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Drown in the darkness
Let it wrap its cold hands around you
Its warmer than any hug from this world
I'm not afraid of the darkness anymore
Because this time I know I'm alone
Alone with me, myself and I
Drowning in my own thoughts
The air leaving my lungs
One last breath
Feeling my heart beat slowly come to an end
I'm in the backseat of the car
Watching my life pass by in the windows
The car is on autopilot
I dont know how to stop it
But I know it can end anytime
It almost ended today
On the crosswalk
In someways I wanted it to end
I wanted to feel free
No more backseat in the car
No more car at all
Just nothingness
Chaos and disaster
Right on front of our eyes
They dont want you to see it
They dont want us to defeat it
This is all in their favour
Not for ours
Keep your eyes open
We have to see the problem to change it
Keep your eyes open
Food was never the problem
Neither was overweight or sosial media
It was something wrong with me
I was the problem
The older I got, the sadder I got
So being hungry, ruining my body
It was all a way to hurt myself
How my body looked didn't matter
I just wanted it to suffer
Watching myself decay
Rotting
The hole in my stomach growing bigger
Never getting filled
Yet it was never noticed
One thing I know for sure
I will never be the same again
I search for you everywhere
You were supposed to stay here
Every stranger
Every flower
Every time I go to sleep
I search for you
Even the smallest sign that you're here
Is enough to keep me going
Deep down I know you're not really here
But I know I'll always keep hoping
Hoping to find you
Love isn't supposed to hurt

My face in the mirror
Bruised, swollen and unrecognizable
I keep telling myself you care
Every blooming bruise
Followed by another 'i love you'
Every hit and punch
Followed by the softest caress
Every insult spat at me
Followed by beatiful flowers
Love isn't supposed to hurt
Yet the smallest acts of love makes me stay
I love him so much that I'm unable to see the hatred he has for me
Its not my fault
Yet every accusing finger points my way
I did what I could
It wasn't enough to stop the monster
The monsters hands
Down goes my pants
I couldn't scream
My voice lost as I try escaping the horror
Now you make me carry it
The darkness in my stomach growing
I never wanted this
Now everytime I look at this thing
All I see is him
The monster
The truama
This thing was not made by love
But society would blame me
Make me the monster
While the real monster is still walking free
Doing unspeakable things
Scream
Scream
Scream
Scream until they listen
We cant stay silent now
There is no use in normal conversation
They dont listen
They dont want to listen
So our only choice is to make them
Scream until your throath is sore
Scream until they listen
Dont you ever let them take away your voice
Your voice is powerful
Its time you use it
If its selfish of me to leave
Then its selfish to make me stay
The person in pain continues to carry it
Just so that you wont have to
How is that any less selfish?
Everyday you see them
Half a ghost walking around
You want them to stay
Yet you do nothing to help
Guilt and dilemmas
Pain and gain
Day in and day out
You cant make someone stay
if they dont want to
You can try
But there is no garantee it works
Street lights
Morning and nights
Back and forth from school
Minding my own buisness like I always do
Then there is you
Walking past
My peace wont last
Disgusting liquid from your mouth
This all makes me want to shout
But i'm scared that if I do
I know there are much worse things you'll do
So I let you
I ignore it
Then i wash it off from whereever it hit
I just want to be able to walk in peace
Now I have to watch out for you spitting at me
Just a few weeks after moving to the city there were men that started spitting on me when I walked to or from school. They would either try to spit on me when walking past me or slow down their cars and roll down their window just to spit on me and drive away. Yes, It was and is scary and disgusting.
You can wish upon a star
But that doesn't mean you'll make it far
To get to the top and into the spotlight
You've got to do more than work
You have to fight
To earn that special spot among the stars
I've tried it, once, twice, trice
I always burn up before I get to shine
Wasted potensial of a dreamer who doesn't know when to give up
I hope one day I'll make it to the top

— The End —