I hate seeing you.
No, I don't hate seeing you.
I hate seeing you like this.
You've been depressed.
You've been hurting and struggling.
You've been crying.
You've been writhing in the agony your mind creates for you.
You're dying.
No, you're not dying.
But you want to be dead.
You think that being dead would be better.
Better than the pain.
Better than the not knowing what's wrong but it's not.
You're broken.
Wait, you're not broken.
But you think you are.
I just want to help you.
I just want to make everything better.
I want to take the pain away.
You think you're broken, and I'd break myself to fix you.
I hate seeing you.
Like this.

All my life I've been alone.
Sure I've had friends and family,
But no one has ever really been there for me.
I had grown used to it.
Being by myself had become the norm.
I've had two people that I could share my secrets with.
But they could never relate.
They never knew just how much pain I had been in.
I walk around every day with a fake smile.
Until now.
He came into my life.
He turned everything upside down.
He can relate to me.
He knows some of the pain I try to hide.
I trust him enough to share my secrets.
He's been there for me.
The only one that can make me smile for real.
He the only one who can make me stop crying.
He's the only one that can make me laugh during a breakdown.
I love him.
I'm sure I do.
I've never cared about anyone this strongly before.
I like having another emotion then pain...

I'm sick of missing you.
It's been over a month.
But I still long for you.
It's killing me inside.
I know I can't have you back.
I don't want you back.
I'm sick of dreaming.
Because every time I dream...
I dream of you.
I don't want to close my eyes anymore.
You're always there, with me or another.
I know these dreams can't come true.
I don't want them to.
I'm sick of the memories.
It's not that they're bad memories.
It's not that at all.
But they are of you.
And I don't want them anymore.

No more sunshine, no more light.
No more moon and stars at night.
No one wants to see you cry.
No one wants to say goodbye.
I saw your joy, I see your fear.
On your cheek, I see a tear.
I grab your hand and hold it close.
A few more hours at the most.
I see the hurt, why is it here?
Now from my eye falls a tear.
It starts a river, salty flow.
We all know you have to go.

When the sun goes down,
I think about you.
Your deep blue eyes.
Your smile that lights up a room.
The way you talked.
Your scent.
The way we were together.
When the sun goes down,
I dream about us.
Holding hands.
Hugging.
Kissing.
The way I felt in your arms.
How you said you loved me every day.
When the sun goes down,
I put all those memories to bed.
No more hugging.
No more smiles.
No more getting lost in your eyes.
I'll never again feel the safety of your arms.
Because the sun went down.
And I'm alone.
Again...

Dear Idiot,
I love the way your smile makes you look like an elephant.
I love how when you dance you look ridiculous.
I love they way you embarrass yourself daily.
I love how you think we’re friends.
I love how hilarious it is when you try to act cool.
I love how you have no friends.
Haha.

I'm not going to “Pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America”.
We aren’t “One nation, under God”.
What happened to “Liberty and justice for all”?
People stopped caring, that’s what.
These are a few words from our pledge, yet all I read is empty promises.
The first two amendments of our very own Constitution include these;
One: Freedom of speech. Yet we aren’t allowed to say what we think.
Two: Freedom of press. Yet tv and radio stations can’t swear.
Three: Freedom of religion. But if one doesn’t agree with another’s religion they point it out.
Four: Peaceable Assembly. But we can’t protest without causing “Problems”.
Five: Petition the Government. Yet the government always has final say.
And six: The right to bear arms. So why are they taking our guns?
“Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on the continent,
a new nation, conceived in liberty,
and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.”
Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address, November 19th, 1863.
Some of the greatest words ever said in or about our country.
Most of us as American’s have thrown all that away.
Men and women are both treated unfairly.
There are Feminists out there complaining about every little mistake a man can make.
Men on average earn 22% more in pay than women do.
There are 13 states where they have banned same *** marriage.
Nothing about America shows equality.
Women and men are out there fighting for us right now, or have in the past.
They fight to keep our country whole, and free, and peaceful, and united.
But it’s hard to keep something united that has not been in a long time. So no.
I won’t pledge my allegiance to the flag of the Broken Sates of America
Until it is fixed again. Would you?

Hoping for the best.
Preparing for the worst.
Filling out the test of life.
I’ll be the one to fail it first.

I still miss you, by the way...

Once upon a time, there was a little girl.
This little girl had long blond hair and blue eyes.
She never dared to wear makeup.
She had all the friends in the world.
Her little sister looked up to her.
She was a perfect little angel.
Then one day this little girl woke up.
She realized she didn’t want her long blond hair.
So she cut it and dyed it black.
She started wearing makeup, and got piercings.
This little girl realized her friends were fake.
So she got new ones.
She moved to her moms and left her little sister with her dad.
She was no longer so perfect.
But she didn’t care.
‘Cause she was finally herself.

Zig-zagging through the trees
She is running
Doesn't know why, or where, but she is
Then she stops
She looks around
There nothing there.
She begins to relax
But then the world starts to fade to black
And she starts to fall.

Days go past and you’re still on my mind.
Sometimes I wish that I could rewind.
I miss you, in all honesty.
But you hate me, it’s clear to see.
It’s probably best that we’ve split apart,
But try telling that to my broken heart.
I am the one that ended us.
I shouldn’t put up a fuss.
I love you, that’s plain to see.
But I doubt that you miss me.

You say that I'm stupid.
Ignorant.
You yell at me constantly.
Just because I make mistakes,
Doesn't mean I'm an idiot.
I'm sick of it.
You say that I need better friends too.
Maybe the friend I need to replace is you.
You said you resent me.
Just because I smoke?
Well I told you I'd quit for you.
I haven't picked up a cigarette in a month.
Yet you still find reasons to *****.
You're bipolar.
That's what it is.
You flip out on me for new things all the time.
And I always fix what you ask me to.
But this time I'm done.
I'm done being you're friend.
I'll sit alone on the bus I guess.
I don't need you.
Go cry to you're internet girlfriend next time you need me.
Because I won't be there anymore.

Equal.
It's a small word.
But it's also a very powerful word.
Its says that we are all the same,
But still special in our own ways.
It says we are free to be who we want.
When we want.
It tells us it's okay to be different.
Because people should like you anyways.
The word can not see colors.
It cannot discriminate.
It does not judge.
It can't show hate.
Equal.

My parents warned me about the drugs in the street.
But never the one with blue eyes and a heartbeat.

"I'm not here to make you feel better Izzy."
No. You aren't.
You're here to be a ******* to those who need you most.
You're here to make people feel like ****.
You're here to turn me against you.
You're here to make me hurt.
You're here to make me cry.
That's what you're here for.
And I don't need you here anymore.

The first day I had a crush.
I asked you to the dance and you said yes.
We danced so awkwardly and far apart.
Hardly talked the whole night.
And what we did say was full of nervousness.
Then next day we were together.
Well you asked the night before,
But I didn't answer you right then.
"So is this gonna be a thing?"
Seven words that would start a life time.
Then we were in love.
Like no love I had ever felt before.
I wanted to be around you 24/7.
I'd miss you when we were apart.
We had planned our future together.
Soon we had fallen apart.
Six months seemed so short.
Plans for our future,
Were no longer for us.
They were for you. And for me.
The memories of us became torture.
I cried countless times.
Now we aren't we.
I am me, and you are you.
That's how it is.
No more tears, no more sadness.
Just memories.
The memories are no longer painful.
They're happy.
You can't stay bitter all you're life.

Once upon a time is how the fairy tales all start.
Once upon a time there was a fair maiden,
A beautiful princess, or a brave knight.
The heroines in the stories we grew up loving.
Then we hear about the things lurking in the woods.
An ugly ogre, a scary giant, or a cackling witch.
But in the end it's always the beautiful people who win.
They get what they want every time.
I wonder why nobody has asked the witch why she cackles.
Maybe the giant was mad because he was stolen from.
What if the ogre just doesn't know how to make friends.
Have we ever stopped to wonder,
If maybe the heroines in our story are the ones who cause grief?
No, because that is not how the stories are told.

Bleeding out, and screaming.
Never sleeps, but dreaming.
Hoping, wishing, praying.
Soul inside decaying.

I've been broken and bruised.
I've been used and betrayed.
I've suffered and struggled.
But my story isn't over yet.

Dear Who I could have called father,
    I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you wanted me to. I’m sorry that I wasn’t good enough for you to call me your daughter. I’m sorry that you never wanted a kid to begin with. But that is not an excuse. What you did to my brother and I was unacceptable. You hurt us. Both physically and mentally. And you hurt our mothers. You didn’t want us so you left. You moved to Florida and forgot about us. Forgot about me. But I didn’t forget about you. You left a scar inside of me. Maybe if you had stayed around, not only around me, but on the earth, you could have been happy. Maybe if you had have gotten to know me, you’d have liked me. Maybe if you were still alive you’d have come back to us, to see what I have grown up to be. Maybe, just maybe, you’d be proud of me. But you weren’t. You left us. You left us hurting. My brother won’t even talk to me anymore because I’m just another reminder of you. And I cannot call you father.
Sincerely,
        The one you could have loved.

When she says she loves you,
That you'll always be her babygirl,
That she'll never leave your side,
She's probably lying.

He makes me smile, when no one else can.
He makes me laugh when I'm in the middle of a breakdown.
He tells me about his problems, and I tell him mine.
I've told him all of my secrets.
It’s clear to me that he is someone I can trust.
He's different from all the rest.
He is so much more difficult than anyone else.
He puts up with my dumbness and numbness.
I've been mean to him, and he doesn't care.
Every day he lifts me up higher,
When I've been pushed down my whole life.
He is always there for me when I need him to be.
He sticks around even though he could do better.
He tells me that he loves me, he doesn't know why, but he does.
I say it back.
When I am with him butterflies flutter inside.
I get all girlish and I don't know why.
When he kisses me I feel sparks.
It’s hard to know what love really is at this age,
But if it is anything at all, I feel it.
With him I feel love.

Tic... Tic... Tic...
I lay in my bed.
It's ten o'clock.
My bed is warm.
I'm tired as Hell.
Tic... Tic... Tic...
I'm still in bed.
It's midnight.
My mind has been racing.
I just want to sleep.
Tic...Tic... Tic...
I just woke up.
It's two am.
Twenty minutes of sleep.
All at once.
New record.
Tic... Tic... Tic...
I've moved my bed to the floor.
Made a little nest there with my blankets.
It's three in the morning.
I'm still so tired.
Tic... Tic... Tic...
My alarm goes off.
It's five am.
Time to get ready for school.
46 minutes of sleep.
I need coffee.

He had my heart,
But ripped it out.
Threw it down,
On to the ground.
Stomped on it a couple times,
But hey.
At least this poem rhymes.

I need you to choose.
I refuse to keep living in her shadow.
You two aren't even together anymore.
She has a new boyfriend.
But still I have to fight for your attention.
It's ridiculous.
I have been at your side for three years.
You're like a brother to me now.
She hasn't been around that long.
Yet still, you choose her.
Every time.
It kills me inside.
I'm not going to keep waiting.
You need to choose.
Before you end up losing me.

Sometimes all that someone needs,
Is a friend.
Someone who will be there for you.
Sometimes all that someone needs,
Is a hug.
Feeling the safety of an embrace.
Sometimes all the someone needs,
Is to be happy.
Having a reason to go on.
Sometimes all that someone needs,
Is something that no one can give them.
Sometimes all that someone needs,
Is to be left alone.

Why can't I just sleep forever?

It hurts so badly.
I have cut, I have bled, I have broken bones, I have been through more deaths than anyone should.
But nothing has hurt this much.
Nothing has hurt more than loving you.
You are the reason I wake up every morning.
You're also the reason I cry all night long.
You told her I don't know what you're dealing with.
Little do you know, I worry about you more than anything.
I cry myself to sleep trying to figure out why I cant help you.
But you wouldn't know that because you've never asked.
That's okay though, you're my favorite cross to bare.
You're the only problem that I love to deal with.
Because I love you.
And nothing hurts more than loving you.

Bleeding from both arms,
Slowly dying.
Sound blocked out,
Yet you still hear the crying.
Room going dark,
You see the demons forming.
Awaiting your stay,
They all seem to be swarming.

Your eyes. A deep blue. Like the ocean.
I felt safe when I looked into them.
I’ve seen your eyes light up with happiness.
I’ve seen them swell up with tears.
They always stayed the same beautiful blue.
Until the day they turned red.
The day those loving blue eyes filled with hate.
You could have lit the sky on fire with those eyes.
But you chose to burn me instead.

Never ending story of my past.
The happiness that never seemed to last.
The ending of my torture, pain, and sorrow.
Don’t know if I can wait until tomorrow.

Every time I care about something,
About someone,
They leave.
I told myself every day not to get involved.
Not to care about anything,
About anyone.
That's just how I lived my life.
I was tired of being hurt.
I could never be happy,
And I just had to deal with that.
Then I broke my own rules.
I started caring.
I started to be happy.
It was an impossible thing to think.
I am writing this right now,
out of pure passion.
Poems are only good when you
feel strongly about your topic.
Well,
My boyfriend, he is my everything.
I love him with all of my heart.
I never want to lose him.
If I really am jinxed,
I just hope he’s an exception...

Dear ex boyfriend. I am not your safety net to fall back on whenever girls don't want to talk to you. I have a life of my own to live.
Dear high school boys. I am not a doll for you to play with when you're bored then toss aside before someone notices. God forbid boys are seen playing with a doll right?
Dear mother. I am not your punching bag to verbally and physically abuse when you get irritated. Sorry for being born I guess.
Dear grandmother. I am not nor will I ever be the perfect christian girl you want me to be. The heart wants what it wants.
Dear self. I am not paper so don't cut me, I am not in court so don't judge me, I am not evil so don't hate me... Please?

The sounds of the night.
They call out to me.
“Come this way,”
“We’ll set you free.”

I got flowers today. And a love letter.
They were from someone else.
I wish they could be from you.
But you’re gone and I need to move on.
It’s been three weeks since we broke up.
But I have to see you every single day.
Smiling, laughing, being happy. Without me...
It hurts to hear your name.
It hurts to see your face.
It kills me to hear your voice.
The voice is never directed towards me though.
You don’t talk to me anymore.
You told me you don’t care about me.
This is the part where I’m supposed to slam you.
Tell everyone how I don’t care about you either.
But I do. And it hurts.

You were supposed to be who I could turn to when I was all alone.
You were supposed to be there for me when I needed you.
You were supposed to be the one to make me feel better when I was upset.
But you,
You are the cause for all of the pain I feel every single day.