another sleepless night
4am comes strolling around
i toss in turn bundled in the sheets
how does one sleep with a mind that races like engine.
thoughts go dashing through without hesitance.
thoughts that break apart every aspect of me.
constantly i am reminded of what i am not,
what i could be, what i will never be, and all that is wrong with me.
i cannot stop the whirling inside my mind.
i sit up, i think positive
but the negativity falls down on me like a heaviest thunderstorm
my thoughts, my feelings break me down  
my insides come tumbling day in day out.
i cannot put the sadness into words,
it takes a hold of me, pulls me under its vicious waves,
i come crashing down.
it drowns me until nothing is left,
it tortures me until i am rotten to my core.
the sadness never leaves for long, its with in my roots.
the sadness fills my mind
my head becomes a violent dust storm
gusts of thoughts whirring from every direction.
i am overwhelmed by my own feelings,
I am overthrown by the sadness in my soul.
I pull apart every little thing, letting the smallest things get to me.
insecurities get the best of me, sad thoughts consume me.
happiness abandons me, it never lasts.
i don't recall the last time i was genuinely happy.
sadness is all i know.
the sadness rips me apart and peels my every layer
until it makes its way into my walls
cemented inside of me forever

i look at you and i see beauty
when i'm holding you in my arms
i can almost reach the stars and grab on to the constellations in the sky.
you light up my night sky like the brightest star in the galaxy
you burn the wick inside my cold dark soul
burned out and withered it once was,
yet you spark a flame which has burnt out.
what i see in your eyes and what i feel in my heart for you
will never be what you see inside of yourself.
i remind you every single day,
of the grace you with hold and the endless beauty you portray,
and you still put the blade to your beautiful porcelain skin.
you hold your  hands out and you burn yourself,
with a cherry of a lit cigarette.
and for what? what good do you do when you destroy something beautiful?
your body is a sanctuary, why on earth would you burn it to the ground?
i try to take whats left and piece it together again..
but what on earth is the point if you are only going to set fire to your soul again come tomorrow?

another sleepless night
4am comes strolling around
i toss in turn bundled in the sheets
how does one sleep with a mind that races like engine.
thoughts go dashing through without hesitance.
thoughts that break apart every aspect of me.
constantly i am reminded of what i am not,
what i could be, what i will never be, and all that is wrong with me.
i cannot stop the whirling inside my mind.
i sit up, i think positive
but the negativity falls down on me like a heaviest thunderstorm
my thoughts, my feelings break me down  
my insides come tumbling day in day out.
i cannot put the sadness into words,
it takes a hold of me, pulls me under its vicious waves,
i come crashing down.
it drowns me until nothing is left,
it tortures me until i am rotten to my core.
the sadness never leaves for long, its with in my roots.
the sadness fills my mind
my head becomes a violent dust storm
gusts of thoughts whirring from every direction.
i am overwhelmed by my own feelings,
I am overthrown by the sadness in my soul.
I pull apart every little thing, letting the smallest things get to me.
insecurities get the best of me, sad thoughts consume me.
happiness abandons me, it never lasts.
i don't recall the last time i was genuinely happy.
sadness is all i know.
the sadness rips me apart and peels my every layer
until it makes its way into my walls
cemented inside of me forever

kissing you was like setting off fireworks inside of me.
you sparked the flame which burnt out long ago
and my insides lit up again, i felt whole again.
every kiss you gave me, the feeling of your lips as they pressed against mine,
made every hair on the back of my neck stand straight,
made my knees weak and my heart grow fonder.
Then one day you packed your things and left.
all the butterflies died and all that was left
was darkness that consumed me
along with a sea of tears that i still have not swam out of
will i drown?