When I rule the world
You will not be by my side.
You will be unknown
Because someone will always try to overthrow the ruler.
And they will do that by breaking your heart
And taking the people most closed to you.
I will be with you as much as I can,
with our true friends.
I don't need you by my side every second to rule the world.
I need you here in the streets
To be with me.
To love me.
Because I don't need the world to know our love.
I just need you know that I love you.
I need you to know that I will rule the world
With your love in my heart at all times
a
And I will fall with the knowledge
that you will hold me up.
Because if you were to rule, I
I shall do the same.

Are you ever on a bus with someone
And you have one earphone in
And you change the song every 20 seconds
Whenever you open your phone
Not because you dislike the song
But because you don't want them to realise you're waiting for a text back
From the one person you want to be with
And when it comes you don't open it straight away
So they don't think you're obsessed
Or is it just me?

I hate money
I hate how paper and metal
Can get people so worked up
How it is now a necessity in today's society
It can tear people apart
It can **** people
It can ruin a family
I've seen it all
It can get you anything in the world
But as I sit listening to a quarrel about cash
I wish it never exsisted
I wish this greed wasn't here
So Pandora
Close the box
Zues
Take back your gift
Because I can't listen to this anymore
I know they don't want to believe it
But when it comes down to it
Something as delicate as money
With tear this family apart.

Oh the pests that do rattle my chain
If I am forced to be here
let the lie down dead before me
let me beat them with an iron rod
and I will stay quiet til death
But be rid of their tongues and teeth
and I will truly be happy
Allow me to close the window
on their head
And their blood will keep me satisfied.

My pet peeve is grammar
I love it
I need it to be perfect
But around her I can't talk
I mess up my words
When I text her
I forget my full stops
I spell my words wrong
I don't reread my text three times
Because I want so badly to see her reply
I want to hear her talk
I love being able to make her laugh
She's able to make me forget my major thing
And replace it with herself.

I'm sitting in the corner
Watching you all have a good time
And I can't help but think you're a happy family
You're a little broken
But perfect as well
And you're yourself
I have a whole family
But I'd give anything for this
You feel safe around each other
Not scared
I want that

I wanna die
Maybe then I'll be able to breathe

I used to despise the smell
But now I can't get enough.
I'm addicted to
Sitting with my sky soft blanket,
Short hair between my finger's,
Curled in a ball with a book in my lap,
Escaping into a world beyond my believing.
And the smell conforms me
When I open these pages in the future
They will smell of coffee
And be fatter with the memories I have made reading the ink.
Such simple things.
I will always remember the taste
4 sugars
Chocolate dipped in to add such sweetness
That I will never be able to eat alone again.
It will always have to be coated in bitterness.
But this what I love.
You see me most content when I am alone in your eyes.
But I am surrounding by my best friend's, that may be or not human
And the warmth that I know I will always have.
Cause I am addicted to the simple things.

I can look at the sky
And stare at it's endless beauty
But if your face isn't above
with the clouds
It all seems pointless
Without colour

I feel like my chest is filling with tar
I'm going deaf
I can barely notice anything real
And I'm screaming
Or trying to
And you don't notice
Nobody ever does
And I'm left hanging in the closet with my belt

It was simple
But it meant everything.
I always feel anxious
On guard
Never safe with anyone.
But you didn't believe me
When I lied
And you didn't push
When I tried to deny it.
We both know it was false.
But we lay there.
The grass tickling my nose.
And you didn't judge.
You traced my scars as if to sooth me.
Not to lecture me
Like so many others
You're the only one that's able to calm me.
Thank you.
For not saying anything.
When others would of shot words of "wisdom" at me.
Thank you.
For knowing what I needed.
Or more what I didn't need.
Thank you.

I haven't been here in a while.
I always walk.
But my dad and I were finally free on the same day.
So we went to nutgrove.
Got some sweets
He go waffles, his favourites
I'm all in black with bright
Red?
Pink?
Magenta hair
And blue eyes
I look odd as always
And I'm getting weird looks
But he doesn't care.
The bus is 27 minutes away
There are others at the stop
Some guy on headphones
And a guy who keeps trying to look at me
Descretely
But I notice
I pretend not to.
Does he think I'm beautiful?
Or just strange enough to look at
Or does he want to draw me
Like I often want to do with people I stare at
Nothing ******
Just fascination.
Maybe
I hope
I don't want him to be looking at me like I'm a wanted thing
Maybe it's vain
But I did myself up nicely for once.
I don't know why
I was in the mood
Saturdays always put me in the mood for blue eyes
Not lipstick
Not with my habit.
My lips are red enough anyway from my habit of biting
And picking.

My dad gives me a funny look.
He doesn't talk.
I'm happy, because of my new headphones
And the other people
They don't need to know what we share
Smoke comes out of his funny face
I giggle
Like a little girl
I know I resemble in his eyes.

I look into the field across the road
There are a group of kids
To far away to know an age
And they don't have a dog
I don't know why this troubles me.
But then a lady walking her dog
Strolls past
And I'm on the ground
Sitting
So he comes up to lick me
Almost to grant my wish
I'm happy again
Then the bus comes
And I struggle to get up
I should be happy
I'm going home to feed a rumbling stomach
But
There's something about a bus stop
I just love
Sorry.
I rambled again.
What do you like?

I broke the light
so I could see grey,
I slept until the sky was raging
The dull world at that time
Highlighted every colour
that dyes the the beautiful things
In my eyes.
The girl looking like a Lophorina
Who's smile at a simple ballerina
shames all other flowers into buds.
The sparkle of the deer on the mantle
inked to graze without a care
In a blue winter
Makes me believe that was a time
before my kind
when piece was wonder,
now silence is a gift.
The shine of the leaves
blowing at the tip of the trees
looking confused,
But all just needing that movement
that cannot be found on the ground.
These gifts,
Created by God or an accident,
Are how I know that one day
i will be that deer that shines in the water
and settles in a breeze blue silence.

I can keep myself occupied
I'm creative enough to keep myself from twiddling my thumbs
But what I can't stand
Is waiting for something
And knowing that it's gonna be deadly
Because boredom is deadly
It can **** off the souls of even the most eager and earnest
And we let it
Because we know how to cure it
A little bit of laughter will do
But we've banned it from the room.

How many more lives
Will we allow this serial killer to claim
Before were all victims.

It's like looking through a keyhole
the first time you look; black
you don't understand, so
you walk away
but you look again
your eyes adjust
realization washes over you
but that's only the first break in the riptide.
Not true perception.
The next moment you see clouds
and the flooded floor
but is it acid
or saline?
There's something lying on the ground
a wounded dog?
No.
But a wounded soul
nails digging into hair and skin.
"It's just a headache"
they would say
If they were on your side of the door
but peeking through the keyhole
you can see the demons.

Iron.
That's what you recognize as the scent of the cell
It doesn't repulse you
It draws you in
like blue electric light.
Chains start to scratch your ears
yelling and moaning fill your head
but you're not frightened
you're not frightened.

The last sense is the one you burn for
to touch
to help and to hug
to comfort them,
Bur your not trying to help them
you came here for yourself
you want them to help you
you thought seeing this broken bone could help.
Release you
from your cell.
Did it?
If only for a little while.
Do you feel better?
Back to your burning cell
you return to flames.
You would trade your prison for theirs in a heartbeat
and they would greedily take
the key from your hands.
They want to feel that burnng
but it can't be
So will you ever return now?
Just for envy?
For longing?
Or peace in misery?
They would.
It is a poets nature
to keep returning to those memories of burning
If not for an instant
then never.
Because that's what happens
when you peep through another's keyhole.

Another year has gone by
And nothing has really changed
I'm still me
But I'm a happier version
Not a 2.0
Just got new batteries

I got a new boyfriend
He lasted 2 weeks
And my heart didn't get broken
Guess having no feelings is still my speciality
But I have had more crushes
But still not a kiss
Wow
I haven't kissed anybody all year
(Shush, my drunken self doesn't count).

And tomorrow I won't try harder
No "new year, new me"
Because that doesn't happen over night
You get motivated for a week
And that's it
I rather just start off smooth and steady
Stay that way
Maybe I'll keep my head
And next year I'll give you an update
Maybe something wonderful will have happened
Maybe I'll finally have a girlfriend and study what ever I like

But the world spun around the sun one more time
So if it can keep on it's steady course and not implode
Then so can I.

Happy New year
From myself.
I hope you find contentment
Until next year.

Oh the pests that do rattle my chain
If I am forced to be here
Let them lie down dead before me
Let me beat them with an iron rod
And I will stay quiet still death
But be rid of their tongues and teeth
And I will truly be happy
Allow me to close the window on their head
And their blood will keep me satisfied,

You're the reason I'm alive
Because If I die and there's a heaven
I'll spend eternity wishing I was back with you
If I die and then get reincarnated
I'll spend my next life feeling like something's missing
I was never scared of dying
I'm still not
I'm scared of losing you.

It's amazing how I feel torn apart without you holding me
When before I couldn't wait for the hugs to stop
I want you to rest your chin on my head
And whisper nice things into my hair
As you kiss me
But instead I'm on a train
Away from you
It looks clinical
Out of a syfi movie
And I can't breathe

I want to walk.
I want to walk to LA
I want to see it as the sun hides behind the horizon.
I want to walk to Greece
And see the ancient city
I know I must have lived there once.
I live on an island.
I want to walk across the water and escape
From this unbearable roller costar feeling.
But I only walk for an hour.
I let the music fill me
And then I think about how to rid myself of this hunger that doesn't alow me to eat.
Then, later
I walk home.
That growing pain.
But I feel easy.
I may not have walked to my hearts destination.
But I walked so the wind blows through my head
And takes some fears away.
I walked away from these walls I'm scared of.
Now I walk back.

And I realise that once again
I am in a world I do not comprehend
Einstein himself could not convince me
That everything we have has an answer
Physics, learning and math
All unnecessary in our happiness
It is causing me such misery
I am thinking of leaving to sea
To just look not question
But I am afraid my misery will keep me here until I'm done with this
This everevolving life
I am to tired to care
But I have enough energy to pretend I am listening

I see the rainbow in science
But I want to stand in the rain and sun.

If you were about to be crucified
And it was certain you'd die
Would you deal with the pain
And the certainty
That was going to be your last earthly feeling
Or would you give that feeling to someone else?
Knowing that they would live
But they would live with that pain
And the memory of it.
Would you save yourself the torture
As a dying man doesn't deserve it.
He should have a painless send off.
Or would you endure it
To save that unknowing man
The pain he will have to live with
But that you will never have to feel again.

I hate that I can't listen to my favourite songs anymore
Because I love them cause of you
So a knot turns in my stomach
But is it cause I miss you
Or cause I'm dissapointed
In you
And me

I think it's the only separation I'll agree with
The only wall I'll love to stare at
A wall of light
Separating the sky and land
They can never be one
And yet they still try to touch
I often wonder whether the horizon is what's seperating them
Or helping them to come together
Should I hate it for it's ignorance
Or love it for it's beauty
Or should I turn back for to real world
And forget my short lived love
Or get lost in it's contrast
And feel fulfilled
From its cold love.

I need you here
With your arms wrapped around me
Telling me I'm enough
That you don't need anybody else
That I can make you happy on my own
Instead of feeling like I'm never enough.

I love the sight of rain on a sad day.
You listen to the opposite of your feel good song
You listen to something with edge and feeling
Not a #1 hit.
You feel the warm water drip down you like sweat after seeing your lover.
And you take comfort in the familiar warmth
And you smile.
Then it hails but you're still not bothered
Because it's still warm
As long as the chill doesn't come then you're fine.
Then you take my hand
And nothing matters anymore.

I'll say I love you
Not to hear it back
But just to let you know
To see that little smile in your eyes
So you know you're my world

It's funny how you dont care about things that are important
Or things that don't matter.
Like life
Or this poem rhyming
Or spelling
Or people understanding it
I just feel like staring at a ceiling
Or hanging from it
I don't even care if a murderer would come and **** me now
It's just an overwelming feeling pushing at my skin
And I don't even care
My best friends seem like nothing
And my enemy knife and rope are what I imagine
Blood running down the drain
I paused the movie and don't care to Un pause it
I don't even want to walk up the stairsbut
I will
And I will stare at the ceiling until the harsh morning light comes
And I will not pay attention to anything
People will call me lazy.
And I will not care
I don't even care to give this a title
So use your imagination
Cause I'm all dried up.

I know there is nothing under my bed
I realise it is silly to be scared of nothing
But to me the things I dread
Are hiding with me in my bed
In my head I am scarred of the dark
I am wondering alone
On the streets or in the park
And in the carcass that is my mind
I am trudging in a minefield
And no words that are spoken are kind
I cannot convince myself to be of sound mind
And the shining of light that is day
Is course and harsh
And like a child I must play
Because to my parents I cannot say:
The day is false and I do not wish to stay
Because in the night I lie at home
And my demons play tag and chase
With the fears under my bed and in my head.

Yes I do believe in destiny
Although it might seem silly
Because of 2 people brought together
They seem happy truly

They were both girls
And oh so beautiful
Each one with a spark
And I'd seem the chatting away
In a mall or in a park

I only see them now
On Facebook or in dundrum
And a few things have changed
There names for one

And they are no longer girls
But strapping young men
But they seem as happy
Just as they were then

They were both brought together
By the universe itself
But they both found there destiny
With each other, no help

And so this chance meeting
One in a lifetime
Has showed me love
Comes in all shapes and sizes

We change as we grow
And we never do notice
All the small little things
People who stay true to us

That destiny isn't for one
And love is for all
In all shape and sizes
In rain, snow and sun

I still see them sometimes
Happy as can be
And hope I can one day
Find someone like that
For me

It felt amazing
The wind hitting me in the face
Pushing back my cheeks
While my stomach lurched
And you didn't know what was up
With my hair flying behind me
I thought my hair was going to catch in a bulb
But mines to short
And then you came to mind
Because your hair was so long it would have
And I thought of your laugh
You couldn't come today
And I thought of your lips
You were probably avoiding me
And I thought I hope we can still talk
But I'm too awkward to ask
But maybe I'll try
Maybe tomorrow
Because I'm tired from the fun fair.

I'm not cruel
Or brutal
I'm truthful
But people only want the truth when it suits them

I want someone to know me well enough
That they know when I'm actually tired
Or when I'm just saying it to hide behind

Would you still like a flower
If it did not let you pick it
Would you still find the mist mesmerising
If you could catch it
Would you still want me
If all I wanted to do was talk
Would you be satisfied like me
Or would you carry on with someone new
Because I'm a friend
And that's all
I don't want to be picked
I just want the pleasure of your company
But that's not why you came
So I'm afraid
You'll have to endure your days without me
Because I don't want this
And I think I've found the power to say no

The only thing stopping me from achieving sleep
Is the pumping of my blood
As I lay on my wrist
And wondering when it will stop
When will it flow without the effort of my heart.

It's a reminder
Of the time I didn't die
That I laughed
Sure I was hurt
But the flowers that bloomed on my skin
Were so beautiful
That I stayed in hopes of seeing them next spring.

It's a reminder
Of all the effort I spent trying to hide them
Hiding my feelings
So as not to burden others
Or to not be swept away with last night dreams.

It's a reminder
And I'm not proud when people notice them
But I'm proud that they see me
Instead of the me pushing up daisies.

I can handle being rejected
I can cope
Because I know I will get over it
I know that I can move on
I've done it before.
What I can't handle
Is someone telling me
"I don't know"
Or not giving me a straight answer.
Someone who knows they will never be with me
But not telling me directly
Someone who "likes" me
But can't admit it
I can handling being friends after a rejection
But I can't handle you not having your **** together
Because I'm pining after someone who doesn't realise I'm so into them
That I'm hurting for them
I'm waiting for them
So please just tell me
Yes or no
Because that's less painfull
Than having my heart broken
Almost fixed
And then smashed again.

Blood red is such a pretty colour
We shouldn't hide it in ourselves
We should be able to see it everyday
Like I do

It's odd losing everything you lose
Cause it hurts your heart
Just as much as the pills you can't stop taking
Even though you've taken enough to do the trick

I've officially hit rock bottom
And they burned the ladder
So I can't climb back up

I believe in illution's
A blue sky
Just a reflection of water
Just light hitting a gas
Yet light is also a illution
As is colour
Colour is light
Or so I'm told to believe
So how do we control it
How do we focus it into one
And a million
Different colours

Different species
Created for a different purpose
Purpose?
No
Reason
A reason
Evolution.
That is all we are
Space, time and science trying to prove it's self.

I don't believe a human future
This scientist life
To ignore natural beauty
And the world full of indescribable life
To work in a office
Or greying building
With greedy, poisonous fumes
Walking around with fake smiles
And dead eyes.

I want to go back
To before cave men
And become a more adventurous human
One that doesn't destroy or lust
upon
One that nurtures
And not only it's own species.
It wold marvel at the sky
Without wanting to venture there.

Not religious.
Not a scientist.
But a guest upon this earth.
Not it's rulers.

I want to marvel about light.
Not figure it out.

You think magic is seeing a wand emit sparks and spells
But I see it in the brilliance of a light bulb
The flowering of a bud.
You see wonder in the world's you see in your mind
I see it in the realitys I have not yet visited.
You see miracles as a single light, shone from the heavens
I see in it in every act, every day.

I see misery in every life.
I see sadness around every corner.
I see greed in every hand full of money.
And I see lifelessness in everyone I see.

But despite that
I found a way to live.
Not by wishing on a star
But by the beauty around me.
The city lights at night
The flowers by moonlight
The wispering winds in my ear.

I see such heinous act in the light of day
But at night I see my fantasy world come alive.
You don't need the glass promise of a world unseen
You just need to find it in your surroundings.
Because at night
That is where the unique come out to play.

I'm not sure what I find most beautiful
Looking out the window in my journey
Seeing the world go by and turn
A thousand lives I'll never be part of
A world I'll never really belong to
But love being an audience to,
Or the paper with nothing but words
The spectacular times playing in my head
While I pick a song that better enhances it
This world beckons me in
I'm watching but somehow still apart of the drama.
Hmm which is more beautiful?
Or are the both equal in their own way?

I love the winter
The cold whether
Perfect for long sleeves
That hide my scars and freshness
And the only evidence is when it seeps through
So I buy a red jumper to hide it

Nothing in the world is worth losing you
So why am I risking this?
The playful part of me isn't gone
I don't know if it ever will be
It wants something exciting
And dangerous
It's not worth losing you
But I can't stop myself