Why is it that every time something bad happens, but I refuse to let myself cry, people see me as heartless?
They don’t know my past
No one understands what crying had done to me at a young age
I doubt that many people realize how my past truly affected me, or how it still affects me
I don’t cry very often anymore because I felt weak every time a tear slid down my cheek
So no, I am not heartless
You wanna know how I know, besides the fact that I can drag myself out of bed every morning to go gulp down a handful of pills? My heart is merely broken, and I can FEEL that... every second of every day
But even though I know it’s on the brink of shattering... I still have my heart
It’s not as if it’s already gone
Though.. if I can’t find a way to heal... it might be soon

The sky is my witness
She sees all that I do
She hears all that I say
She watches as I stare into the endless blue of her eyes
The sky knows why I am sad
She clouds over and weeps with me today
She sets a grey outlook on the world around me
Perhaps trying to mirror my mood
She sighs, the wind brushing my tear stained cheeks
“You’ll be okay,” she whispers
“You’ll be alright, as will the person you are crying for”

I used to hope that one day, someone would come rescue me from all the negativity in my own mind
I used to wish that I could finally meet someone who would actually stay.. to just be there to talk when I needed them
I used to search for a person that would accept the fact that I care about them even if only as a friend and wouldn’t tell me I was lying or play it off as a joke
I used to to want to have plenty of people around to talk to and have fun with
But then I realized some things
No one can save me from my mind
No one can save me from myself or my past
I doubt anyone would even be willing to try
I realized that no one would ever stay with a person like me
Not as a friend, lover or anything in between
Why would they? I’m nothing special
I realized that to most people, my feelings are just a joke
Outside my family there aren’t many people who actually care enough to listen
Only three girls actually
My best friends
I also realized that people are overrated
I don’t need or want to have a lot of friends anymore
The few people I have now are enough
I don’t need anyone else in my life
And no one needs me in theirs