allowed to object.
I was a typical white
woman,
I didn’t deserve to have your
respect.
I crossed your boundaries,
and never left you alone.
Three years of no contact,
as rust grew in my bones.
I begged for your humanity,
for the sake of my sanity;
I was looking for proof
I even existed.

You're a man of incredible cowardice,
You could only imagine to be big.
A ******* sorry excuse for one,
you’re nothing more than a
chauvinistic pig.

Now that the smoke has lifted,
I can finally see clear.
All that’s left is a coward with intellect,
Hiding behind a well manicured beard.

He exuded confidence when he needed,
He knew how to take control.
He mastered how to play lifes games,
He never shied to walk away and fold.

His poker face deceived the masses,
All while his eyes remained stone cold.
Each play he made was calculated,
Each move he made was meant to scold.
When picking a new love interest,
He looked for those easily controlled.

I was the perfect good girl just for him;
Rhetorical and defiant in the streets,
Submissive and indecisive in the sheets.
He dangled his love like he was handing out treats,
Only to ****** them back in total defeat.

He got off on this kind of ****
Because deep down he was still a little boy.
Standing on his tip toes instead of just freely playing with his toys.
Subjected to life with cruel ways,
He gave up his innocence far before he ever had a say.

He used women to feed his need for peace,
He said I went from 0 to 100,
He never could trust me.
I fought back when he wanted me to sit,
I gave him redirection and accountability,
I made him feel things that he couldn’t fit.
I made him say things he wouldn’t admit,
I sat him down, I made him feel like the kid.
The one he buried and hid,
The one who was disregarded by life, amid.

There's a lot about you
I never quite liked.
For starters,
You're way too tall,
And not very kind.

Your father taught you anger,
Your mother taught you greed,
I'm not sure you have much else on your mind
Then whatever it is you need.

It's not just what you say,
It's more about what you do
Treating people like puppets,
Just to get yourself through.

I'm glad I learned that cutting the strings was best.
I'm starting to trust happiness,
Since it no longer feels like a test.

if you’re going to try, go all the
way.
otherwise, don’t even start.

if you’re going to try, go all the
way. this could mean losing girlfriends,
wives, relatives, jobs and
maybe your mind.

go all the way.
it could mean not eating for 3 or
4 days.
it could mean freezing on a
park bench.
it could mean jail,
it could mean derision,
mockery,
isolation.
isolation is the gift,
all the others are a test of your
endurance, of
how much you really want to
do it.
and you’ll do it
despite rejection and the
worst odds
and it will be better than
anything else
you can imagine.

if you’re going to try,
go all the way.
there is no other feeling like
that.
you will be alone with the
gods
and the nights will flame with
fire.

do it, do it, do it.
do it.

all the way
all the way.
you will ride life straight to
perfect laughter,
it’s the only good fight
there is.